Declaration of Dependence

by Stephanus 27 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Stephanus

  I've mentioned my oppressive years in a church run house. I recently came across the agreement you had to sign to continue to live there when the new leadership took over. I have reproduced it below. Although it looks pretty innocuous, it became the foundation of a whole raft of abusive and oppressive, legalistic rules, often with the trappings of religion contained therein. This one sheet was later replaced by a 20 page booklet of rules (snippets of which I will post here when I find it). They were then built upon by verbal communication from the church office. The verbal rules (subject to change at whim) were as binding as the written. Sound familiar?

  

  Note the spelling mistake and aberrant apostrophe in the first two paragraphs.
• 

  Stephanus

  I'll give some examples of some (unwritten) rules built upon the foundation established by the above document and its predecessors, by the names I've always referred to them. Try and guess what they pertain to:

  "The Towel Rule"

  "The Cat and Cheese Rule"

  "The Cereal Bowl Rule"

  "The Sunday Chore Completion Rule"

  "The Two TV Rule"

  "The Big WorkBoots Rule"

  "The Oleanda Rule"

  "The Milk Delivery Rule"

  "The Cat and Chook (Chicken) Rule"
• 

  Stephanus

  Okay, due to lack of external interest, I'll start the ball rolling.

  "The Towel Rule"

  The house leader was concerned about blokes who wore only a towel between the bathroom after a shower and their bedrooms. He reasoned that any woman glimpsing them could be "affected" ("consumed with lust", I assumed he meant). Considering it was a blokes only residence and that the portion of hallway that the offending blokes would cross that could be viewed by a female standing in the right place was about four feet wide, it was always a very unlikely scenario. Even though I personally always took my clothes with me into the bathroom to get dressed, I thought the rule was ridiculous. BTW, the house leader was not affected by this rule; his bedroom had an ensuite bathroom...
• 

  Jayson

  Yuck

  Guys naked are bad naked

  Sounds like the leadergeezer needed to get a blow job

  Glad you are out Steph I hope you are very happy
• 

  greven

  "The Cat and Cheese Rule"

  No cheese shall be eaten in this house as it attracts mice (consumed with lust for cheese). Taking a cat doesn't allow you to circumvene this rule.

  "The Cereal Bowl Rule"

  Cereals are eaten from a bowl, not from the floor.

  "The Sunday Chore Completion Rule"

  Don't leave church before the singing has ended.

  "The Two TV Rule"

  The TV may only be used when at least two persons are present. This will prevent you from watching R-rated stuff.

  "The Big WorkBoots Rule"

  Do not kick the doorknocking JW's with big workboots, sneakers work just fine.

  "The Oleanda Rule"

  no oleanda allowed. period.

  "The Milk Delivery Rule"

  Do not open the door naked asking: "got milk". That is not apreciated by the milkman unless you are female.

  "The Cat and Chook (Chicken) Rule"

  We have a Cat. Taking a pet chicken might not be such a good idea.

  Greven
• 

  Stephanus

  LOL Greven! Your versions are a lot funnier than the real thing, even though you are eerily close to some.

  Here is the "Cat and Cheese Rule":

  An hour or so after dinner one night I went into the kitchen to cut myself a slice of the communal block of cheese. One of the other tennants and a friend of his, one of the girls from the "Girls' House" (next door) were in the kitchen. My black cat, Fang, started begging, so I put on a little performance for the others - I broke off a piece of cheese from my slice and held it just above my waist height. Fang climbed up the leg of my jeans to grab the proffered piece, to the amusement of all assembled. All, that is, but the house leader, who had just come around the corner to witness this. In front of the others, he blasted me over the "wastage" of house food, on the basis that he was going to address us all on this issue at the House Meeting the following night. I asked him how I could be convicted of breaching a rule that didn't even exist yet???

  The aftermath: a few days later, when the house leader was safely away on his holiday in New Zealand, the other bloke who'd been in the kitchen (who wasn't particularly fond of cats) broke off a piece of his slice of cheese and threw it on the floor for Fang...
• 

  Stephanus

  Actually, Greven, your version of the Cat and Cheese rule reminded me of something else. Every now and then, a rat would discover that it could get into our kitchen by climbing up behind the stove. We'd know because we left an enamel cup beside the stove - we used it to collect the pan drippings for later disposal. When a rat showed up, he would "chew the fat", leaving his teeth marks as scrapings across the surface of the congealed fat. Once we knew we had another rodentine nocturnal visitor, the whole house went on "rat alert", and a complex ritual of pest eradication went on until the rat was finally caught. Then things went back to normal untill the next rat showed up...
• 

  greven

  Talking about a strict household! Strange by the way is the reason given: wasting food. You just gave Fang a piece of your share, nobody else's so how would that be wasted?

  I am really interested in those other rules, you've made me curious!

  Greven
• 

  Prisca

  I wanna know about the Oleander rule. I wanna know about all the other rules too, but the Oleander rule has got me curious.

  BTW, why didn't your cat get the rat?
• 

  ozziepost

  I'm worried about your lack of respect for the faithful & discreet slave church, Steph. You didn't sign and you screwed up the form. Naughty boy!

  Ozzie