by Doubtfully Yours 19 Replies latest jw experiences
Please chime in if you're one of my kindred spirit that happens to literally be trapped in due to strong family/friends ties, or plain fear of being abandoned in old age.
Although leaving the Org is my ultimate wish and desire, fear of the unknown, fear of how it would change my family dinamics, plain fear alone paralyzes me.
How do you cope in this difficult situation?
DY
I you feel you are trapped, are they really "family ties" or is it a hostage situation?
Real family and friends are there for us, not holding an axe over our head threatening us lest we step out of line.
Consider walking away and finding a better life and better people to share it with.
I WAS in your situation and made the foolish mistake of outing myself before I had formed any relationships outside of the bOrg. My advice is that you build a 'double life' for yourself and only then, when you feel secure, fade.
Ween yourself off. Start by mssing every other mid week meeting then reduce to once a month until you are not going to any. Then do the same thing with Sunday meetings. Spend the time you usually spent at meetings in doing things for you - IOW self-care.
FS can be reduced in a similar way. Start by going to the group and say you have to go on RVs and you have an appointment after so you would prefer to go alone. Gradually reduce time spent but continue to put in a fake report of 2hrs or so to keep the secretary of your back. If anyone asks tell them you are fine and act as "normal" as possible during this time you are weening yourself off.
Trust me, once you get a taste of your freedom your mind will start to clear more and more the fog will lift until you want freedom more than you fear change.
For all of the worse case scenarios I imagined would happen if I left, none of them were as bad as I imagined. AND the freedom and success were better than I could have imagined. Being free is worth any sacrifice.
You will make new friends if you allow yourself to. You will find new interests and they can all be of your own choosing.
You're really talking about making a new life for yourself,
I left everything and everybody 2 1/2 years ago,
I don't know enough about you to give the best advice as everybody and every situation is different,
You wouldn't be leaving any good friends as a friend is somebody you can talk to without consequences,
Only you know your family situation, but family can be tough no matter who you are in life,
Lonliness (Eleanor Rigby) is a real problem as are relationships if you're single,
Nowadays we have Meetup and Paltalk that I use regularly,
So there are ways to cope out there,
So all the best,
Write in often THIS IS A GREAT GROUP!
:0)
Doubtfully Yours
It's something I'm dealing with too. I never really had any friends at the hall but just the act of going there and being in a room full of people meant I was 'going out' and now I suddenly realise I have no where to go, nowhere to be. My psychologist has told me she wants me to make 'new friends' but I'm 64, it's a daunting task.
But I won't go back. Sometimes you just have to step out into the unknown and really, after all we now know do we really want to be associated with such an organization?
Message me anytime if you want to chat. I have made a friends on this forum already and that has really, really helped me.
In your situation a long slow fade is an option.
That way you get to have your cake and eat it too.
I did it like sparrow did above.
If a situation develops where you"stumbled" (even if you really arent) that works to diffuse attention from you slowing down by giving you a kinda/sorta "reason".
Another effective "reason" amongst the health superstitious JWs, is to develop an "itis" or an "algia" - a slightly mysterious illness that cannot be refuted or denied and which makes any criticizer look "unloving and gossipy" a big fear for the average JW (they dont mind BEING unloving and gossipy - they just fear looking like they are).
So arthritis, fibromyalgia etc are great in that regard. The newest rage seems to be allergies....
I know a sister who is fading and getting sympathy because she is allergic to lights. Yep! Lights.
Apparently the lights in the ceiling at the Kingdom Hall give her a headache and make her "feel like she might have a seizure" .
This woman is 65 and never had a seizure in her life mind you. She also goes to shopping centers, restaurants and movie theaters which dont seem to bring on headaches or seizures.
So she has everyone where she wants them. If they criticize or second guess her medical condition (self diagnosed by the way) THEY are breaking the "rules" of the group by appearing judgey.
The elders dont want to sort it out so they stand down also.
Anyway, you get the idea. Use their own superstitions and unwritten by laws to benefit yourself.
How do you cope in this difficult situation?....DY
Leaving will not get easier if you wait and wait and wait...
There`s a better life waiting for you..
Just walk away, you won`t regret it..
