Confessions of an ex-elder

Irreverent

Since this forum is for cleansing and healing through sharing, I want to share some confessions of an ex-elder. How could I have allowed myself to be conned into becoming an elder? And, after becoming an elder, why did it take me 3 years to finally figure out the hypocrisy of the organization? I tried to follow my conscience; tried to apply the kind of love that Jesus showed. But self-examination in an elder body is not allowed; you must become a company man. I tried to live my life through examples of showing love to my wife; my family; those who desparately reached out for love. But, no; the organization comes first, and you will be shown that you must conform to the organization's standards. I battled for awhile, tried to use the bible and research to stand up to them. But there was always the elder's book and the secret letters; the upspoken rules handed down by the traveling brothers. These are what really mattered

.

Why did I allow myself under the guise of "freedom of speech" to be emotionally,spiritually dissected by these men in their attempt to break me, to get me to follow the company line? Bodies of elders do to their fellow brothers things that would never be allowed to happen to publishers. So, I decided not to play the elder game anymore. I also decided not to play the KH game anymore. But when I did play the game, did I do anyone a disservice by not being more honest?

I am thankful for the few that I was able to help. I think a two sisters who were sexually assaulted by a brother. Their personal thanks to me for my support meant alot. I think of the family who had to confront the issue of suicide in their family. They were thankful of my caring. And, I think of those who were crushed by those who were uncaring; I tried to show them that Jesus would not act like that, that there is someone who cares. But now I am no longer under their spell. My worth has never been measured by any position or responsibility given to be by anyone. If it took this experience to get me to this point; then I am thankful for that. I have my life and my wife and for that I am thankful. And for those who have been hurt by an elder, I am sorry.

dottie

(((((((((((Irreverent))))))))))))

Thanks for your heartfelt words! In the long run, you did the right thing by leaving, and I bet you feel a whole lot better now that you did. I hope that things are well for you now

Many Hugs & Much Love

Dottie

Jesika

Thank you for sharing this with us.

I think you apologizing on the elder's behalf is noble. I think it will help some who never got that apology.

Oh, and welcome to the board!!!!!!!

Jes (an elder's daughter)

reubenfine

Welcome to the board and thanks for sharing. 3 years, that isn't so bad at all! You had a well-trained conscience and it has paid off.

OUTLAW

Your a good man irreverent,there are so many who are too pompous and arrogant to admit mistakes..One good man is worth more than all the yes men WBTS can churn out...OUTLAW

jillbedford

Always be true to yourself. You made the right choice. We are glad to have you here with us!

JeffT

Welcome, and good for you for getting out of it after only 3 years. I wonder about the elder that married my wife and I. He was a real stand up guy. I haven't seen him in 15 years or so, I often wondered if maybe he got out. Found out recently he's still in and still an elder. I can't imagine what kind of mental gymnastics he's had to put himself through.

jst2laws

Hello Irreverent

I related to everything you said.

I tried to follow my conscience; tried to apply the kind of love that Jesus showed. But self-examination in an elder body is not allowed; you must become a company man.

That is why you are where you are now. Your type does not fit, no matter how hard and for how long you keep trying.

why did it take me 3 years to finally figure out the hypocrisy of the organization?

Three years? You bait me to make a fool of myself to admit it took me 29 years as an elder. Now! I hope you feel better. (As for me, I need a stiff drink)

You are OK! If you are feeling guilty or foolish it is part of the process, you will grow past it. But to post your feelings here is wonderful, because it helps others to grow too. Hope you keep it up. There are possibly thousands lurking who can be aided by such candid expressions as yours.

Jst2laws

Maverick

As a recovering member of the dis-serving body for sixteen years you have my best wishes for a solid recovery. I think the good hearted try to see the good in others and find it hard to admit it may be lacking. The more Christ-like you try to be the more they put on your plate to keep you from coming up for air! Take a deep breath and may you have peace. Maverick

outoftheorg

Yes Irreverent, I like you was and elder for 4 or 5 years. For some reason I can not be certain of the time spent as an elder. Was it a time in my life that my subconscious wants to not recall?? I also had many confrontations with the long time leader elders. It seemed to me that the least loving, most arrogant, least intelligent, made it to the top of the elder list.

I never felt qualified for a position of leading other people in their beliefs and actions and controlling their private lives. I was very uncomfortable with this burden.

It took me a little longer than you to refuse to continue as an elder. Then it took another aprox. 4 years to no longer want to attend meetings etc. Then another 10 years to get clear out.

So don't be too hard on yourself. Like you, I think I helped a few. At least they told me I did. Now they won't even speak to me. It seems from your story that you got your wife and family out also. Good for you. All of this did a lot of damage to my family.

Glad to see you here. You are very welcome.

Outoftheorg

Confessions of an ex-elder

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