how do you define...

SpiceItUp

friends and frienship?

I am currently having a situation where "friends" of mine and I are at odds over a situation that is not relevant to post about and I don't really feel it neccessary to go into detail about. They made a statement that it is not their intention for it to come between friends. However thier note was made with major undertones of condescendation. After a serious discussion with someone that I am very close to that knows the details I came to a few conclusions or rather questions.

Doesn the fact that we work together make us friends?

If we never have done anything outside the workplace but chatted friendly....does that account to a friendship?

I have helped them out on a few things but at this point I am wondering if they really consider me to be a friend. Over the situation I was talked down to and like a child that they felt they had to "punish" in a way.

Im very upset over the entire deal but now wonder if there was really anything there to begin with. Maybe I'm just a friendly person that they enjoy talking to but don't consider to be of high enough standards to be seen with out side of work or their home (and not even at their home for more than "business" concerns). I even know of a christmas party they had to which I was not invited even thought I have known them both for over 2 years and have been on good terms with and thought we were more than just colleagues.

IMHO I always thought that friends were people of like mind that you told things you wouldn't tell just anyone and also people that you liked to hang with outside the confines of normal business/work related boundaries.

Am I way off here....or maybe they really only considered me to be a friendly aquantance?

When does a relationship turn to friendship? Are there certain criteria that friends should meet?

DJ

I don't know. I have no real live friends except my husband......Aquaintances are a dime a dozen. True friends are a rare find, imo. Heck, my family aren't even my friends. Us watchtower babes are clueless as to what having a lot of good, true friends means. I think that some people are good to be around for certain things and others are good to share other things with. It sounds a bit like categorizing, doesn't it? I guess it is in a way. Nothing harmful. I just think that I have a few girl aquaintances that are good to gather with to discuss our children and vent about endless housework, etc. Others are friends whom I have a spiritual connection with but not any other earthy things in common with. Yet others are fun to engage in hobbies with and still others are just interesting to talk to. You know what I mean? Not all people will fill all slots in our lives. My husband is the only one who is my truest friend, because we share in everything and anything.

JH

Vivamus

Friendship means to be able to tell things honestly, and to allow differences.

Francois

The fact that you work together does not make you friends.

Chatting outside the workplace is irrelevant as to friendship.

When I became the manager of technical writing at Hitachi, I brought on as many of my technical writer friends as I could. Since I had 15 writers in the budget, quite a few of my friends worked for me.

Never again.

My "friends" took every advantage of the situation they could. One made a career out of playing solitare. Another enjoyed stabbing me in the back in conversation with another "friend" and so on and so on. I will never give a friend a job on my staff ever again. I never expected to be treated like that by friends. I had given them jobs at a time when it wasn't that easy to find that kinda work. I paid them top rates. I treated them like professionals. I expected professional behavior in return.

I am 58 years old. I can count all the real friends I have on the fingers of one hand. And for that I feel as rich as Rockefeller. You need real friends. Never assume any person is your friend. If there's any doubt whatsoever - their not. When they really are your friend, you'll know.

francois

JamesThomas

Friendship? Recently something happened with a very close friend, the closest friend, a cousin the same age. We at times referred to each other as our "other half". Then one day, a few months ago, I broke an engagement we had planned together because of a situation outside my control. She wrote me an email that said I was no longer part of her life and not to contact her anymore. It blew me away. It was totally unexpected. I never would have thought. I have heard only a few short words from her since. At first there was anger, hurt and confusion, but on closer and deeper observation, I could see that the same love and friendship I felt towards her was still there...unaffected. It was like a little warm ball inside. The more I looked the more I realized how precious it was. So, "friendship", to me, is something we carry with us. It is ours to share with others. It's all about what lives in us. What others do or don't do, what others say or don't say, has little, if anything, to do with it. These are my feelings. JamesT

MrMoe

Of it is who I think it is... didn't one of them color your hair? I mean, isn't that a bit "friendly"?

Tight pals, maybe not, but "loose friends," yes I think so. At least, if it is the people I think that you mean... And talk down to you in which manner? I am not sure I follow you...

no one

post removed

JH

I rather have 50% of a frienship with love, than a 100% forced friendship.

SpiceItUp

Good comments everyone

Moe--the reason you dont follow is because you are trying to figure out who I am talking about and thats not the point of the post, not to mention you don't have any details to make even an informed assumption.

BTW---being "friendly" does not equate to "friendship". I am friendly with anyone I have contact with. I am friendly with the phone calls I take, with the fast food window etc but of coarse I would never consider them friends.

francois--you make some iteresting points. I guess the only thing we really were was "friendly aquantances" and hopefully things will work out to where that can stay the same.

real and true friends are not easy to come by but I am lucky to count a few (all on one hand)

For me it is always about quality over quantity anyday.

how do you define...

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