by BlackWolf 20 Replies latest jw friends
Great news that you are at art camp. I understand it's hard to make friends when they have a different background.
But like another poster said. Live for the moment, enjoy the present with them. Worry about maintaining long term friendships at a later time.
Have fun at art camp
Kate xx
I agree with Smiddy and the others who say that it's best to simply leave out your Witness upbringing, the "victim card." You probably don't need to explain any awkwardness at art camp anyway. Artists tend to be a little eccentric, so you just have a little jump-start on the whole persona.
Hi Blackwolf!
Good news from a non JW (me). You don't have to explain any of this to anyone and if they like you, they'll still like you.
Now the bad news. It's been my experience that JWs sometimes say things that are a little different and sometimes unintentionally offend.
If you're saying your parents won't let you be their friends I'm sure eyebrows are rising for a few reasons Not necessary to say that. Become friends and then, if asked to hang out, just tell them you have to do other things that day.
Make friends. You may need them one day.
Thanks everyone, I havent gone into great detail or anything, just that I have very strict religious parents. Its just that some other kids wanted to hang out with me outside of camp, and of course they don't understand why I can't do that (because its ridiculous). I don't want people to think I'm weird or anything, so I only try to explain when its necessary. It's just that its been so long since I've been around normal kids that I don't really know how to act around them anymore and not seem like a weirdo. :(
Remember that this situation is temporary. Your life will change with every passing year. So don't fret too much about your current situation. Use that energy to plan what you want for your future.
As far as having friends, don't spend too much time talking about JW stuff, as already mentioned by others. Enjoy what time you are able to spend with them. For many of us, after graduation we never saw most of those classmates again as we went our separate ways... until this Internet thingy came along. That gives you a big advantage. If you make friends now that you are only able to spend a little time with, you can keep in touch through the Internet and build a valuable network of friends.
I have 2 teenagers who recently left the org and me too, partly what woke me up was seeing their struggles with the strict bad association rules and the very real detrimental effects it had on both of them. I can only tell you how they handled this problem.
My son wanted to leave like you from about age 14, he would make friends at school etc and wanted desperately to go out with them, he was very 'normal' and popular (not what they want you to be at assemblies), always befriended them on social media, texted them, played online games etc, he would tell them his dad was really strict and he wasn't always allowed out but he didn't give them the whole religion back story, not unless he became very close with 1 or 2.....then he started to make excuses to meet up time to time for a 'school project', he then started sneaking out, in the meantime being as friendly and normal as possible during school hours. The results was that when he made the break he had a big group of friends waiting to greet him.
There were lots of rows with his dad, lots of nights in crying alone, lots of hidden texting and sneaking out....but as his mum I could see all this and the fact that he just didn't have the friends he needed in the org, and worse, when it became clear he was struggling, the witnesses started to shun him (even though he was still doing his best to be a good jw) It was a very painful 2 years for him but now he's out and I am too.
You can explain about your religion by simply saying it's a high control religion and please don't talk to my father............ he's an Elder in the congregation and is very strict. Add you'll only get me into more trouble then I already am. Leave it to their imagination that your a bit of a rebel.
If some of these kids want to hang out with you outside of camp see if you can slant it towards your art work. Doing art related projects, a trip to a museum or gallery. Your parents might be more comfortable about something like that and cut you a little slack.
Make sure you get their contact information so you can email or talk to them over the phone.
Are you learning to drive yet? Have you checked out a close by community college or trade school? You will want to be prepared if at 18 they put their foot down about not getting baptized or living under their roof if your not attending meetings. By not getting baptized they will have no real reason to shun you for the rest of your life as that is a get out of jail card. However they may want to 'teach' you a lesson and ask you to leave.
That is one reason to develop a few relationships from the Art Camp.......... you may need a friend and a safe place to crash for a little while.
I dont have a lot to add, but you see 100% sure that your father is not going to allow you to hang out with these new friends.
Could you be wrong about that? Cant hurt to ask him, and explain how important it is to make friends to you. Explain to him how awkward you feel, and that you have connected with some people and want them in your life.
Hes your dad.......hopefully he will listen.
So your parents think the money rather than your time is more important?
Being more independent financially, get your own space (no roommates) and a game plan for your immediate and near future life could be helpful.
Just make friends exchange emails, etc. I figure if you can be on this site, then email should be fairly easy. You CAN be friends, you just wont be able to meet up; due to your parents decision NOT YOURS. You are telling them that you can't be their friend because of religion; I think it would be easier for them to understand if you were to say your parents are strict. Yet, you will still make the effort to reach out to them.
