Help with acceptance for JW family still in

MaryKN

Hi all,

Well, it's been a long time! I first lurked here around 20 years ago and read huge amounts of threads which certainly helped when I was making my decision to leave the religion. I was never baptised (resisted it!) but had family very much in at that stage. Leaving and telling my family that I didn't want to be a JW was one of the hardest things I ever went through. Now, 20 years on my family are even more indoctrinated, though I never thought that could be possible. My father and siblings are all elders/wives of elders/pioneers. I don't know of any witnesses that are more devoted then them. I went through a lot of drama when I made this decision - arguments, tears, heartbreak from my family, the usual.

After a while, (and it did take a while!), I realised that the only way I could keep my sanity in this situation was to not talk about anything JW related whatsoever with my family and do the best I could to not be bitter.

I have a good relationship with them, as much as it can be I think. It's been ok. We talk and see each other as much as we can (we live a distance apart). Though I've explicitly stated I don't want to talk about anything religion associated many times - they can't help themselves. Lately, a message from one of my siblings has made me really depressed. It was all the usual stuff - we are in the last days, please listen etc. And it made me think - they really are never going to leave. This is always going to be the situation. And I have to just keep gritting my teeth and ignoring the messages. Then continuing like nothing was said. I can't see any other way but this. The frustration I feel if I ever try to talk reason to them is immense and the attempt to reason is pointless.

So, the point of this message. I'd love to know - has anyone been in my situation and truly successfully accepted this? That things will be always be like this with their family, that they will always be JW, that they will never change, that they will never have doubts or at least doubts that they will act on until the day they die? If so, how? Does it still make you very sad? Do you think you'll always be sad about it? Are you still angry? How do you deal with it? I'd love to know or get any advice from people who believe that they have truly accepted this and made peace with it. I'm not sure I have ever truly accepted it and that's what I really think I need to do.

Any help would be so appreciated.

Betheliesalot

Im kinda in the same spot as you are, I make light of anything my still in says about armageddon coming soon, like Im going thru my own little armageddon just waiting for you to wake up. And waiting on Jehovah, I say great , that will not be in our lifetime, cause he aint done nothing for over 2000 years thats verifiable, just hearsay. Humor gets them off their high horse and they usually change the subject.

berrygerry

http://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/fear-cult-mind-control.php

In The True Believer,9 a book on mass movements, Eric Hoffer suggests at least a third of the population are "true believers." They are joiners and followers, people who want to give away their power, looking for answers, meaning, and enlightenment outside themselves. This type of person is "not intent on bolstering and advancing a cherished self, but are those craving to be rid of unwanted self." This type of person is "eternally incomplete and eternally insecure!" and can easily be transformed into fanatics who will gladly work and die for their holy cause whether politics, churches, businesses or social cause groups. Mass movements generally have a charismatic ruler, and a devil. This type of person is unlikely to be reading this site, they don't want to know. Neither am I convinced that this type of person should stop being a Jehovah's Witness. If they do they most likely will become involved in a similar organization that also uses manipulation to force its members into a prescribed way of life.

Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho

@MaryKN I've developed a bit of a mental strategy by drawing a parallel between WT slaves (my parents) and drug addicts. I had a period of my life where I got hooked on drugs and the party scene. I took it to the extreme and hit rock bottom. That's when I decided to sober up. As I got clean, I'd still run into my old party friends who were still going strong. And they'd tell me how much I was missing - that I've become so "boring" and need to "get on it a little", etc. At first, I'd try and explain what I'd achieved with my sobriety and how much my life has improved, how much happier I am, how my mental breakdowns had ceased, et cetera. But they would have none of it. They'd reason their way around it. It took some time before I finally realized it: I was trying to validate myself to people with diminished mental capacity due to their ongoing intoxication. Their sense of reality was warped. And I quietly started to pity them when they'd make desperate pleas for me to "come back". Misery loves company, even when they're convinced that they're having the "best time (life) ever". So when I would see them, I'd smile knowingly, give their shoulder a squeeze and just roll with the verbal jibes."You sound like you're having fun. That's nice."

