A poem, remembering child abuse

by LyinEyes 23 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  LyinEyes

  Thank God , I mean Simon, for the edit feature, it has saved my butt many times.

  I am so glad you all understand my need to keep to myself a little longer what I wrote. I am really glad that those who did read it and replied were all of you, because you all know exactly what I am going thru.

  I am taking this road slowly, because I dont want to fall on my face......lol. I feel I almost did that,,,but really it is just my perception of exposing myself,,,,,,,,,it is not like the whole world would read it, but the fact that it was there,,,, I just didnt quite feel safe yet, to leave it there. Sometimes I am afraid some of the things I have written will be dug up and used agaisnt me, maybe something I wrote in a weakened state of mind and I would be just mortified ,ya know?

  I know the things that happened are not my fault but I am just a bit of a perfectionist and have always wanted things to be just so,,,,,,,even my childhood, my homelife,,,,,,my outward self to the world. I can honestly say I am so different when it comes to my kids,,,,,,, I am raising them to be free as birds, open to new ideas, free to express themselves and lots of saying,,,,,,,, I understand , we will get thru this ,,,,,,,so different from the way I was raised. Now if only I can treat myself as I do my kids........and listen to my own words that I hear coming out of my body, yet they sound so inapplicable to myself. Well, I am working on that,,,,,,,,,,,lol......... thanks for all you responding with wisdom , love and gentleness......... it will never be forgotten..........hugs Dede
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  berylblue

  Dede, it's important to go at your own pace. As for myself, when I intimated to others that I had been abused, they all but called me a lying luatic. So I shoved the experience deep down inside myself. When I feel a little stronger, I may re-examine it, but for now, it's back to denial.

  You are in my thoughts.
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  DJ

  I

  know the things that happened are not my fault but I am just a bit of a perfectionist and have always wanted things to be just so,,,,,,,even my childhood, my homelife,,,,,,my outward self to the world. I can honestly say I am so different when it comes to my kids,,,,,,, I am raising them to be free as birds, open to new ideas, free to express themselves and lots of saying,,,,,,,, I understand , we will get thru this ,,,,,,,so different from the way I was raised. Now if only I can treat myself as I do my kids........and listen to my own words that I hear coming out of my body, yet they sound so inapplicable to myself. Well, I am working on that,,,,,,,,,,,lol......... thanks for all you responding with wisdom , love and gentleness......... it will never be forgotten..........hugs Dede

  Wow, Dede....that sounds as if I wrote it. We must be a lot alike.
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  SheilaM

  DeDe:

  I know the things that happened are not my fault but I am just a bit of a perfectionist and have always wanted things to be just so,,,,,,,

  Boy, can I relate to this I lived in a Fairy Tale no one knew what an ass my Dad was nor that my Mom was on Valium and out of it most of my formative years. Any one that suspected I wasn't sunny and happy was no longer in my life I got rid of them toot-sweet. In fact Thunder didn't realize until we had been married quite awhile.

  My latest sculpture I believe might be kinda how you are: It's wood and a sun (representing how the world sees me) sunny happy etc. It has an insert cut out that are doors shaped like the moon and dark midnight blue sky with a old skeleton key plate on it (representing the darkness and that their is a key that everyone feels they have to me) you open the doors and it's dark blue but has a latex cast of my hand with a crocheted chain. a piece of my hair and it has raspberries on on all four walls with two small books (I carved from wood and painted) (this represents what everyone see's and what they think is the "real" me. then there is a swirly piece of glass and behind it a blood red piece of glass on that glass is the skeleton key (representing the Real key to me but it's can't be reached"

  So sweetie I understand perfectly