College, Working and Kids: Is it Possible?

by StinkyPantz 22 Replies latest social family

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  StinkyPantz

  I need opinions from parents. First, let me share my situation. I am 24 years old and my husband is 33. We have been married two years and are thinking about having kids. We are both in college right now, though we are taking a year's hiatus because we are moving out of state. It takes a year to become a resident of Florida, and if we chose to go to school before we are residents the costs would be too high, so we are waiting. Jon, my husband will be finished with school in 2-3 years. I will be done in another 3-7 depending on whether I decide to get my Master's. He is a Computer Technician and owns a small computer repair business and I am a waitress. Our combined income is around $45,000 per year.

  So here's the dilemma:

  I want kids now. He wants them after we finish school. What should we do?

  My side:

  1. We are taking a year off, so that will give me time to a have a smoother, less stressful pregnancy. I will be working, but I won't have the combined burden of work + school.

  2. Jon isn't getting any younger. If I wait until after I get my bachelor's he'll be 36 (I'll be 27), if we wait until after I get my Master's he'll be 40 (I'll be 34). And that's with our first child. I want at least two. My dad was forty when they had my brother and he's far less active with him than he was with me and my older brother.

  3. My current job is very flexible. If I wait until I graduate and I'm starting my career, I won't have the flexibility.

  4. With my current job I will be able to work opposite Jon's schedule which will leave one of us free to be with the baby at all times, so they'll be no need to pay a babysitter.

  5. If we have the child now, it'll be in preschool by the time we finish school, so they'll be less need for a babysitter.

  6. Jobs are VERY competitive for Black women and being off from work even for only 6 weeks will set me behind my colleagues for promotions.

  Jon's side:

  1. Waiting until we are finished with school and have decent jobs will ensure a secure future. I might have a hard pregnancy, or might not be able to handle the pressures of motherhood and drop out of school.

  2. While having a degree doesn't guarantee a job, it is far more likely that we will have decent jobs and will be able to financially care for our child better. Jon grew up poor and will not have his children in the same boat.

  3. Going to school, working, and having a career will be too overwhelming for us and could harm the marriage and/or child.

  4. Waitressing will be hard to do while pregnant.

  __________________________________________________________________________

  So that's basically it. I'd like to hear from all parents, but those that went to school who had kids at the same time would especially be appreciated.
• 

  Valis

  Hey SP, why couldn't you take online classes, or maybe just one or two and maybe get some financial aid?

  This site has lots of scholarship opportunities for all kinds of people wanting to go to or stay in school..

  htt[://www.fastweb.com

  Best of luck!
• 

  gitasatsangha

  Possibly you could do both?

  Just a suggestion of something that is working for me: A lot of regionally accredited colleges are offering courses now, and some of the degree programs (even out of state) are very inexpensive. You just have to be aware of the phony schools that take your moeny and give you a worthless piece of parchment.

  Check out www.degreeinfo.com I used this site and the comments on their message board to get started going back to school. some really excellent regionally accredited colleges that offer distance courses are Excelsior collge (formerly SUNY), Penn State, Western Governors, Thomas Edison, Villanova.

  (took a school off that list as i just noticed a discrepency about it)
• 

  SheilaM

  Stinky:

  I would never put off having children they are a joy. You can always get an education it will be there, as far as it effectiing your employment oppurtunities, I always had great jobs and sometimes-many times better positons than those with full degrees. Having a baby is wonder
• 

  home_and_dry

  Without sounding patronising, no one really knows just how hard it is to be a parent until you become one. I always thought that when I had my first child, i would be able to arrange my life so that I could still work, take care of her and spend time with my partner. I did pretty much manage to do that, just, but thats when everything goes according to plan. What I didn't bank on were the endless sleepless nights and then having to go to work the next day. I think I spent six months in a partial coma! Because it is such a life changing event, you and hubby both need to be in agreement about whether or not to have a baby. I know as a mother that sometimes the desire to have a child is unbelievably strong, and you can have a tendency to fix everything in your mind so that you convince yourself that every other aspect of your life will fall into place once your baby is born. If you really feel that now is the time to start a family, then go for it. But be prepared for all the hard work that will follow! And make sure you have the support of your hubby because believe me, you will need it! I wouldn't change my life or my kids for the world but I can still remember how hard it was in those early years. One things for sure, when you do have your children, they will be very loved and wanted. And I guess thats as important as getting yourself prepared for being a parent. Good luck to you and keep us posted!
• 

  StinkyPantz

  Valis & Gita-

  Hey SP, why couldn't you take online classes, or maybe just one or two and maybe get some financial aid?

  I am getting financial aid. That still doesn't give me more time or energy for a child.

  As for taking online classes. They aren't available in my chosen field. I have taken all of my basics (English, Speech, Algebra, etc). Now, I need to take lab classes since I'm in a science field. Plus, we are moving to Florida because UCF has a great Forensic Science Program.
• 

  Valis

  UCF has a great Forensic Science Program.

  *LOL* That should be fun while you're carrying the bowling ball...*LOL*

  Instructor: OK, make the inscision at the diaphragm, all the pay to the pubic bone...then remove all the internal organs...

  Stinky: Erm...um...gulp....*hurl*...So much for that spaghetti and meatballs for lunch!

  *LOL*

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
• 

  StinkyPantz

  SheilaM-

  Having a career is extremely important to me. If having children means I can not continue with furthering my educational and career aspects then children will wait. I want them very badly, don't get me wrong; but I fear that since I have done nothing other than waitressing, the money just won't be where I want it to be in order to give my children the lifestyle that I think they deserve.

  Home_and_dry-

  My husband supports everything I do. His preference is to wait, but he's willing to go along with my dreams and aspirations. I am not so naive to think that everything will go perfectly, but I am an optimist, over-planner and over-achiever. I have my life planned up until the day I die, but even then I have a contingency plan . I think things would be better now when we are young and can enjoy our young growing children w/o job BS always around. The first few years of a child's life are important and they need lots more attention. With my flexible job, I think that I can do that better.
• 

  StinkyPantz

  Valis-

  Very funny.

  I won't be doing Forensic Pathology with deals with dead bodies, just mainly lab work. Besides, I want to be pregnant during the one year hiatus while I'm not in school.
• 

  RN

  Stinky,

  Well, I kinda meet some of your criteria so I guess I'll voice an opinion. I went back to school when I was in my late twenties. I had a husband and two children, both preschool age. The eldest child was ill, a cancer patient to be specific. I was doing freelance work for a book publisher at the time from home. Going back to school saved my sanity. It gave me very specific goals, which in the short term were only partially realized. Life was kind of chaotic for a few years (hubby was also in school part tiime to finish his BS) but we got through it. We both had to drop and retake a few classes along the way when things got tough with our son's illness. And we both took several months off when he died. But we both finished, it took me 3 1/2 years to complete a 2 year program. I have never regretted my decision to go back, or to continue when the going got rough.

  I must admit I most likely would have not tried to become pregnant, or would have been upset to find myself "accidently" pregnant under those circumstances. But I'm kinda stubborn so I would have charged on, I'm sure.

  Is there a "right" time to have a baby? Not really. So if you're waiting for the "right time" to have a baby, you'll never have a baby. There will always be something going on, some personal crisis, some goal, major world event etc. that will make the timing not "just right". Keep the dialogue open with your husband, you have some valid reasons for going ahead. You would like to have two children and you're 24; and unlike a man you don't have all the time in the world.

  RN