I am losing (page 2)

the girl next door

Lisa is on the right track. Hassan will help you understand how to tap into the natural personality of your beloved wife and avoid the cult personality conflicts. It is more powerful than debating doctrinal or WT policy issues. Gain the natural person of your wife and the rest very well may follow. Lots of love and extra kindness.

NoMoreHustle

thank you all for your replies & comments

we have a wonderful marriage based on LOVE!! but there is an elephant in the room that just will not leave and that is the watchtower, she has been pretty weak in the faith for a number of years (she thinks that is my fault, cause I never really took the lead spiritually) bunch of B*&^ S!@#.

now she is starting to get a re-kindling and I feel like crap because I don't want to participate, but.... I just can't do it

JWdaughter

Do you have to play the game or can you agree to disagree? As spiritual head, you could say you refuse to lead her astray and yet you won't force her out because of your respect and love for her.

Then leave off snarky commentary and pick up a new hobby or language when she's off serving the Borg.

Please don't raise kids in the Borg no matter what! Parents have to put kids first.

done4good

It is not an all or nothing dichotomy. The key is, does she accept you for being you?

A little more to the point:

If she expects you to pretend, then she really isn't accepting you for being you.

If she thinks that by keeping you involved that something might spark your interest again, she is not accepting you for being you.

Those two points you should resolve to be firm about, and make them talk points of serious discussion. You won't be happy in the end pretending.

You also need to be accepting of her decision to remain a JW as well, if that is what she wants.

If in the end, if both of you can accept whom each other are, you will be fine. This applies to all things in a relationship, not just a person's religious affiliation.

Children can complicate this enormously.

d4g

Wild_Thing

I think she is conditioned to defend her faith whenever she feels threatened. They teach their members to not only expect criticism, but to wear it as a badge of honor of proof that they are the chosen ones. I would do what others have suggested and accept her for what she believes right now, and be ready to catch her when it all crumbles.

nonjwspouse

Keep your integrity, do NO "become a robot" to "keep" your wife.

You love her, do everything you can outside anything watchtower JW related, to make her happy. Show her love. Plan outings, give little thoughtful gifts, make her a dinner, court her. just do NOT use ANYTING related to the WT.

Make this very clear that you are examining your belief as the Borean's did then leave it at that. Do NOT return.

This way of life can last many, many years.It may not even work eventually. no one really knows. It isn't for everyone. If you truly love her and don't want to split the family, then it is about the ONLY way to do this and keep your own sanity.

MarkofCane

Ya same boat. My wife is like the musicians that went down with the Titanic, playing there instruments as the ship went down. She is there because she is loyal! I've asked her to explain stuff to me and all she does is parrot what she is taught to parrot. I have stopped trying to wake her up, I just live a normal life and show her by example, that i'm not possessed by some demon or left the troof for some selfish reason. 'I left because it's lies and nonsense'.

I am still me, the real me, no layers, no more pretentiousness..... Just me unmasked. It takes time to adjust to change and I'm giving her, her space to see and adjust as her conscience allows her. It's small increments but if you knew us 4 yrs ago you would diffidently see a difference, sometime I get frustrated because it's not fast enough and I lose sight that...... we no longer the same people. Remember it took a long time to indoctrinate us and it takes time to undo the psychological damage.

Magnum

You say she's not going to change, but I think there is hope. Who knows what the next few years will bring? We don't know what's going on behind the scenes in the org. Think of the way JWdom has changed in the past few years. I believe that a lot more will wake up and that JWdom will go into decline. She might finally wake up. A few years ago, nobody would have ever dreamed that I would leave JWdom.

flipper

NO MORE HUSTLE- Never say never. As long as there's life- there's hope that with time your JW wife may see the injustices of the WT Society. You just never know. There are many people on this board who have admitted they were SUCH fanatic JW's and now they are caring, loving, empathetic ex-JW's who help others here to move on with life after exiting the Witnesses. Just stay kind to her, avoid controversial JW topics so she doesn't keep putting up a wall to you- and keep showing her that you care- but don't compromise your principles just to please her in a pretend way . She will see through it and you won't like yourself for doing it. We are with you bud. Keep on keeping on and we support you. And I agree with Lisa Rose , please READ Steve Hassan's books. It is a must read for ex-JW's to see HOW the WT Society controls Witnesses psychologically. It will help you understand your wife more and you'll be able to help her more successfully. Peace out man, Mr. Flipper

DesirousOfChange

Make this very clear that you are examining your belief as the Borean's did then leave it at that. Do NOT return.

This sums up what I was really doing when I came to realize that the WT was a farce -- that there was no hocus-pocus Holy Spirit guidance. They were blindly stumbling through a mine field. Sometimes lucky. Sometimes not so when it came to their doctrinal "lite".

I shared my dilemma with my born-in wife. I was sincere. She was in the Troof more than just a follow-along little eldubs wife. She often pioneered, she conducted Studies. She was (and is) an intelligent, reasoning person. She arrived at the same conclusions as I had. The final one being: it ain't "The Truth".

Doc

I am losing

Share this