An aspect of dealing with my elderly, PIMI, Father (page 2)

AudeSapere

The only way to win this game with active family is to not play the game.

I think you've done great!

Not everyone needs to know all of our own feelings and opinions.

Congrats on keeping the family affection door open with your PIMI dad.

Aude

You're hardly a sell-out. You're just playing the long game. There is nothing wrong with remaining silent in order to get along with and help your aging father. For a time I was in a similar circumstance with my mother. I told her although I was no longer interested in attending meetings, that I encourage her to go since that is where her friends are. But then out of nowhere she started asking questions as to why I didn't see it as truth. So I had her look at what Watchtower said about 1975. By using Watchtower's own literature, I was able to show her how wrong they are about everything. There is no truth to be found amongst the lie. If the truth has to keep reinventing itself, it never was the truth. Truth is constant.

punkofnice

I didn’t DA.

This is the Watchtower's(tm) rules. Why should you play by THEIR rules? Once you start talking of DA etc, you're immediately talking like a fully robotised JW.

Just carry on as you are, living like a normal person.

BluesBrother

If we have close family that are active dubs, to me it makes no sense to d/a oneself.

My wife is active and true believer , although not entirely brainwashed. When I stepped aside from the WT and gave up my responsibilities, things were fraught and could have gone either way. Now though we get on fine , just don’t discuss it anymore. She is great and I am so glad we are together. I can still deal with the local dubs and before Covid we could socialise as a couple.

BoogerMan

Hey Joe, you are NOT an apostate if you still believe in Christianity. You are simply a heretic of the denomination known as Jehovah's Witnesses. Don't adopt the Borg's abusive language.

Heretic: a person who has views that do not conform to the views of their particular religion.

Apostate: a person who totally rejects a belief system that they used to subscribe to, e.g. Christianity.

By not D.A., you are choosing what's best for you - and your dad. I have known several elderly JW's who were simply abandoned when they needed help and assistance - especially when dumped into nursing homes.

You owe the cult nothing - in word or deed.

stan livedeath

the other way of looking at this--what would your father do if you werent around ? What would his future look like? Can you really see the congregation looking after him ?

Drearyweather

joe,

You are doing great, There is no need to da.

I no longer believe in the WT, but am in for my old mother's sake. She sacrificed a lot for me and my siblings, and I'd rather see her die peacefully thinking about being resurrected and meeting my father in paradise, than shatter her final days by leaving the WT officially.

JW's who come to meet her enjoy my association and I just go with the flow. Some of these in my congregation are real nice caring people who are doing their best to serve their God sincerely. I don't have any issues with them, and neither do they have with me. It doesn't harm me to read the Bible to her or help her set up the broadcasting programs.

For elderly parents, the time for waking them up has long gone. It's the time to give love and attention.

under the radar

I, too, simply faded and didn't bother to formally disassociate. And they didn't bother to disfellowship me, even though they had legitimate grounds to do so several years ago. I had moved far away and hadn't claimed to be a JW for many years, so as the holy writ from their religious overlords in NY suggested, they just held the matter in abeyance.

Besides not wanting to play their game by feeling like I owed them a formal statement, I thought that by not being formally DA or DF, it would leave the way open for some JW family to maintain a normal relationship. Some did and others have shunned me anyway. Some treat me as they always have and others act like I have a price on my head. Go figure.

My dad was a long-time elder, but he never shunned me or asked me to stop calling or visiting him, even after he learned I was "living in sin" (at the time). He yearned for me to "throw myself on the mercy of the brothers and return to Jehovah," but I explained it would be of no value if I didn't really mean it. It would be pointless and hypocritical. I wouldn't be fooling anybody. Reluctantly, he finally accepted things as they were and we moved on. Most other family members followed his lead until he passed away. Then the self-righteous and judgmental ones made a big show of cutting me off from anything family related, not even informing me of major events like deaths, marriages, and births. Their loss.

Anyway, I think you are handling this situation admirably. Good on you for helping your dad despite the fact that it probably wouldn't be reciprocated if the situation was reversed. You're setting a better example of "Godly love" than most JWs do, despite all their bloviating and self-promotion.

Black Sheep

You can't sow seeds of doubt while they think that you are Satan's Minion, so don't give them a reason to think that.

Tendrillar2022

OK, I just signed up (after watching this website from afar) to answer your question.

As a caregiver of a totally devoted JW, I understand what you are posting about.

We can't fix what our elderly (in my case, dementia patient parent) is going through. If they didn't have us to take care of us, they would have nothing. NOTHING. JW.bOrg will not take care of them. Just ask for their money once they've passed.

Remember, you are the caregiver. Your role is 100% necessary. You KNOW it's all BS. But, you are trying to do the best for your parent. I am there, I totally get that.

You are not selling out. You are just doing what needs to be done in this situation. Good for you.

AND I have noticed that various JW elders (who, actually do NOTHING to help you take care of this faithful JW elderly person who needs 24/7 caregiving) are happy to have us, apostate adult children, to care for these faithful JW people who are in the last stages of their lives. BECAUSE (and I stress this) JW.bOrg has absolutely no infrastructure in place to care for dying JWs who thought paradise would be here before they were sick. Just sayin'.

So, faded, DF'd, DA'd... none of that means anything except in the archaic rarified world of the JWs.

Don't worry about any of that. Just do what you need to do, and be satisfied you did the right thing by your parent.

An aspect of dealing with my elderly, PIMI, Father