Why do you get upset about family shunning you?

by mr_doubtful 20 Replies latest watchtower bible

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  scratchme1010

  I refuse to shed one tear over people letting religion affect them that badly. Nor give them the satisfaction that the DF'ing is working and that I am longing for a chance to communicate with them.
  

  My unasked-for advice is to keep open to the possibility of that changing in time. In my experience, it has changed over time. I decided to walk away from them (my family), I did, then I changed my mind, attempted several times to reestablish any kind of relationship, didn't work out, and they are now out of my life for good.

  However, before you say "then what's the point?" please keep in mind that those actions were taken by me FOR ME, not for them. As I grew older and wiser, I realized that making a definite decision about "shunning them back" was in fact, a decision made under the black and white mentality of the same cult that I wanted to be away from. It is important to make decisions by and for yourself, and as I lived my life I needed to revisit a number of ecisions I made that at the time I didn't realized were still influenced by that organization.

  Furthermore, the indoctrination and brainwashing of that organization has absolutely nothing to do with the love I know some of my family members feel/felt for me. Those are things that I needed to experience and learn, and shutting the doors pr burning bridges behind you may hurt your growth as a human being.

  You are 100% right about the cult and the attitude you should have towards it, but making such definite decisions around tour loved ones seems to be influenced by the very cult you want to get rid of.

  Just my two cents.
  
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  Perry

  "An unexamined life is not worth living" - Plato

  
  

  End of discussion - Regardless of cost.
  
  
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  Pete Zahut

  It might feel good to be done with them all and have your final say but when it comes to family and friends I'd advise you not to draw any lines in the sand or burn any bridges.

  Offer them no explanations or excuses as to your new lifes course as it relates to the JW religion. Just keep what you know to yourself and go on about your business and sustain as little damage as possible. Why not have your cake and eat it too? It's not your responsibility to save or enlighten anyone else or suffer for some noble cause. That's one of those JW things you have to rid yourself of.

  I've found that JW's are puzzled and even intrigued when they realize that they and their religion are mere passing thoughts to you. They are almost disappointed when you don't become a raving apostate who's life has become a train wreck.
  
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  Rainbow_Troll

  When they're all old, sick, in a nursing home I'll simply walk in, ask them if it was worth wasting their whole life shunning their family members instead of enjoying the little time you get with them. I'll then remind them that in actuality, we only get one shot at this life and that I hope they are happy with how they spent there's.
  

  I take it that you don't like your family that much.

  I guess it is pretty easy to shrug off rejection if you already despise the ones rejecting you. Understand, however, that most of us actually like our family to some degree.
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  schnell

  Totally up to you, whatever costs you are aware of.

  I feel similarly, though I don't put it to others in such a slightly aggressive way as "Why do you feel --?" Personally, I have pre-shunned a few people out of disgust. I have also been shunned by some old friends and family members without being DFed. I discovered a few "friends" who I didn't mind losing once they showed their real selves.

  And ultimately, that's a price I needed to pay. The benefit is freedom and understanding and individuation, rather than indentured servitude.

  Soon, I plan on getting together with cousins and an aunt who were CUT OFF from my family decades ago. I'd also love to see more family members whom I've never had the pleasure of meeting. Family goes beyond the immediate, and even in my immediate family, I don't believe I would be entirely judiciously shunned at this point.
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  azor

  I was once that person who shunned. I am also guilty for inflicting it upon others when an Elder. I feel for my family and friends. They are captives of a concept.

  All I know for certain is what is here and now. My children are only young once. When they are grown it's over. When my nieces, nephews, and friends children are grown I will never get back the time when we could have enriched each others lives. This is one of the many reasons I mourn the shunning policy. Life is precious and short, and we waste so much time with nonsense that it's depressing.
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  NewYork44M

  My parents passed away prior to me learning the TATT and my brother left years before I abandoned the Borg. Even as a JW, I was never close to the remaining JW aunts. So, my experience is not similar to others.

  But, shunning from the immediate family is a big deal. It is a shameful activity.
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  just fine

  I can understand where you are coming from. Because when I was leaving I knew I had to steel myself for the repercussions. I had to let go of the normal affection I would have had for my family, because it really did come down to me or them. I chose my freedom, I have told my siblings when they want to act like normal human beings they can be part of my life, until then I don't want to hear it. My parents learned to act like normal human beings and are now part of my life again.
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  Rainbow_Troll

  All I know for certain is what is here and now. My children are only young once. When they are grown it's over. When my nieces, nephews, and friends children are grown I will never get back the time when we could have enriched each others lives. This is one of the many reasons I mourn the shunning policy. Life is precious and short, and we waste so much time with nonsense that it's depressing.
  

  I know how you feel. Two of my friends are married now; but I wasn't invited (or even informed) about the weddings and I haven't met either of their spouses. If it weren't for Facebook I wouldn't know anything.
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  The Rebel

  mr-doubtful :-

  Q) " why do you get upset about family shunning you?

  A) Because it hurts emotionally.

  Most of us had their first puppy love, only too receive kind words like these " I love you, but there's this other person I fancy. I don't want to two time you, so I am breaking up with you" And these words hurt and break our heart. So i think it only humane a person will also get upset about family shunning them over a stupid religion.