Thank you, Simon!
I have found that I belong here more than any Kingdom Hall. The boredom, cliques, do more, not good enough, self-righteous, and ''am I doing enough to please Jehovah'' is off my shoulders.
I hated myself for years by going through the motions. There were times I would drive around in my car and walk in 1 minute before the meetings started and leave 1 minute after the meetings ended because I knew I didn't belong there. I hated every minute of the meetings. It's either you are 100% in or get out since it will eat you alive.
The Elders knew I was going through the motions just to please my family. I came up with every excuse on why I missed the meetings. Work, illness, and 100 other reasons why I wasn't at the meetings.
One day I decided I wasn't going to any more meetings. I broke my mom's heart but it was either my physical and mental breakdown or continue to lie and suffer.
The '' mental abuse'' the WTBTS put me through will never end. They did a great job on me. All I know is that by coming on this fabulous site I will heal and feel better. I know now that there are millions of people who lived through the same Jehovah's Witness life.