My fade might well start today. (page 3)

cognac

chastise them every time they turn their heads away from the bible or the platform.

This is the type of stuff you should bring up in therapy... It's very controlling behavior...

I did. That is why I am saying the therapist kind of forgot everything we discussed previously. When my wife excused that behavior on something like "I am trying to give my kids a christian upbringing" it sounded like she was putting such in a good light.

OnTheWayOut

There is much good in your update. I won't rain too much on your parade. It works out similarly for me with my JW spouse, but we don't have kids. Do lots of research for their sake and test limits on how much anti-cult freedom you can give them- birthdays, holidays, sports, music, school dances, etc.

Good luck.

Beth Sarim

StarTrek;

Good luck with your fade. It has taken me years, if not decades to wiggle-out of the control group. Yes, I've said it decades!! It starts ever slow, then you do less and less as months, years go by. People just say ahh, '''Beth Sarim'' won't be here, I'm not surprised!!

LisaRose

If you had a good marriage for many years the odds are good that you can salvage this. Yes, it will be hard, and it's not ideal, but divorce will also be very hard on you, your girls and your wife.It won't solve your issues of how to bring up the girls, in fact you will have even less influence. Of course your wife will present her side of things, be prepared for that to make sure things stay on tract with the therapist. Your therapist is not going to jump in and criticize your wife's religion right off the bat, he/she will probably just seek to take in information at this point and built up trust, but it doesn't mean he/she will believe everything your wife says, so be patient.

Make sure you are calm and neutral, but don't let your wife get away with pretending that this is just a normal religion, because it is not. Most JWs present one side to people outside the group, but we know what they really believe and teach. Explain to the therapist that if your children become JWs it will result in them eventually shunning you. Show the therapist the Caleb and Sofia videos and the bible stories book. Talk about their baptism of young children, and the repercussions if they later chose to not be JWs, the shunning. Talk about their low retention rate and high suicide rate. Have quotes from the Watchtower showing how warped their teachings are. Have the evidence that they are a cult.

This is actually a good opportunity for you, your wife can see first hand how other people react to what Jehovah's Witnesses actually believe as compared to the whitewashed version they sell to the public.

goingthruthemotions

i feel for you star trek.

right now i go to the meeting to shield my kids. every chance i have...i tell them how many lie they are being told. also i make sure that my kids dont associate with any witness kids, stay active with wordly stuff. focus on education, it's always a battle when your spouse is a full dub ( like ours are)

i take it one day at a time....man, this cult has taken it toll on my marriage. not sure how long we will last. but, i will keep shielding my kids until they can tell my wife for themselves that they don't want nothing to do with the cult.

smiddy

S.T.A.

Who can fathom the mind of a J.W. seriously.......who can.?

Your wife buys a lottery ticket ? and hopes to win

She plays the pokies ? and does have a small win

Would she tell / confess that to the Elders ? I don`t think so .

So , she has double standards , it`s alright if she breaks the rules , she can justify that , but not alright if someone else breaks the rules , it just proves they are apostate against the truth. .

Maybe , sometimes , people just need to be confronted with their hypocricy`s to wake them up.

smiddy

jhine

Hi STA , I think that TorninTwo made a good point about therapists trying to get the trust of clients at first . However it is likely that your therapist does not really understand what the WT is really like . It sounds as if your wife doesn't either if she thinks that there will be no consequences to your fade .

Perhaps you should follow the advice to give the therapist a quick lesson on the WT , if only so that they can help other people better in the future .

The thing to hope for is that when those repercussions start and your wife sees the unloving action and judgemental attitude of other Witnesses it may start her thinking .

Jan

Heartsafire

Please keep us posted. I've seriously considered seeing a therapist myself just so I can get some unbiased feedback on my relationship. Of course, my husband is real charmer and will say and/or do anything to win a person over. This is a big reason why I've put off couples therapy. It would turn into round after round of he-said-she-said with him only attending the meeting with the goal of winning over the counselor.

As for the lottery ticket thing...you are right she is not a hardcore witness. I'm just baffled that she would defend her stand as a JW and then turn around and buy one. Double standards or confusion maybe?

Everyone's situation is different. Only you know what you can and cannot live with. I can't help but think of the old saying...hope for the best, prepare for the worst...something like that.

Anyway, we're rooting for you STA. Hope all goes well for you.

StarTrekAngel

Thanks everyone.

I did give the therapist a run down (2 hrs worth) of what the cult is like. I did not show him anything, it was just words. May be I do need to put something together. As far as him trying to gain her trust, that very well may be. I did not think about that. Now I do hope that is the case, because my wife left the office with a very big smile in her face and I did not. She did mention that may be things did not go the way I wanted them to go. If he was trying to gain her trust, he very much succeeded.

My fade might well start today.

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