Hi
MissMary--and welcome.
I'm sorry you now find yourself in this situation. It's not easy
being single after being married some 25 years. I have lot's of
friends who are going through the same thing you are and they are not
or have ever been JWs.
Yet they seem to have the same difficulty in finding a soulmate,
and their field for looking is a lot larger than someone who can only
look within the Watchtower religion. My perspective on this
phenomena, is that the difficulty of finding someone in latter years,
is due to the fact that as people grow, they are more aware of
what they want, and those wants narrow the field.
Also, “sometimes “ our expectations don't match
reality anymore, and the person doesn't realize it. (Your story of
the LARGE men expect young and skinny----is a good example of this)
I've seen this actually not long ago. An acquaintance of mine 60 plus
years old fell for a 20 some year old gorgeous girl, who was really
nice to him.) I know this girl and it just happens that her
personality is such---- that she is nice to EVERYONE. He
misinterpreted her being nice ---to her being interested in him. I
tried to reason with him but, it was impossible.
Then one day he went over to where she worked to give her some
flowers, and was shocked to the core that she was kissing this 20
year old, tall, muscular, good looking young man with long locks of
blond hair that befits a Man-God.
He was devastated
Here is what happens in real life that we sometime fail to see.
When you are young, say 19, and marry, in youth, (Strong sexual
desire, ignorance of the real world, getting busy raising kids) this
actually helps the couple stay together through thick and thin) and
before you know it, 20-30-40 years pass by and if the couple hangs in
there, they stay together for a lifetime.
But sometimes things get in the way, someone messes up, and the
other is unable to forgive, and then both find themselves single
again at a later age, some in their late 20s other in their late 50s-
it just depends I guess.
My suggestion is that you WIDEN YOUR FIELD. Don’t just look
within the Watchtower Organization. It’s difficult enough when you
have the whole world as your field of prospective mates, I can’t
imagine trying to find a soulmate in a tiny world where the image of
a good wife is characterized as someone who is
(Young-beautiful-skinny-pioneer-in subjection to her husband)
I think instead you should look for someone who wants to be your
“Closest Friend, -----admires your personality, ----loves your
inner qualities----and you should do the same.
In the meantime, you should use use your time to get to know
yourself. Your were probably to busy in your marriage to do that
before. Read books to learn about human nature---positive books- not
books that degrade men—or women.
One more thing, Life is pretty awesome, whether you are married or
single. But I think our culture has made it seem that if you are not
married, you are a loser. I know “Especially” the WT religion is
notorious for doing this inadvertently.
But I know this is not true because I have tons of friends who
have never been married but are very happy. They don’t rule out
marriage, in fact, they date a lot and enjoy dating, and if it
doesn’t work out, they remain Close friends with most of those they
date, --but they just haven’t found that person that’s just
right, ---to spend the rest of their life with. Nothing wrong with
that.
You should date as much as possible before you settle down for the
rest of your life. Get to know people, find out what kind of persons
they turned out to be.
Good luck to you and I hope you fine that soulmate willing to
share his life with you.
