What can a therapist really do? (page 2)

dubstepped

I actually work with people as a life coach and help ex-JWs and others work on various things in their lives. I like to focus on the stories we lived and processing those, the stories we tell ourselves from those past experiences that inform our present circumstances, and then once we see where we are and how we got there it's a matter of figuring out the story we want to live. One thing I like to do is to create awareness. There are a lot of patterns we play out from our cult upbringing along with our family that we end up repeating. If those can be identified and we can start to recognize them and not give them our energy, we have energy to put into more productive and forward thinking steps. I'm actually working with the International Cultic Studies Association on a program to help therapists be more effective in working with survivors of cults.

I provide my services online through video chats. If a person is looking for a therapist near them that isn't trained or doesn't have the experience to work with people from cults, sometimes a therapist that specializes in domestic violence can be of help. Many of the same patterns of control and dominance exerted in a domestic violence situation are seen in cults.

One thing to remember with therapy or coaching is that you are hiring this person to help you. It isn't always a good fit from the start and if you don't feel comfortable telling the person just about anything, including that it's not working out, then maybe it's not the right fit. I want the people I'm working with to be empowered and tell me whatever they need to. My goal isn't to make them dependent on me anyway, but to help them move on. I often wonder why people have the same therapist for a decade or more. It makes me think that not much progress is being made. Sometimes it is needed, I'm sure, for complex diagnoses and people that may never be able to do more than manage a severe illness, but at other times it just doesn't seem like an effective modality or relationship.

RayoFlight2014

Hi Thetruthhurts,

Letting go of emotions is not the way to properly grieve.

You must give yourself permission to grieve at your own pace.

It takes time to go through the stages of the grieving process to be able to heal.

Your feelings are real, they matter and are valid.

This is temporary and you will get through it. Research, talk through it when you want to with us and find a therapist that works for you.

Talk to your GP.

You will find balance.

RayoFlight2014.

Diogenesister

I know it’s hard if many of your issues are circumstantial, especially if we’re talking age or health related. Many times we feel that no amount of talking is going to change an unchangeable situation. I think that’s where mindfulness and creativity come in. If you can’t physically take yourself out of your situation, you need to allow your mind to do the travelling. You need to find your mojo....that something that takes you out of your daily grind. Learn something. Bake something , sing something....or help someone. Get involved. Just break your chain of thinking.

I think that most therapists will be able to diagnose what your primary issue is. Grief? For your faith...for loved ones who passed when we were witnesses( we weren’t allowed to grieve), anxiety? Are you having difficulties with relationships...? Black and white thinking? Trust issues? Sometimes it feels like such a huge mess that needs untangling. Yoga and mindfulness would be my recommendation as a start you can initiate yourself. I think you just need to take a deep breath and start your journey!!!! Don’t hold back...fear is our first hurdle!

Nathan Natas

My reasons for seeking help didn't have as much to do with my Dub experience as it did with some serious physical challenges I had to deal with, but my Dubbish background played a part, as it turns out.

I had a few memorable less-than-optimum experiences: on one visit with a psychiatrist, I was yammering away about my feelings when I heard him snoring. Note to self: make an effort to apply the Theocratic Ministry School lessons about adding dynamism to my presentations! No, I didn't go back to that shrink,,, Another time I was on my first visit with a psychologist and gave her my story. Her reaction was, "That was hard, but think about what a STRONG PERSON you became as a result!" Yeah, me an Samson, with that psychologist as the Ass's jawbone.

I want to correct a typo I made in my earlier post. I meant MEDICATIONS but typed MEDIATIONS instead. Two things to remember about meds: a) most have side-effects that are seldom welcome, and it is unlikely that any med is going to make you happy about the problems you've been through; at best they might help you be less bothered by those problems, but no drug can change the past.

Like Thetruthhurts, I am an atheist.

lriddle80

I saw a therapist when I was in the middle of some very hard life circumstances.

Basically, the therapist was very kind to me. She validated my feelings and told me I had healthy mindsets. That my feelings were normal given the situation.

It was good to talk about things without feeling like this person would gossip to their friends about me. And it was nice to be able to talk and not be pressured to be a friend to this person.

Also, for me, as a people pleaser, it made me want to get over my negative feelings to make her proud, in a way.

It helped, though I don't really feel the need to go back at this time.

