I thought it best to post this brief experience at my weblog instead of here.
Losing My Religion
by rocketman 12 Replies latest jw experiences
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Joyzabel
Cute! the musings of rocketman.
Interesting point you made to your sister. Now she'll think you are "lost". <sigh>
Enjoy your life, lost one
j2bf
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LittleToe
Something just struck me, reading your experience, and that was your comment about being baptised into a religion.
I know that the Mormons do that too. Does anyone have any idea how many otheres?
Last year I got baptised as a Christian, but it's a baptism that's good for any Christian denomination that I care to attend. Is it just a cult thing, I wonder, to tie someone into them by means of the rire of passage of baptism??
Just my 2p.
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JamesThomas
"I told her that the bottom line in our religion is that each member is expected to cultivate a close, personal relationship with God. I have no such relationship with God, I told her, so there seemed no point in continued attendance at meetings..."
It was for these same reasons that I was disfellowshipped as I could no longer even pray to the Borg's idea of God. There was no "relationship" there at all (thank God). It's impossible to truly and sincerely "love Jehovah your God with your whole heart, mind and soul" when He is threatening to kill you if you don't. This screwed-up teaching
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Gopher
It seems she had been questioned by several people in her congregation and congregations in the surrounding area about my whereabouts with regard to these meetings.
This is the Modus Operandi of many JW's -- inquire through their network about you (as if talking to you might be scary or harmful), instead of calling you up personally and say "hey I miss you, how are you doing...wanna go to lunch sometime?"
Because you miss a few of their precious meetings, you immediately (and I mean IMMEDIATELY) draw suspicion.
Cultlike, or Christlike? (Hint: Attendance at group meetings is more important than showing personal loving concern.)
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rocketman
Gopher - I agree, it's the 'ol gossip network at work. I was told that I was "missed". My response was "how could they miss me, when I have only been at two meetings in my current congregation? They don't even know me." As for other people in other congregations in the area, they should know that I relocated recently. It's exactly as you said, their Modus Operandi.
James, I hear ya. First thing I was asked was "what about everlasting life?" as if I was now on Jehovah's hit list, which, according to the jws, I am.
Joy, she told me that I "broke her heart". Yeah, I'm lost for the most part now.
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Sentinel
The problem with me was that I really felt I was being "guided out", and it seemed such an oxymoron to me, to be "wanting out", and yet still wanting and needed a relationship on the spiritual level. I didn't understand then; now I do.
Funny now, as I recall old feelings, I think I felt that the being I "knew within my heart" wasn't this mean, cruel, demanding creature of the WTS. I connected with an organization, but I never connected with that entity. I tried to, and in my attempts, felt that I was a failure. I even thought that I must have an evil heart, and just didn't know it.
Although it had been drilled into my head that the god of the JW's was the true god, I always had such conflicting feelings in my gut. When I finally acted on those feelings, I got myself free. For the first time in my life, it did appear that "someone" answered my prayers. It sure wasn't the JW god, who I never felt close to, never fully understood, and who seemed unapproachable. I believe it was because I listened to my heart and I acted on it's guidance.
Losing my religion, in itself, didn't hurt me. Of course losing friends and family really hurt; but then, there is always a price to pay for freedom. JW's try to say that if you are df'd or if you leave, then you are without god, that he doesn't listen to your prayers and you are cut off from your spiritual connection to truth.
But, finding spirituallity outside of religion has been quite agreeable with me. I don't look to any one "being". I view my experience here as coming from universal creators. I'm not certain who they are, or what they look like, but I feel comfortable talking to them as if they are my parents. I don't feel alone. In some ways, I believe our soul speaks to us, and when we listen, we are blessed. I believe that if we learn how to love ourselves, then we can truly show love and compassion to others, and that in doing so, we will be rewarded with joy and contentment. Humans do seem to thrive on that, no matter what their circumstances in life.
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rocketman
Sentinel mentioned: JW's try to say that if you are df'd or if you leave, then you are without god, that he doesn't listen to your prayers and you are cut off from your spiritual connection to truth.
Very true. Fortunately for me, since I did not feel close to God in the first place, I don't feel as if they can take anything away from me.
I appreciate your thoughts Sentinel.
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JH
When I joined, I firmly believed in God, and when I prayed to him, I was sincere. With time, I was tired of being a puppet, and following the leaders. Your relation with God should be just that, YOU and GOD.
Following a religion that tells you when to pray, when to go to meetings is treating you like a child. Scolding people who don't give enough hours in the field service is not love. God accepts what comes from the heart.
I lost my love for the Watchtower's way of doing business with God. Seeing scandals being pushed underneith the carpet, false dates and expectations, all led me to believe they were totally blind.
For many years, I felt as if they really were God's organization, even though I wasn't happy there. Now, and especially after being on this forum nearly 6 months now, I don't feel the same way anymore. I don't worry anymore about what they think of me.
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rocketman
JH wrote: even though I wasn't happy there
Indeed, I can't recall ever being happy there either. I used to think, 'why does this religion make me feel so unhappy'? even though we were constantly told that we ought to be full of joy.