TERRORISTS THANK AMERICAN PROTESTERS
By: Benedict Arnett with special arrangement of Al Jerksrah news service.
Wednesday 02 April 2003
Through a series of interviews, this reporter has learned that terrorist standing by inside Iraq, by special by invitation of President Saddam Hushame, have expressed their appreciation to anti-war critics throughout America and the rest of the world. The common theme seems to be that without the help of anti-war critics, no one would appreciate the critical and loving work of the suicide bombers.
Ukin Kiza Miaz, senior lieutenant in the Iraqi military and who claims credit for teaching his men how to raise a white flag and hide weapons behind it said, “Allah smiles on us as we see infidels supporting us.” He also said he wishes he could personally thank each and every one of those who disrupt the decadent life of Americans, but fears the executions of these infidels will proceed faster than he can shake their hands.
A self professed suicide bomber, I Bin Farteen, perpetrator of several silent but deadly attacks against American interests worldwide, chimed in with, “Allah is good. It is American dynamite we strap to our bodies to blow the infidels up.” He further claimed that he received much of this dynamite from French sources. He also added, “these foolish Americans fight for us and we will kill them all. Allah has blinded them for us and we will be victorious.”
Two brothers, recently arrived through Syria, U Leeka Madiq and U Wanna Madiq, both agreed that the American protests were instrumental in their flocking to Iraq to finish off the failed military invasion. Both have said they have a personal contact in Seattle, Washington, code named, “Charlie,” that steers them in their direction and keeps them informed of current events through their laptop computers. U Leeka said, “I would love to meet the dog, but when were finished here, we will finish him off too.”
I Bin Farteen said that gas attacks are not ruled out in the current war and he will personally release as much gas as he can muster against the invading dogs. Miaz said that several white flags have been prepared as well as vehicles filled with women and children all prepared to die for Allah and Saddam Hushame. The Madiq brothers didn’t have much to add as they were both busy preparing for an invasion of the local penal colony.
Mizlit Iz Hari, the only female to talk to me, said she took part in some protests inside America, but gave up her $75,000 a year job, left her decadent dog of an American husband in Detroit and returned to the land of camel dung to help force the women there to stay in their assigned places. “After we defeat and kill all these American dogs, we will take over their country and make it just like our beautiful Iraq,” she chimed in. “Allah says we are to fight for our men and submit to them, “ she added, “and all women will follow us, or die. Allah is with us and arms us with weapons to kill the infidels.”
When anti-Saddam Iraqi rebels were seen approaching from the south, all were heard to mutter, "Holy Shiite."
This reporter will be returning to America tomorrow and will lead a protest march down the streets of Columbia University along with Assistant Professor, Nicholas De Genova and join him in his wishes for “a million Mogadishus.”
Copyright 2003 Al Jerksrah News Amalgamated