Why care about friends left behind?

ashitaka

A couple of days ago there was a fuenral at the hall for a gentleman who was the grandfather of my former best JW friend. This was a kind old man, who I had enjoyed talking to; a real sweet guy.

Yet, when it came time for the funeral talk, I couldn't bring myself to go. Everyone (including this old gentleman) had abandoned me (besides my family) when I had left the JWs (not DF'd). Why the hell should I care about people who couldn't pick up the phone and call when I was having bad times? When my grandparents died? When my wife was sick? I would've been happy to have been invited out for a cup of coffee, just to talk.

I hate to think that I'm becoming ruthless or callous now that I'm out of the JWs, but I still see it happening. I'm so tired of my past, I just don't even want to touch it anymore.

Still, I've thought about that old man, and about showing some respect by going to the funeral, no matter how much I hate the JWs. Was I right or wrong? I have no idea.

Has anyone else had the dilemma of wanting to care about people we've had to leave behind, but eventually deciding not to?

ash

xjw_b12

Hello Ash. I hear you.

Wife and I used to go to funerals after we left. After my uncle's funeral, we were invited down to the basement of the KH for refreshments, by an elder no less. It seemed too many there were happy to see us, and shortly thereafter we were summoned to a JC meeting which we did not attend, and we were summmarily jw executed.

We have only gone to one jw funeral since, an elder who had " a hunting accident " ( self inflicted gunshot wound ).

We just couldn't find it in our hearts to go to any more. Mostly the hyprocritical response of people who pretend to be happy to see you, but won't acknowledge you exist under any other circumstances.

It saddens me to feel that way, but I have feelings too.

xjw_b12 " Millions Now Living Will Never ~~Die~~ Know "

Shakita

Still, I've thought about that old man, and about showing some respect by going to the funeral, no matter how much I hate the JWs. Was I right or wrong? I have no idea.

I didn't go because I feel that when you go to the memorial talk you are there to support the family of the deceased. This family did not give support to me when my close family members died and, on the contrary, they unofficially shunned us for years.....why go? Everyone has to do what they feel is right in their own heart, I did not feel the need to go. I am sure I was not missed. I did not know that you were thinking about going, you should have said something....you could have gone with you-know-who. But, don't dwell on it Ash, they aren't giving you a second thought, you know.

Mrs. Shakita

LyinEyes

When we left there were some that I did not care if I ever spoke to again, or them to speak to me ever again.

Then there were some that I missed, even if they shunned me, I know they were doing what they have been taught to do, just as I had been taught to do.

Just because people treat us like dirt , leave us in our time of need , we can still have fellow feeling for them, or love even.......we might not act on that love out of self protection, if that makes any sense.

I know when I see some of the JW's in town, most of them smile, even when I speak to them, and I get no response back, I feel they wish they could say hi. Some do, some look the other way with a look of being uncomfortable. But at least I feel good about myself. I try not to jump to the conclusion they hate me now, because I just remember how it was when I was a JW, you really feel you have to do what the WT says, and that is the sad part,,,,,, when you can see how sad they really are, how trapped they are, and how they don't even know how miserable they really are, you feel more pity for them , than anger.

If we just stopped feeling for them the way we used to based on the fact that we are not longer JW's , then we are no better than some of them IMO. Like I said , each person is different and each case is different. I usually can tell the ones that are judging me without the facts, although I am sure they think they have all the facts when I know there are alot of rumors about us. But then , some actually do miss us and you can see it on their face they still care.

If someone in the congregation died that I was close to ,I would attend the funeral. I feel I am strong enough to do that now,,,,,,,and now I feel that I would be doing it because even if someone doesnt tell me anymore they still care, I would go out of MY love and respect for them. I always think that in their heart they still cared. Who knows when we get on the other side, then they can tell us what they really felt for us in their heart.

ChakkaConned

I think that you did the right thing and spared yourself some unnecessary pain by not attending. You can always send a sympathy card to your former best friend, expressing your respect and appreciation for the life of his grandfather. That would be a kind gesture and one you can feel good about without all of the undue stress you would have felt had you gone to the funeral.

All the best

CC

Fire Dragon

I agree with LyinEyes that I think I would go out of MY love and respect for that person. Up until last month I still sent 'Happy Anniversary' cards to some I was close to. My parents anniversary is this month.....I haven't decided if I'll send a card or not.

FD

Dansk

Hi Ash,

My wife and I have discussed JW funerals and have come to the same conclusion.

While one may have loved the person who has died HE/SHE won't even know you're there, obviously, because they're dead. Persons who WILL know you're there, however, are the same old thought police (elders!). The talk would be 90% JW garbage and about 10% about what a wonderful person it is being laid to rest. Even relatives of the deceased are likely to look down their noses at you.

Ash, we have to face facts - cold that they are. We have nothing in common with JWs now and, callous as it may seem (it isn't being callous, by the way), that includes baptisms, memorials, conventions, assemblies, meetings and funerals. This is one thing I do agree with Jesus on: "Let the dead bury their dead." JWs are dead from the neck up!

Ash, it's right to feel sad and to grieve about someone you loved or thought highly of. But those feelings can be expressed far better and without any hypocrisy by staying at home.

Sincerely,

Dansk

ashitaka

Thanks for the responses, guys. I'll be back later to give a response in detail.

We have some virus happenings @ work today.

ash

MegaDude

This was a kind old man, who I had enjoyed talking to; a real sweet guy.

Was he really a sweet old guy if he shunned you and never called you? Not my definition of sweet.

If you had gone to the funeral, would his family have appreciated it or been upset than an "apostate' showed up?

How would have felt after being shunned at the funeral of a former friend who treated you as if you were already dead?

I personally want nothing to do with any worship, rituals or ceremony that involve Jehovah's Witnesses and the kingdom hall. The only interaction I want to have with JWs is in lending a helping hand to help them escape the hurtful mind control atmosphere of the Watchtower.

be wise

I'm going to a funeral this week, it's an elderly woman who I didn't know very well but she was very kind to us when I was very young.

I've thought about going to the KH service, I even posted here asking for advice.

Now I've thought about it I don't need closure at a KH service to pay my respects to her.

I will try very hard to attend the burial service in the cemetary. It is far away and I don't have transport but I will definately pay my respects to her memory not a religious cult.

Why care about friends left behind?

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