Need some advice :(

Nickey

I'm in the middle of a heartbreaking moment and don't know who to ask or turn to.

I've been in a relationship for 7 years. Most of it was long distance, but we still communicated through emails and phone calls and planned to visit each other until we could come together again. He left for New York last year and said he would try to start his own business and I would then plan on moving to be with him when we both finished school. Both of us were in college. It sounded like a good plan.

Until last summer, he told me didn't want to have a relationship any longer and that he was speaking with someone else and wanted to give them a chance. He didn't officially break the relationship until he came to me saying he was leaving me for this other woman.

Anyway, they spent 2 weeks together and he ended up dumping her saying he just didn't love her like he loved me. I felt like a fool, because I took him back.

Just last night, I asked him if he had sex with this woman and he said yes. It broke my heart and I'm sitting here in denial that he would do that and only spending 2 weeks with this woman. 2 weeks and he already had sex with this woman only a few short days after dumping me. He says he was stupid and wrong and that he regrets doing it.

Now, I don't even know what to do or to think... I'm just shocked and angry.

NaruNaruChan

Nickey,

If he left you for this women, he'll leave again. Don't be stupid, he just is looking for a place to get his (pardon my french) pecker washed. Drop him, you're worth more than that, and you CAN find someone better. Trust me.

Big Tex

If he left you for this women, he'll leave again.

Amen to that. Nickey, once someone has shown you who they are, then believe it and don't forget. Please don't feel like a fool. Consider this: if he really, honestly cared about you he would not have left you for another woman. I'm a 40 year old man, and I do know understand how guys think. A man who really loves a woman would never leave her for someone else. This is a life experience, and for your own mental well-being tell this loser to go fly a kite. Better to have a little pain now, than a lot of pain later.

Take care,

Chris

Nickey

Thanks for the advice. It was hard, but I told him that I was through.

joannadandy

Until last summer, he told me didn't want to have a relationship any longer and that he was speaking with someone else and wanted to give them a chance. He didn't officially break the relationship until he came to me saying he was leaving me for this other woman.

That was your first mistake. Nickey I am so sorry! You should never have had to deal with this crap, it's not right and it's not fair.

You allowed him to test the waters to see if he could try something with someone else, and lo and behold it didn't work so he got to come back...he got a free trial.

I realize long distance relationships are tough, but you should have NOT been ok with his behavior. When he first presented this scenario of "another woman" to you, you should have dumped him right there. He got to keep his stable relationship, and to try something new. That's not how relationships work. If he wants to try something new, he needs to break up with you first.

As for his whole, "it was a mistake" deal...yeah...we all make mistakes. Maybe he should have thought about it a little bit more before he threw away seven years with you, for a two week fling that was obviously based upon lust.

Sorry if I am a little catty, it's just that I had a boyfriend pull this crap on me too. Only as soon as I heard about the "other woman" I told him, "see ya". A month later he called me up, just to chat and try and work things out...he had been, "such a fool"...and I said, "yup you were." End of Story.

You should never let anyone treat you like a second class person. Which is exactly what he did. You deserve better than that.

I know it is going to be hard for you, you two had a lot of history together. But what would you rather have? More time with him, a few more happy memories, and then some more heartache? Cuz I promise, he will do it again...You have a chance to start new. It's my personal policy to never look back. You obviously are destined to have bigger and better things put before you...

Hang in there girlie!

E-mail me if ya want: [email protected]

Or if you have yahoo messanger you can add me, I'm Sassy_Frassy_Lassie.

If you ever wanna talk, vent, cry, get pissed, whatever...drop me a line, ok?

bikerchic

(((((((((Nickey))))))))

I know it hurts now, but in time the pain will go away and you will be stronger for not letting yourself be fooled again. Maybe your X will get the message early on in his life that he can't be a cheater, you can always hope.

Hang in there, be kind to yourself and hold your head up high for having the guts to kick him to the curb!

Katie

RAYZORBLADE

Nickey:

I'm sorry to read of what happened. I am glad you are doing alot of thinking right now.

I would have to agree with many opinions expressed re: your partner

You owe it to yourself, to find someone who totally appreciates and loves you for who you are. If they have to 'test' the waters, you can be damn sure what that means.

My mother used to say: 'there are well over 6 billion people on this planet, and you won't live long enough to meet all of them - don't just settle for that one person, you have options' - and I'm sure you're a wonderful person, with much to offer.

A man with any sense in his noggin would be a fool to overlook someone like you.

I say look after Number One #1 first and foremost, that being you, and kick someone to the curb.

I wish you well.

Joannadandy has offered her yahoo msgr., so chat her up, she's a sweetie. I'm sure she'll be more than understanding and comforting.

Take care, and be well Nickey .

berylblue

Nicky, my heart goes out to you.

I know this feels terrible right now, but I am sure you will meet someone who will truly love you for what and who you are.

I never thought I would after my husband left, but I have found someone a million times better. I am certain you will too.

Rosemarie

Xena

Personally I would review the last 7 years...was it good enough to warrent giving him another chance? People DO make stupid mistakes, lol trust me I KNOW!

Don' t just act on the emotion of the moment and do something you might regret, either in taking him back or dumping him. Tell him you need some time, that you have been hurt deeply and need to really think about how you feel and if you can truly trust him again and then do that....THINK ABOUT IT...especially the trust part, cause if you can't bring yourself to trust him again you really will never have a good relationship with him.

I am sorry this happened to you, I know how much it hurts.....

Best wishes in whatever you decide!

SheilaM

Nickey:

People do make mistakes and thank goodness it only took him two weeks to figure out that he didn't love her. Normally I would say run for the hills but in this case I would say, give him a chance. Sex is not everything sometimes people make horrible mistakes and I'm sure he is regretting it more than you. I know my son-in-law goofed and now regrets it horribly.

Need some advice :(

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