The correlation I draw between these slaves to hard drugs and our family who are slaves to the WT is, both substances (one is chemical, one is propaganda) are potent and are inhibiting our loved ones' ability to think. They cannot see clearly. They need their fix in order to put one foot in front of the other and get through the week. Their mental facilities and ability to see logic have been hijacked. So when my mother goes on a rambling tirade about how doomed I am, that I'm making a mistake, that I should just try come back to one meeting - just to get a taste for what I'm missing, that I "must be miserable", that I NEED to come back... I just smile and remember quietly that this isn't my mother talking. It's the WT drug and the skewed reality she's living in. All it takes is a polite smile and a simple (yet persistent), "that's interesting", or "that's nice" to dissolve both the situation at hand, and the mental anguish I may start to feel.

There's no sense trying to reason with someone intoxicated.

MaryKN

Thanks Wake Me up (great name btw) - this is a good way of thinking about it. Do you get texts from your mum though as well as face-to-face. I find its easier in person as I just very obviously change the subject but on text its a rant. Which after much self-control, I ignore. And then get really upset about! I do like this analogy though, thank you very much.

Old Navy

Quote from MaryKN:

So, the point of this message. I'd love to know - has anyone been in my situation and truly successfully accepted this? That things will be always be like this with their family, that they will always be JW, that they will never change, that they will never have doubts or at least doubts that they will act on until the day they die? If so, how? Does it still make you very sad? Do you think you'll always be sad about it? Are you still angry? How do you deal with it? I'd love to know or get any advice from people who believe that they have truly accepted this and made peace with it. I'm not sure I have ever truly accepted it and that's what I really think I need to do.
Any help would be so appreciated.

When things progress to the point where we recognize that, contrary to our hopes, things have gotten out of hand, our only reasonable option is to just let things be.

As troubles within the WTBorg Cult Inc. continue to grow and World conditions develop in ways different than the WT predictions, an awakening will occur. Many more of those solidly "in" The Cult will finally see that "The Truth" just isn't. Pandemonium will result. At that time those you love may be more amenable to seeing that they've been deceived.

In any case, the story of what is to come has a very happy ending. None will be lost.

Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho

@MaryKN Ja, I see my mother at least once a week. And we text a lot. If ever scriptural matters come up in writing (text or email), I address them matter-of-factly by using the Bible if I can disprove the point she's trying to drive home (ie, disfellowshipping, meeting attendance, God having an organization). She won't ever reply but will bring it up in a snide way the next time I see her, saying (with an intoxicated smirk) "you think I was born yesterday, you think you know more about the Bible than your father and I do," without addressing what scriptural points I'd highlighted to expose the fallacious reasoning she'd tried to sell me. Again, I just nod, shrug my shoulders and give a wan smile. One of pity. She's not a well person. No drug addict is.

moreconfusedthanever

Wow 20 years! I have been hoping my family would some how try to understand my thinking and then wake up too. It seems this is wishful thinking and not to be. I have been thinking about why they can't see through the BS and lies and it makes me angry. Then I remembered that they have been in the cult for more years than not and their whole world and social life revolves around it. They could not survive apart from it so I must keep my mouth shut and minimize their stress as they believe 100% that we are going to die.

MaryKN

@moreconfusedthanever honestly at this point I feel like its hopeless. I do not think my family will ever wake up and that's whats hard. Many people have left who have grown up at the same time as my family and with each one I think, maybe my parents next. But instead of that, they seem to go the other way. This is what I am finding so difficult - just finally realising that it's never going to happen :(

SummerAngel

I'm in a very similar situation, for me its been 27 years and for most of that time I've been openly BA Christian. Initially they were pretty awful lots of comments etc like ' we will be in paradise without you but you will be erased from our memory" my mum can be quite spiteful at times. Because I wasn't baptised I was never dissed so I've always remained in contact in fact even stayed with them for a year recently. When I first left I wsd naive it never occurred to me that they may shun Mr, if it had I would have probably thought twice but never regretted a day of leaving. I also have 1 sibling in and an in-law , sibling has caused issues. In terms of hoping they will wake up. Religion is the elephant in the room. I try and say positive stuff about church and why I'm happy there occasionally I can tend to jump on any negative JW stuff and when I told them the facts that the world is getting better not worse you could have heard a pin drop. However they are now in their dotage we just show them lots of love and care. My days of playing scripture ping pong with them are long gone. Yes I wish and pray for them to wake up but I have my doubts now and feel the shock of an entirely wasted life would be too much ( they are in 80s). I worry more about the damaged relationship with my sibling who has chosen after yes of inactive to become aggressively JW. Its difficult but put the bible away no one was ever logic"d to God, be everything they told you you couldn't be without their religion.

Help with acceptance for JW family still in

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