Wow. This is deep. I used to be my own worst enemy. Even before the JW thing intered our life when I was young, I felt like I wasn't accepted or loved. I have asked myself why I felt this way, and I've since learned that I was an intelligent child, and had lots of questions. Adults in my life did not address my needs. I was always discounted and never had any physical affection or "I love you's", etc., from my father. I was always just "a child", or "just a kid", and "just a girl". What did I know.
I was in tune with adults, perhaps more than they liked. I was very perceptive, and they felt I should be seen and not heard; and otherwise, not even seen. I grew up believing that I didn't matter, that no one understood me. My desires, my dreams, my hopes, my questions were not validated. They were ignored. I was ignored. Perhaps that comes from the situation that I lived in.
When my mother got involved with JW's, I saw a way to be something special. It worked for a while, until I matured a bit more, and realized I didn't agree with the doctrines, and I had a problem being subject to an organization. Again, I felt all alone. My mother, who had been my friend, suddenly I had no one to talk to. Although I was a good and loyal daughter, I felt there were no rewards for it. The truth is, I didn't love myself, because I felt that I was unworthy. My self-esteem was very low.
Now, I know differently. I learned to love myself, and understand that people show and give different types of love. My father loved me the best he knew how. I forgave him a long time ago, for not loving me the way I needed to be loved as his daughter.
In general, I like mysellf. I'm happy to have experienced the things I have, including the JW thing, because I truly believe it has helped me be a "better me". When there is no one else, there is always "me", and that's alright. I don't mind being alone with myself anymore. I can look in the mirror and smile.