by Satanus 21 Replies latest jw friends
Stepping up and offering my apology too. After a lifetime of abuse I have a hard time letting people get too close. I just had another experience at work with trusting people too much and getting hurt. Some times it just doesn't seem worth the pain.
But an eternal optimist who prefers to keep on trying I will do just that.
Boundaries are a good thing only when they keep the bad guys out. They aren't helpful when they keep the good guys out too.
Boundaries are a good thing only when they keep the bad guys out. They aren't helpful when they keep the good guys out too
LadyLee, that is very good advice.
Love,
Robyn
Robdar: was that directed to anyone in particular?
I tend to have lots of aquantances and very few close friends. lol course it could be cause I am such a bitch.....I don't like to let anyone to close, I tell people what I want them to know about me and when they get to close I back off....
hhhmm from the responses to this thread you have to wonder how much is exJW related, funny how many things you think are unique to you only to realize you share them with so many other people....lol not feeling so special now
well my devilish friend it is balm to my ego to know you have repulsed the advances of other lusty exJW woman and not just myself!!!
From the responses to this thread you have to wonder how much is exJW related...
I don’t think it’s ex/JW-related. It’s just the way most people are. For various reasons. To a degree I believe the credit/blame can be laid on upbringing and life experiences. The main reason for it, though, is that like everything else about us: we choose to be this way.
I think it is hurt in a person's life. A person gets to a point that they just can't stand to be rejected or betrayed one more time and still maintain thier sanity. I think it can happen to anyone but for those raised as Witnesses it is even worse because we were rejected as kids when our personalities were being formed. School was hell for a lot and the people in the congregations could be very judgmental. I think if a person wants to live a happy life somehow though you just have to take the chances and try to open up and ignore the times we do get hurt. No expert here though.
aaahhh yes teejay but WHY do we choose to be this way??? The majority of us were raised as JW's aka our upbringing and life experiences are the same so it stands to reason we would have a lot of the same personality disorders, to varying degrees of course. So there appears to be something in the JW upbringing that triggers people to make these choices....I am sure there are several other religions that trigger this type of behavior also, so it isn't totally unique to the exJW experience. I haven't noticed this type of behavior in my co-workers...lol of course I don't allow them to get close enough to me to find out if they are letting me get close enough to them...
ah well who really knows right?
Just another personality disorder for me to work on within myself.....baby steps, baby steps
aaahhh yes teejay but WHY do we choose to be this way???
Xena,
My first post to this thread was quite long. It was about how my mother was raised and, therefore, how she raised me. But I changed my mind about posting it because, ultimately, we are the way we are because we choose to be this way – for whatever reason.
It’s like goofy just said... whatever the reason, whether JW, or being hurt, or bad experiences... at some point we have to say, “okay... sometimes I’m going to get hurt. Sometimes people are going to let me down. But there are others out there who are real and true and honest and my life would be better if they were in it in some way.”
It’s a choice. We choose. I’m not suggesting diving into the deep end all at once or trusting a total stranger with our bank account. Just see that, if we little by little let the walls down with select ones, occasionally there is a payoff.
I believe that... and I’m a cynic. Really.
p.s. There might be ONE reason the JW experience plays a roll in the height and thickness of our emotional walls: over the years we haven’t gotten to know many non-JWs. I’m learning that, the more of them I meet, the more I realize how much of a lie the Watchtower Society’s view of “worldly” people is.
I think we can all relate on some level to what Saint Satan posted.
It takes a considerable amount of time before we let ourselves, let others in.
When we think back to what consumed our intimacy (WTBTS) and what it did to our trust issues and psycho-social skills, it doesn't surprise me that we somehow react the way we do, when it comes to matters related to developing closeness in friendships, relationships and with people in general.
It takes time, and we all work on our own personal time frame.
This is a good place to air those concerns, because you can be guaranteed, someone, somewhere CAN/WILL Relate to you.
Thanks for sharing Saint Satan, because we're doing the same thing, as a result of your post.
Best wishes, and positive thoughts.
Robdar: was that directed to anyone in particular? Sheila, No, it wasn't directed at anybody in particular. Sometimes, I have had similar difficulties in letting people get close. But, throughout my life I have made myself make an effort to put my misgivings aside and to let people in, to give them a chance. The ones that I let in who wound up hurting me I forgave because I wanted to think the best of them and because I did believe that we should try to forgive. Forgiveness helps us to get off the karmic wheel, imo. But here recently, I have decided that I could be wrong. If somebody hurts me, is unkind, or is just a plain asshole, they can go jump in the lake. I treat people the way I want to be treated. I have always endeavored to be honest and affectionate in my everyday dealings with others. I haven't always succeeded, but did my best. But now, I consider it a waste of my time waiting for people to mature. I have other things to do. From now on, if somebody betrays me, lies to me, lies about me, hits me or verbally, mentally, emotionally or spiritually causes me harm, I will have nothing to do with them except in order to defend myself. There will be no second chances at friendship. Personally, I am beginning to feel that the JW's are on to something. There is much power in shunning. Robyn
