Navigating the "real world"

Minerva

Although I haven't called myself a witness in almost 15 years, I'm still married to one (which has it's own set of challenges and is fodder for a completely different post). I haven't spent a lot of time on forums with other ex-JWs either, but thought I would throw this question out to you all because it's something I still struggle with...

Particularly for those of you who were raised in or were in the religion for many years - What has it been like for you to navigate the work world? I would be a 3rd generation JW on one side of my family and a 4th generation on the other side -- the hardest thing for me has been just knowing how to act and behave, especially among co-workers. I know that's weird, given how long I've been out now, but I was a stay-at-home mom/wife for a long time and decided to go to college in 2006, completed a Bachelors in 2011, and a Master's in 2013. I currently work at a university -- talk about being the antithesis of everything I was taught to be growing up -- but I still seem to have a hard time feeling "normal" in the work world.

Any thoughts?

berrygerry

This religion messes people up:

http://www.exitingthejwcult.com/p/if-you-are-going-to-see-mental-health.html

Read Bonnie's book. ( more than once.)

http://www.amazon.com/EXiting-JW-Cult-Handbook-Witnesses/dp/1508477132

Minerva

Thanks, berrygerry. I have had tons of therapy over the years, but I haven't read that book. I'll check it out.

xjwsrock

I have two thoughts.

One is that being normal may not completely be in the cards since you aren't going to relate to your co-workers foundational experiences in life. Catholic school, holidays, playing sports, after school clubs, church youth groups, girlfriends, boyfriends, trying pot, going to prom, etc.

My second thought is that a person that grew up in another country would prob not have those experiences either but may still feel normal.

I guess I would need you to define what normal is or what abnormal is in your situation.

smiddy

Hi Minerva ,welcome to this site ,glad to have you on board. I wonder if you fall into the catergory of one who has left the "truth" however the "truth" has never left you .

I`m thinking this may be the case because of hubby still being an active JW and your still being subjected to watchtower dogma through him. And of course influences from other "in" JW relatives.?

Have you really proved to yourself that the JW religion is no more "true" than any other man made religion ?

If not I would suggest looking up JWfacts and reading Don Camerons "Captives Of A Concept" by a former Elder available from LULU

Congratulations on obtaining your Bachelors and Masters and working at a University.Well done

I think you just need to shake off all that is JWism and embrace the real world we all live in.

Take care .

Minerva

I guess I would need you to define what normal is or what abnormal is in your situation.

Hmmm...how to explain...for instance - a group in the office wants to go out for drinks. I'm cool with that, but I still am not much of a drinker, so I'm not much of a social drinker either. And, maybe part of it is I am an introvert and the whole social thing is challenging anyways -- the small talk and the hanging out -- that the part of things that is challenging for me. Same thing with the Holidays. My husband's a JW, so I don't really observe anything; and frankly, it isn't all that important to me to observe Christmas, or Easter, or whatever. But, I know it's important for my co-workers, so I go along with the Holiday party thing, contribute food, bring a gift, etc. But, I always feel like I'm just trying to fit in because, ultimately, I can take it or leave it. Sometimes I feel as inauthentic with my co-workers as I did with my former JW friends.

Minerva

smiddy,

I wonder if you fall into the catergory of one who has left the "truth" however the "truth" has never left you .
I`m thinking this may be the case because of hubby still being an active JW and your still being subjected to watchtower dogma through him. And of course influences from other "in" JW relatives.?
Have you really proved to yourself that the JW religion is no more "true" than any other man made religion ?

No, I think I've done enough soul searching to know that the JW religion is "no more 'true' than any other man made religion". My own religious/spiritual leanings tend toward a mix of secular humanism and pantheistic thought.

My husband doesn't actually talk to me about the religion much. It's part of our mutual decision to remain in our marriage -- I don't criticize the organization (well not much anyway) and he doesn't preach at me, or bug me about attending meetings or anything else. When I made the decision to go to college, he wasn't exactly on board, but he came around after a while and he doesn't try to control me or my "worldly" friends or anything like that. My mom can be a bit preachy at times but she's not condemning either.

I wonder, maybe, if I just didn't gain the skill set to interact with people outside of my primary group. Growing up, my association was primarily my extended family and the congregation. I was in my late 20s to early 30s when I stepped away physically and vocally from the religion. I just feel like I'm still trying to acquire a skillset that most people already "get," and I'm not sure it's entirely the fault of growing up as a JW, but that experience sure hasn't helped.

xjwsrock

Could be that you feel in constant limbo because of your spouse still in the religion. It might be how you're wired up though. I haven't read it, but there is a new study out about smart people needing to be alone more. You can google it up pretty easy.

new boy

Well, I like you have been out for 15 years too. I was raised in the "tooth" also, 50 years worth.

The problem that I see is even though you/we are "out" and we think of ourselves as "free" we are still subject to years and years of mental contamination. Yes, in many ways we are still plagued with the "wiring" of that thought system. Since you are still married to a believer, that contamination is with you on a daily basis. So how could their behavior not effect you? In essence you are not in their world but not really in "the world".......the world of endless possibilities.

You have chosen to swim with a fifty pound weight around your feet of course it's going to feel strange. I'm not telling you to get rid of the weight. I'm saying just get use to it feeling strange.

Vidiot

Minerva - "...I think I've done enough soul searching to know that the JW religion is 'no more 'true' than any other man-made religion."

You'll eventually get to a point where you'll realize that it's even less "true" than most.

Navigating the "real world"

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