I'm still on my JWN holidays but had to pop back to share this experience.

by nicolaou 33 Replies latest jw experiences

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  steve2

  You sound like a decent, caring human being, Nic. Long may you be so! In looking after Dave, don't neglect yourself.

  You would not be the first person to assume that, if you are decent and caring towards someone they will reciprocate. He may of course continue to do so. But you've already noted he did not ask any questions about yourself. What's with that lack of expressed interest?

  The lack of asking you anything about yourself is difficult to interpret. He's new to the job now, so he's a little on the awkward and nervous side and in need of a warm welcome.

  Give him a few months and his need for your reassurance and guidance will likely reduce and he might then feel freer to distance himself from you. I am not suggesting you treat him any differently from the wonderful thoughtful way you have treated him thus far. Just look after yourself, okay?

  As I said, you will not be the first person who has been decent and at some point, treated with disdain.
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  JWdaughter

  Hi Nic. I'm glad you are a good guy. The more JWs are exposed to EX's that are decent, kind, normal people, the less they will be inclined to demonize you and the more they will question the WT/JW teachings that are doing so. Every time now, you will be the face of the former JW. Good for you. You can start his cognitive dissonance if he hasn't started already-I mean, he has a SATURDAY job, for crying out loud. He might be glad his cards are taking a while to transfer. Who knows?

  
  

  Steve: He may not have asked any questions because the more he knows or digs, the more likely it is that he will have to treat Nic like crap, and most JWs would rather NOT treat people like crap.  "I'll ask you no questions so you will won't need to tell me any truths that I can't deal with". The other side of the coin is that the new guy knows all KINDS of good reasons why Nic left. He isn't stupid! But if he engages, even for the purposes of "encouragement", then he could be exposed to MORE dirt, and the JW mind just can't deal with the imperfections of the organization because it is "the TRUTH" and the first time you see a GB leader walking around the truth, you can't unsee it. EVER. None of us can unsee what we know, and we all know that the more we learned, the more it was difficult to act as if we still bought it hook, line and sinker.   Like the woman who knows in her gut that her husband is cheating, but as long as she doesn't confront him, she can keep the illusions intact before the kids/world/etc. The new postman is clearly embroiled in the org. His life is totally woven into his WT persona. He feels his options are limited. He isn't that old, but he likely feels ancient with that background, poor kid!
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  KateWild

  Hey Nic,

  That's a lovely experience. I would do exactly the same Myself. Being kind to people who are stuck in a cult is the right thing to do.

  Take care and keep us updated.

  Kate xx
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  krejames

  Love your approach Nic. I hope I would have dealt with it the same way.
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  nicolaou

  Update:

  Brother 'Dave' turned up for his second day at work on Saturday but really struggled, I heard today that he has quit. He told a manager that he'd increase his hours working for Waitrose on weekdays. I'm genuinely disappointed that we won't get to know each other and I'm saddened for him. A grown man so incapacitated by a cult upringing that he couldn't handle a little blokish reality in the workplace.

  Stacking shelves and being polite to shoppers will suit him much better, Waitrose is an upmarket, UK grocery store where manners and clean language are the norm. Sad isn't it? I will never place a man like Dave in the same category as the Watchtower victims we all want to support - the victims of abuse, of absurd blood policies and all those who've had their relationships and families torn apart because of disfellowshipping and shunning but he is a victim all the same.

  Elder Dave is not my enemy, he needs freeing too.
  
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  freddo

  Perhaps ex-Bethelite "Dave" needs to get his ministry hours in on a Saturday morning ...

  6 years at Bethel being "somebody" and now he's like the rest of us - having to work for his food and keep. His head must be spinning when he watches the GB and other Bethel heavies on TV in their luxury studio.
• 

  Doubtfully Yours

  There are a lot of very nice people inside.

  The key to a good work friendship is to keep religion and politics out.

  Good luck!

  DY
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  KateWild

  Thanks for the update Nic. Shame you couldn't have got to know him better.

  Kate xx
• 

  Vidiot

  simon - "...Also, I was not aware we allowed vacation time! LOL"

  I've certainly accrued enough...
• 

  redvip2000

  @OP,

  Pardon the cynicism, but dare I say that this seems to be a "one way" love affair?

  Seem you were quite taken by this person, giving some thought to him and a possible future friendship. Yet, he quits and simply walks out without saying goodbye as if you didn't exist.

  Quite possibly you might be giving him more credit that what he deserves. Who knows if the idea of working close to a possible apostate weighed in his decision to leave?