Long Story of my Life/Experience

by GrownMidget 25 Replies latest jw experiences

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  GrownMidget

  Once we get to freely express ourselves, we do not feel repressed. I am so sorry for what happened to you as a child, being forced to the floor, the crazy things (yes, crazy) that adults did to you! Anyone would say, "What the heck is going on here?" and children do not have the power, or the means to escape all of the time.

  Heh, it's funny that to me it's "normal" and when someone is having normal life, to me it's "weird". Normality is a weird concept. Anyway, my parents often used Bible to try to make me do what they say.
  
  (New International Version)
  Exodus 20:12; "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you."
  Ephesians 6:1; "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."
  And completely forgot Ephesians 6:4; "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
  
  And no, I am not believing this is from God, because I don't believe he exists to begin with. Just trying to say that their methods were fucked up and all this power was given to them by the Governing Body, who says that God has appointed them.
  
  Now years later, my mom is very sorry for all, but too bad that damage is done. My step dad also included me and his son as the only persons in his will. I am guessing he is feeling bad for the things he has done and is trying to say he's sorry.
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  Dissonant15

  What a heart wrenching story, thank you for sharing it. My heart really goes out to you. It sounds like depression, anger, and addiction may run in your family? The cult always makes it worse, especially if there's already a genetic component. I hope you are still having therapy now. If not it may help. Growing up our mom was mentally ill and at times unable to properly care for us. Something that helps me deal with feelings of resentment is to view my parents and even the congregation elders all as victims. You truly are a survivor. Healing is often slow and proportionate to the hurt. I wish you progressive healing on your journey!
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  GrownMidget

  It sounds like depression, anger, and addiction may run in your family?

  Yes, my whole family has had different forms of depression and anxiety, all diagnosed. Many, if not all have addictions of some kind and at least me and my brother have anger issues. I decided to cut him loose entirely from my circles. Funny thing being that he is the one trying to become a therapist while coping with his own alcoholism and anger issues with the world, his wife and rest of the family... Often talked to me about divorcing him and basically been kinda close to cheating her too. He also blames rest of the family for his problems yet his wife is the one who made him do all things he has done, so the success he has financially had belongs mostly to his wife.
  
  

  Growing up our mom was mentally ill and at times unable to properly care for us.

  Yes, mine too. She was basically abused sexually as a child by her father.
  To be honest, I have been able to let go most of the anger towards her and in some level have already forgiven and after I realized that, I felt lighter inside. It was a nice feeling! However, some things still bother me about her very much...
  
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  nicolaou

  Wow GrownMidget, so sorry that you went through all that. I don't have anywhere near enough experience to offer advice beyond what Simon and others have suggested - professional counselling.

  The only thing I'd add is to consider how your wife is doing in all of this. Making her happy will be the best thing you can do for yourself too.

  Good luck man
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  JakeM2012

  GrownMidget, thank you for telling your story. You have overcome much, and you are still alive. Be thankful for your progress and do your best to move on in life. May you find abundant peace in your life.
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  GrownMidget

  The only thing I'd add is to consider how your wife is doing in all of this. Making her happy will be the best thing you can do for yourself too.

  She is doing well. If she has any concerns she shares and I do the same. She is very loving and supportive woman. She didn't know anything about witnesses prior to our dating, but after learning about it she was the final coffin with my awakening because she showed the connections with Masonry and Pyramidology.
  
  At some point, we both came into the crossroads that she didn't understand me anymore and I couldn't explain so I decided to join here.
  
  

  Be thankful for your progress and do your best to move on in life.

  Thank you! There is no day going by that I don't think about how lucky and thankful I am for being out.