Walking a thin line - Resigning Elder

by Sanchy 106 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  steve2

  Hello Sanchy!

  Contrary to the urgent type of thinking in the organization, you really do have all the time in the world to think these important issues through. There is no race to the "finish" line.

  You are very nicely attuned to your wife's wellbeing and sound like a considerate, respectful mate. Your wife expressed a sentiment that had more than a grain of truth in it: She married you when you were a committed Witness who submitted to the direction of the organization. You've now changed - albeit in a manner where you are attempting to cause the least disruption to others. It is a shock to a spouse when their mate begins to express ideas that go contrary to what they once believed. Even to express doubt suggests a change of sorts is occurring.

  What will "save" your marriage is the love and goodwill between you and your wife. She needs lots of reassurance that you are still the same husband she married in terms of your love and commitment to the marriage and your children.

  I know I am not saying anything new here - and that you are already proceeding with the utmost care. Stay around this forum - it is possibly one oif the most tolerant, accepting forums for those struggling with doubts and/or trying to find a constructive way forward.

  Realizing one's cherished beliefs may not be "the truth" can be disturbing - but it can also be gently "freeing" so that you begin to consider 'where to from here'. Best!
• 

  notsurewheretogo

  If I were to write out my experience it would be near word for word what you have just written.

  You are not alone, we have all been where you are. I've been out since 2012 and things only get better, much better!
• 

  HappyDad

  Hello and welcome Sanchy.

  I went through something similar as you are going through. What was in my favor was that other than in-laws, I had no family to worry about since my daughter was also out. (my wife had passed away).

  I'm in SW Florida. Bonita Springs.

  If you are anywhere near, you can PM me.

  Wishing you the best,

  HappyDad
• 

  elderINewton

  best of luck. I know how hard it is to step away, and the pain that goes with it.

  One of the things that woke my wife up was an article on white blood cells in breast milk, where I had showed her and worked into one of our studies. I approached it with the I'm not sure if we should breast feed the child... It was her start.

  Keep looking and you'll find your path.
  
• 

  WingCommander

  Only in a highly controlling CULT, are you made to feel obligated to explain your reasons to quit a VOLUNTARY POSITION.

  I would have handed in my resignation as an Elder, with an "I'm done, and I'm not discussing my reasons. Effective immediately." That would have been the end of it. Saying you have "doubts" is only opening yourself up to a future JC. Should have faked depression and/or being "stumbled" by the new Governing Body Televangelism. Haha!

  As for your wife: Sounds like she's royally PISSED because she married a company man, an Elder. Now, you've gone and ruined her "position" (the only one she's allowed to have in this Victorian Era dictatorship) of "Elderette". What's she to do? Walk around like a pee-on, like the rest of the nobodies? Surely you jest!!! But your resignation as Elder will definitely have a silver lining: Wait until the rest of the Elderettes and Pioneer nosey busy bodies start spreading false rumor and gossip about you, AND her, then start treating her like total crap. Oh yes......your wife is about to be shown "Organizational Love", bigtime!! Especially if you start "fading" from the meetings. Then she'll be treated like a leper! This will at first cause her shock, then disbelief, then anger about such abandonment of her conditional so-called "friends." She'll be running back to you, because you'll be all she has left after the spiritual whipping. Think I'm bullshitting? Just wait and see.......her turn at bat hasn't even come yet.
  
• 

  ttdtt

  Many of us have been there man.

  One thing.

  Elders are still in process of sending my details to CO and branch, awaiting their approval for my resignation.

  That's just paper work and now the CO is the one who gets notified. There is no approval, its not like they can say - no you have to be an elder. They are not making you do any elders duties still are they?
• 

  Billzfan23

  I agree with WingCommander and abandon the "I have doubts" stance with the body of elders. They are going to be on you like white on rice now. I stepped down as a secretary/school overseer at the end of 2006 and it was nonstop calls. emails, texts around the clock from the whole body about my attempt to step down.

  Really (unless you actually think your wife is leaving with you) - you're better off taking the band-aid approach that I took. It's better to rip off a band-aid instead of picking at it forever. Your kids are so young that you'll be able to influence them in a healthy way. But take steps now to get them out of the BORG as soon as you can. Take if from someone who knows first-hand.
• 

  joe134cd

  I have copied and pasted this from another thread

  Welcome Stepford wife. Great to have you here. Your situation is certainly not an isolated one. I have found the best way to get around the apostate label is to

  (1) Choose your moment carefully

  (2) Be creative and imaginative

  (3) Try to refrain from talking about the JWs directly but use other religions to get them thinking. Although with this 3rd point I havnt managed to awaken anyone yet. It has certainly been a good and none confrontational way of getting the point across. Here are a few examples.

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/5944087274323968/another-conversation-my-father

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/374640001/conversation-ultra-dub-relative-pure-quality-this-one

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/259270011/seized-opportunity-help-my-mother-critically-think-today-this-will-just-blow-your-mind

  To be honest I have also found using the Mormon religion a very useful example in reasoning with the JWs. As the Mormon church is also facing much the same issues as the JWs. Here is just one of many examples

  http://www.pbs.org/wnet/religionandethics/2015/06/26/june-26-2015-former-mormons/26293/

  Perhaps you could say to you husband.

  I was reading this article on the Mormon church the other day and it just struck me as what a false religion it is.

  I was reading how they have to go hide in a coffee shop on a Sunday morning to avoid been seen.

  it must be really devastating for members to find out that the religion they devoted their lives to ended up been a hoax by a con man. I guess religion is a snear and a racket.

  isnt it nice to know that despite all he human imperfections of the founders, and just how demon inspired they were and all the reversals they have made over time. That the church is now been open and transparent about its past with its members. Why do you think this would be the case.

  etc and so forth. Theses are just examples only to give you an idea.

  Flag
• 

  jacobm

  Wow, I am having flashbacks reading your experience. Sounds a lot like my experience (I just wasn't an Elder).

  Your wife sounds like she will wake up eventually, judging by her initial response. She sounds mentally stable and you are definitely lucky for that. My wife responded much like yours did. Tread lightly though. Remember that she is a victim of mind control.

  If you are still a believer in Christ, may I recommend remembering 1 John 4:18? And, C.T. Russell's Divine Plan of the Ages is great in helping a JW veer a little more toward reasonable Christianity.

  If I may suggest, destroy your "blood card". That is one doctrine that is complete junk. You don't want you, your kids, or your wife dying over this cult.

  Also, DON'T donate any more money.

  PM me anytime if you wanna talk more here, over the phone, or over Skype.

  BTW, I will be in Orlando is February!
• 

  Xanthippe

  Welcome Sanchy. You sound like a really decent guy, you know the religion is at fault and you're not filled with hate for individuals who have been duped just like you. You also sound very honest and truthful, be careful of that. I was just the same, it's the way we were raised but you need to be a little more discreet now if you want to fade and at least keep your relationship with you're wife and not end up in a JC.