How do i keep seeing my daughter when she turns 18

agnosticnow

Hi.I have a 13 year old daughter that I still have for a limited time as she comes to stay about one night a month at present.The law here in Australia is on my side in that the Australian governments stand is that the child needs regular access to both parents . I am currently arranging for mediation to have her more often . Her mother can not stand that I am living with another woman and doesn't want her here . In the future I will face an ugly reality. When she reaches the age of 18 she is then no longer a minor and therefore I no longer have the government on my side.As I see it the disfellowshipping law Will then kick in and she will be bound by JW law to shun me altogether. Before that happens I need to explore all avenues to preserve my relationship with her.Any advice would be greatly appreciated

freddo

Sorry to hear your difficulties agnostic now - welcome to the forum. You will get lots of good advice here.

My twopenneth is for you and your partner to not criticise her mother in front of her however twisted she behaves; do all you can to guide and build her relationship with you (not being lax and soft but give her alternative goal ideas that match her true self away from jw land).

Is your daughter baptised? If not then I would try to persuade her to think long and hard before doing so and make it known that you feel she shouldn't be baptised as a minor.

Get well clued up on jw doctrine and how to cast doubt on it by using genuine thoughtful questions with your daughter using only the Bible and jw publications in a calm and reasoning manner.

Daniel1555

Don't give up and fight for your time with her.

Shower her with all the love you have. If you have a relationship that is built on love you don't have to worry.

When she is 18 she'll be an adult and can decide for herself how much time she wants to spend with her mum or dad. This can be positive for you.

You'll always be her dad. Be happy about it. You'll have many wonderful moments with her.

Don't speak negative about her mother, in fact speak positive about her.

Give her freedom to decide about different things, also religion.

Let her know that you love her no matter which religion she follows and that she can change her religion a thousand times or even don't follow one.

When she asks why you don't follow the JW faith, you can tell her. Maybe you can let her know about the Australian Royal Commission cases. Or recommend her to research herself about her faith.

Maybe at the right moment you could also talk to her about your fear, that she might shun you. Show her how shunning is against the UN declaration of human rights and that these ethical values are so important for human life.

But don't force your views on her.

I am in a similar situation. I also had to fight for my time with my son. The judge decided that I can be twice every second weekend for 2.5 days with him. He is nearly 4 years old now.

The poster "Driving Force" has great advice for you, as he also has a teenage daughter.

I wish you all the best.

agnosticnow

I have been getting amazing advice here.I see that a loving and humble approach is not limited to JW philosophy.Thank you for your kind words.

wannaexit

Love her unconditionally!

Anders Andersen

Can the law help you out in preventing your minor child from engaging in a lifelong commitment by means of baptism?

Might help a bit with the possible shunning...

Nathan Natas

You want suggestions about how to FORCE an adult to keep company with you.

I guess you're expecting that she will not choose to be with you of her OWN FREE WILL.

Do a Google search for "kidnapping techniques."

Onager

I don't know if you've heard of this cult called the JW's Nathan Natas? They remove free will from people by coercion techniques that affect all aspects of their lives, even when it comes to family relationships.

Agnosticnow's very valid concern is that this sick method of controlling people will take his child from him. If I was in their position I would also be looking at all avenues of countering the indoctrination with the hope of maintaining my relationship with my child.

smiddy

You say your daughter is 13 , and you are worried about how she will treat you when she is 18 ?

I think you are being paranoid , my bet is , long before she reaches 18 she will see the bullshit of the JW religion.

However , in between time you just need to show her how much you love her , and the fact that you and your missus have split up has nothing to do with her , it is in no way any fault of hers and that both of you love her , and want her to succeed in what she wants to do with her life and encourage her with her goals.

In the meantime

But also try to get her to think for herself , reason , and do personal research , and not just accept what anybody says , including you .

Try to get her to research things that may have a great impact on the rest of her life , and not just accept other peoples viewpoints .

You have a 5 year project ahead of you buddy , and I have faith in you that you will have a happy outcome .

Take care , and I wish you both well.

smiddy

Half banana

I recognize your concern and one night per month isn't very long is it Agnosticnow? But rather than worrying about the future relationship, would it not be best to make sure you have a good welcoming, close and loving relationship now?

Of course you are concerned about losing her to the JW cult, while that is quite understandable, the main concern surely is the long term welfare of your daughter, not your needy relationship with her later on? Believe me I do understand as I have two JW children.

For her to flourish as an adult she needs to be loved, confident, kind, educated and able to think straight. Can she see these things in you?

Without overtly instructing her you might awaken her curiosity, you can leave a trail of ideas over the years, which she might want to find an answer to by herself. One might be the antiquity of humankind. The archaeology shows us to be at least 150,000 years old with the understanding that we were also here a very long time before that. Get her to think about Neanderthals, how on earth does that fit in with (fairy) tales such as Adam and Eve? Leave open questions about the stories in the Bible; are they folk tales or true historical accounts? (The flood is laughable, and scholarship has shown there was no literal Biblical exodus of Jews from Egypt.)

Encourage her personal growth otherwise the JW org will stamp her down... and always encourage her education including discussing school matters with her if you feel comfortable with that.

The main thing though is that she gets your complete love and that she grows up a confident woman knowing that her real mother (at least) loves her unconditionally. From that secure platform she will be better able to make good decisions on religion and family.

How do i keep seeing my daughter when she turns 18

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