what should I do...

by davidsf 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  davidsf

  Unbelievable... the guy I studied with called my house tonight after 10 years I left. Fortunately my wife answered and told him I wasn't available so I have time to think about my options. He left his name and number. I never officially disassociated myself, I simply left. They finally found me, probably through my mother or brother who are witnesses.

  What's current JW policy on disassociated ones? What kind of contact can believers have with disassociated ones? The only reason I don't disassociated myself now to stop any harassment is because I still want to associate and be able to talk to my brother and mother. Alternatively I suppose I can write a letter saying please never contact me again without explicity saying I'm disassociating myself but I doubt that will stop them.

  What are my options? I want them never to call me or visit me at my home but at the same time I want to be able to talk to and associate with my mother and brother. Is this possible?

  thanks!

  David
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  nowisee

  hi david,

  im sorry i don't really know the answers to your questions because ive been out a long long time.

  but i did just want to welcome you to the forum.
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  cruzanheart

  Welcome to the forum! This is a good place for questions, venting, humor, and generally taking your socks off and staying awhile (because in cyberspace no one can smell dirty feet). As for your question, my opinion is that you should just gently ignore the phone call and get on with your life. If they call back -- and I strongly suggest you get Caller ID -- just hedge, plead illness, put them off. Eventually they may get tired of trying and quit calling or coming by. It only took three phone calls for the elders in my KH to give up on me, but they're pretty lazy so other places may take longer.

  Good luck!

  Nina
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  SixofNine

  I want them never to call me or visit me at my home but at the same time I want to be able to talk to and associate with my mother and brother. Is this possible?

  Probably not. But after 10 years, you should be able to brush them off w/o much trouble. I would assume the guy just cared enough to look you up, no doubt spurred on by the memorial tommorrow.

  Why did we think it was so important to get non-witnesses and inactive ones to that meeting again?
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  DJ

  Welcome David,

  I think you are just a part of the all new classification policy. Many if not all inactives and df's are being called on recently. It is to see if you will come back or not so they can classify you. I believe that currently the light is "off". That means that if you are DA'd then your family is supposed to shun you. You can just avoid them if you think that your family would actually do that to you. You are the one who probably knows for sure. Personally, I would have to tell them that I do not believe that they are God's mouthpiece and just give my mom love until she sees that they are wrong. Essentially what it boils down to is this: Come to the KH and praise the watchtower or we will tell your family that they must hate you. A threat, basically. My best to you. I've been there and it's hard but loving them in the face of their hate got to them after a couple of years. dj
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  gcc2k

  If you do a search you will find that there is a general campaign to visit the inactive and try to "encourage" them to come back to meetings.

  Many have echoed your concerns about "what if", and there really are no hard and fast answers. If you tell them to bugger off, odds are good that it will have a worse effect than meeting with them and saying you are just not in a place right now where you can deal with this, due to work, family or whatever.
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  Nathan Natas

  It may be best if you thank them very much for the deep concern they've demonstrated and explain that you are very very very busy right now and will contact them as soon as you are able to.

  Keep your tongue planted firmly in your cheek during your expression of sincere gratitude. A bit of convincing acting now can give you more of what you want to preserve.
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  Max Divergent

  Welcome!

  When I stopped going, I said I just didn't have anything religious to discuss but they were welcome for a coffee anytime. That worked quite well - they haven't been aggressivly barred from the premises which would piss them off, but they have no motivation to call either (and didn't).

  Remember that they have a duty to call on every former JW every 12 months. They usually don't (thank goodness), but even if they do they usually don't expect anything out of it except a tick in the box by your name on their list.

  (I used to make some of the calls on the more harmless x-JW's with an elder. It was usually just a mechanical duty, and so long as everyone played their role and maintained the status-quo, all was well. They asked us in for a cuppa, we either accept or decline on the basis of how comfortable the house looks or if we've got somthing better to be doing (ie: somthing even slacker). We chatter about the weather, offer the mags, invite them to the hall or for more discussions, have a second cookie and move on and forget we ever made the call. No-one enoyed it, but it was a break from the door-to-door stuff for us and showed the CO the Congo was doing the right thing)

  Or it might just be a social catch-up? Who knows? Did you like the guy? If so - well, catch up with him or don't - your choice. If not, tell him to go hither or ignore him or meet him anyway- your choice.

  Well, that's my thoughts anyhow...

  Max
• 

  JamesThomas

  JamesT
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  Francois

  "The nail that sticks out gets pounded down."

  Keep this in mind when dealing with the JWs.

  francois