Living a lie?

by Victorian sky 28 Replies latest watchtower scandals

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  Thunder Rider

  I agree with Runningman. We all spent enough time having our every thought and deed coriographed by the Dubs. Do what ever is most advantageous to your wellbeing. Piss on their rules and proceedures. I was asked not too long ago If I wanted to dissassociate myself, as I sat in my truck smoking my pipe. I told them they'd have to DF me. Trouble is they are changing their "rules" so fast they have no solid excus to DF me. Besides its more paperwork for them to have to report on "inactive" members. I want nothing to do with them, but I won't be "made" to do anything by them ever again.

  Thunder
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  Mum

  Hi, Victorian. Just do what is right for yourself without harming others. They harm themselves if they cut you off. What worked best for me was to move so far away that it was not easy for them to contact me, and they did not know anyone in my new "congregation." You can do the slow fade bit by pleading illness, such as chronic fatigue syndrome. Ask your doc to say you're depressed and need some space.

  Keep in touch with the board and with any individuals you connect with here. It is very exciting to see someone start their journey to freedom. All the best!

  SandraC
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  topanga

  my mom told me after she left that whenever she ran in to some of them they would look her up and down, say things like by, she sure got ugly... or try to pick on her. Most of them sound infantile and silly. She still reads the bible on her own but she refuses to use their books.
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  Soledad

  being true to yourself often carries a high price tag. It doesnt matter whether you choose to remain inactive or if you choose to DA, someone somewhere will find a reason to snub you for not meeting their standards. The WTS is full of lies, hypocrisy and phonyness, so this should not come as a surprise. My opinion? I think it's better to DA, just for the peace of mind and closure that it brings. Losing friends and family is rough, but remember, their love is conditional, unlike the love that can be expressed between true friends and by people who are not even related (this board is a good example of that).
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  gydja

  You are out...don´t get back in. It´s the wisest thing u can do, I promise. You just have to rebuild your life...It´s hard, belive me, but it is for the best...

  Good luck!!!
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  Robotnomore

  I agree with Soledad, if you're not living up to their rules they will probably shun you anyway. My wife and I resighned because we needed the closure and didn't want to be looking over our shoulder every time we done something that didn't agree with their rules. It is hard sometimes with the family shunning, but in my opinion everyone has to live with their decision. I have to live with mine and they have to live with theirs. We just let them know that we love them all and we are here if they ever want to talk with us. We are happier now than we have ever been. The only regret I have is ever being a JW in the first place. Everyone has to make that decision themself and do what you can live with. Good Luck
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  Victorian sky

  Thanks to everyone for your help, I really appreciate it.
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  peacefulpete

  I know I am slow to reply to this but maybe someone will read it. I walked away in one clean break and never have or will return. For me to attend a meeting now is to lie to all there, many of whom I care about, and to reopen deep wounds in myself. Ther is no risk of reinvolvement yet the programming creates an unrest that I simply do not need. I found closure by informing the elders that I do not require or desire "sheparding calls". As a former PO I know how relieved that must have made them. They in fact told me "do the honorable thing and disassociate yourself". If I had done so my divorse would have been finalized. My wife who despised enough my position enough to seek a divorse was only able to escape the grip of the org. by my NOT having thumbed my nose at the elders when tempted to do so. While most all have shunned me and now her anyway at least we are together and my folks allow us to visit them. My situation would be much worse if my ego required the satisfaction of mouthing off or public disavowing of the org. I have achieved closure and yet retain a sober awareness of the power cult thinking has on good hearted people. Steve Hassan's book called Releasing the Bonds incurrages an insightful and compassionate exit to best assist those inside the cult by not reinforcing stereotypes about the "wicked hearted apostates". I feel this for us has meant being clear to the elders that we do not welcome their visits to "shepard" us, and yet to the extent possible sought to remain close by phone and letter with those we wish to help exit. Remember that a common sentiment among cults is that "there is no place to go to", therefore fear compels them to not consider leaving. They need a place to go to before even considering leaving, we let them know by our love that they will always have us to come to.
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  Mystery

  I have thought about this for quite a few years. More than I care to count.
  
  I have faded away. I still talk with my mother, sister and sister-in-law (my brother was killed in '90) they are all still JW's. I do not live close to them. I see them, maybe, twice a year.
  
  If I told the WTBT that i wanted out of THEIR organization they would take the little time that i do have with my family.
  
  By THEIR rules this is suppose to be done. I wasted 20 years of my life devoted to them. I have wasted 20+ years feeling "guilty" because I can't come to terms with disfellowshipping them completely from me!
  
  I am beginning to see that I will never trust a religion. I will never have my questions answered. Telling someone that I don't even know, "I am no longer a part of you" still will not answer my questions.
  
  Will me writing on paper "I disown you" really make a difference inside of me? I KNOW i no longer believe. Everyone that knows me knows I no longer believe, If I did I would still be going to meetings. Just because I tell the WBTS (men that I do not even know) will it make a difference on what I believe? No.
  
  Tell me their names? Who would you personally write your letter to at the WBTS? So what difference does it make?
  
  So I see my mom, my sister, my sister-in-law, my nephew and nieces a couple of times a year. I talk on the phone & email them. Would telling a bunch of men, that i don't even know, be worth losing that?