But I always know that I can. So that's cool!

Bud Stars

Bonnie Zieman's book Shunned is full of helpful strategies for coping with our situation. https://www.amazon.com/Shunned-Survival-Guide-Bonnie-Zieman/dp/1983942375

Recovery is not quick! It takes years to really get comfortable with your new life. Just keeps getting better and better.

iwantoutnow

From my experience, unless you are dealing with PTSD, or Repressed issues, it was just tossing money out the window, and less effective than just talking to a Friend I Could Trust.

Anna Marina

You never really forget what has happened to you. No therapist really understands unless they've been through it. Find a true friend who understands. It'll be cheaper.

Also the therapist is part of a professional body (aka organisation)... buyer beware.

Thetruthhurts

I just wanted to thank all of you for your heartfelt, well thought out posts. I've been re-reading them and I've taken so much from just this conversation. This was actually a help to me in and of itself to know that others understand this situation and are better at putting it into words that make sense than I am.

cha ching

Dear thetruthhurts,

Yes... the 'truth' hurts... I don't know if you still go to meetings, occasionally? or if your wife tries to 'update' you on the great things the Borg is doing, or how Jehovah has seen the problem of 'child sex abuse' and is 'blessing' the congregations/ publishers/ WT with 'new light'?

Being out since 2012, after the 'overlapping generation... 607 is the wrong date thing, it would make me cringe to have to live with hearing the zombie like phrases WT trains people to have in their heads.... Especially if my spouse & kids were still in. Fortunately, for me, my husband, two kids, daughter in law, and my sister left at the same time... we talked, we reasoned...

During these seven years, I have asked many people (all people I meet, actually) "What woke you up?" I also am keenly interested in how families have helped loved ones in their 'awakening'....

Many have expressed that, over time, key phrases, questions, news articles were recalled, and the puzzle just started going together. Nowadays, the majority of newly awoken people I spoke to didn't wake up due to 'doctrinal' issues... but just felt 'something wasn't right'.

They either didn't like the 'dumbed down' messages, videos, meeting parts where the WT was read, the answers given were simply quotes of what was read, and eyebrows raised if it was anything OTHER than exact.... it gave them the feeling of 'what's going on?'

Also, watching Australian Royal Commission got so many people jumbled up and awoken... listening to a GB member Geoffrey Jackson say in WT style that, basically 'it would be presumptuous of us to say that we have the only true religion.' I actually don't know how he invented those answers so quickly. An extremely skilled con-artist.

WARNING: Do not try to dump all of this info on your spouse at one time. I hear that 'talking to yourself'... "Hmmm, did he really go to Australia and testify?" or "I've never seen a GB in a court room" or "Oh my god, they didn't report it? there were 1,000 pedophiles noted so far?" maybe news articles about other relilgions doing wrong, and asking 'how can they do that?' or things like that.... very casually, and not to pressure them.

Maybe watching an episode of Leah Remini/ Scientology, I think it was season 2 episode 2 or 3 where they interviewed reporters, investigators, professors, lawyers and they spoke of their experiences. It eerily mirrors JWs. (more extreme)
Even the experiences of sexual abuse.... same as JWs...

Then, there is the 'spend more fun time' with your spouse. Brainwashing depends on people being constantly bombarded with information, over and over... Hence the joke, "Jehovah's people are brainwashed, that's why we have the cleanest brains of anyone on earth, hahahaha"...., Remember that?

Well, if you plan vacations, events, hobbies that take them away from meetings, service, etc (not all at once, you have to build a desire, everyone WANTS to have fun, but are made to feel 'guilty' about it, right?) That hamster wheel of activity is there for a purpose,,.. to keep your brain engaged, WT needs that, desperately.

How old are your kids? All kids love to have fun, let them, help them. Inch by inch (just like WT did to us) get their brainwaves on another track. (Each parent has the 'right' -as WT likes to point out- to spend time with their kids in the way they want... )

I also feel that talking to friends, other ex-jw's has it's advantages. A therapist is good for seeing the big pic, dealing with frustrations, and if you can't sleep? drugs to help.

When you first leave, it is quite a mix.... So sorry that you still have your family in. keep writing, keep living, singing, dancing, exercising, traveling,hobbying.

I hope this helps,

cha ching

What can a therapist really do?

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