I've been depressed lately. (page 2)

Sabin

I was just having a con flab with my husband about what you had written & my reply. He said "people in this religion are being drip fed poison everyday, they feel like shit & they have no idea why." We all need to detox. You always feel worse before you feel better, you know in your heart though that it is the healthy thing to do. In the words of Spock, "It is logical, Live long & prosper".

dubstepped

I always had that lonely feeling when I was IN the organization. I was never in the "cool club" and while the big families got together in the congregation and had lots of fun, my wife and I sat alone week in and week out with no friends. For us getting out of the organization has opened up a whole new world of friends and we're making new family, so to speak. I definitely had depression in the Borg and suicidal thoughts. All of that went away when I got out. It is funny how we all have such similar but different experiences.

It sounds like you need some friends. Our getting out just happened to coincide with what we deemed as our "year of adventure". We pushed ourselves to get out and go to sporting events, new restaurants, concerts, new places to hike, just all kinds of exploration. It really helped us feel alive again after so many years of feeling dead in the Borg. That was step 1.

Step 2 was reaching out and being vulnerable and trying to make new friends. We happened to have lots of great clients in our cleaning business that we saw regularly and talked with when we came to clean. We reached out to them as friends on Facebook and followed their lives and let them see ours. We were open and honest about our path out of the religion and how hard it was, including the shunning. People rallied around us, and we invited them to do things with us and they did the same.

Do you maybe have people that you work with or know in some capacity that you could reach out to? I know that it is hard to do so, but it might be worth it. It was scary to reach out to "worldly people", as much as we had been told to avoid them and as dangerous as they were made out to be, but we did it and haven't regretted it. It's been a huge turnaround for us. This year instead of being our "year of adventure" is our "year of relationships", trying to build upon the foundations we laid and really get to know people better. It isn't going to be easy, but just going to meet others at a restaurant for a meal is a great start and lots of fun.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so depressed. I know what it's like, and maybe I shouldn't be here telling you that things get better because when you're depressed it's hard to hear, maybe even harder to believe. I just really want you to know that better times can be ahead if you are willing to put yourself out there. At a point you have to because life is just so awful without anyone in it. I think it's awesome that you two have each other though. For a long time it was just my wife and I and we're extremely close. If you need some ideas on how to reach out and maybe find some friends I'm happy to help. This coming from a guy that had no friends for a long time, so if my wife and I can start making friends, it's possible for anyone.

DesirousOfChange

For most of us right now in the US, the weather sucks, the days are short (No sunlight until 7:00am and dark by 5:00pm), and I think the holidays affect our thinking (Hey! Holiday season is a problem for many who celebrate!). Add to it the burden there is when you come to learn TTATT. Everything changes. Esp friendships. Or what you THOUGHT were friendships.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is a real thing. (Google it.) The "Winter Blues". One recommendation is "light therapy", so go enjoy some time in a tanning bed, or better yet, a week in Cancun.

Re-creating a network of friends has been the most difficult thing for us. The rest of the family members who are also "out" live out-of-state. Our "friends" at the Cong haven't called or dropped by in 5 years. At least they are not stalking us to see if we have Christmas lights, etc. So far, our "core" of people on the new friends list are other "exJWs" even though there is risk to associating with DFd friends. Some day after our parents die, maybe we'll move on to being Ex-ExJWs.

Happy New Year!

Doc

kaik

I do suffer from winter depression, lack of outdoor, sunshine, and not being able to enjoy my winter holidays. I am looking for spring which is 8 weeks away, so I just have to put it through.

Pete Zahut

It sounds like you had a "perfect storm" of events....a stretch of unstructured free time off, during a blah time of year and spent with people you'd rather not be with. The Holidays are sometimes like that even for people whose families are speaking to them.

Sometimes it's good to get back to our normal routines no matter how hum-drum they can seem. In the meantime, I think it's good to make a point of having specific plans made during the holidays or when you have long stretches of free time and to fill in the void. During the winter (especially) it's good to have something nice to look forward to. Sometimes just getting away to a nearby city or town and spending the night there, eating out or doing something new, is enough to do the trick. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money either....just something to break the routine and fill the down time and move you in the direction of getting out yourself out there meeting new people or having new experiences.

jhine

Sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed . Lots of sensible stuff has already been said . Taking up a sport , joining a club etc .

With regards to Christmas ( which is I assume what you mean by the holidays ) perhaps you should start your own " traditions " As you said your husband cannot go back to how it was and you have no memory of Christmas celebrations , so next year make Christmas your own . Perhaps invite people to your home or meet somewhere neutral .Break the mould and start again , which won' t be hard for you ! .

Jan

Sabin

Jhine, that is a little touch of brilliance, shuffle things up & make new memories to replace the bad stuff.

BYCNL, you should definitely go with this advice, then you can already start to look forward to next year's holidays.

smiddy

Time is something that endures all things , what you are feeling today is not what you will be feeling a month from today or even a year from today.

Time heals all things eventually .

Believe me , sooner or later the feeling of being miserable will pass , you just have to give it time .

Keep venting on this site , that`s what we are here for , to help and encourage one another , through difficult times in our lives.

Whatever you do , don`t not give up

smiddy

jhine

Thanks Sabin , obviously I thought it was a good idea , nice to have someone agree !

Seriously BYCNL , I hope that some of the ideas here are helpful and as Smiddy says keep venting .

Jan

Butyoucanneverleave

Just got back from having a massage. That has done wonders for my mood. Just wanted to thank everyone for your suggestions and encouragement. It means a lot.

I've been depressed lately.

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