by Ghost of Esmeralda 41 Replies latest jw friends
Essie:
{{{{{{{{{{{Essie, hubby and dughter}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I have to head out shortly and don't have time to respond this minute to your thread. I will drop you an email or private post when I get home to discuss this further with you.
Please know all your friends are behind you in this and our hearts break knowing how much this is upsetting you.
Talk to you later on.
Uzzah
Seems to me that he's full of hot air. If you act all upset about this all he's going to do is call up your family and they're going to laugh about it behind your back.
Instead, I would get a lawyer and seek a restraining order on your sister based on alienation of affection and also emotional abuse. Use Alamb's stuff. You can win. Don't let them see you lose your cool. Let the judge lose his cool.
Besides .... I think the more these types of things show up in the courts around the world, the better for us and the worse for the WTS. It may be that your relatives will get a nice little Watchtower article telling them how they are supposed to "respect" a child's parent even if the parent is disassociated.
((((Essie)))))
I'm so glad you heard from alamb. I think that president set in her case is going to help alot of parents trying not to get their kids indoctrinated! Yes the courts are waking up to the fact the "something ain't right in borgland".
Sending you hugs to get through this.
j2bf
Be her best friend, her confidante, her biggest cheerleader and they won't stand a chance. Let your life be her example Essie. Show her what freedom, independence and real happiness is all about. Don't let him get you down, do you hear? I've seen kids sway back and forth, but they go back to the best parent, the real loving parent in the end. Hang in there, it will be ok.
Anne
((((((Essie))))))))
I'm thinking of you in this situation you are in.
Are you situated in Canada? I'm in Canada and have worked in Family law for the last 12 years. My boss actually works on behalf of abused children and custody/access cases with the Attorney General's Office, Office of the Children's Lawyer. If your in Canada I could probably give you some advice otherwise, I really don't know how it works in the U.S. or wherever your are?
You say you have joint custody, which allows your husband the access he has. Have you thought of sole custody, would that be a probability. How good is your family lawyer that you have used in the past?
I'm sorry, I have to add to what I previously posted. I see that a lot of friends are telling you to go and bring the ex and your sister to court. I'm sure you know that to do this, is very costly, you need massive affidavit material, and your looking at least $10,000.00 in legal fees, and in a case like this, probably much more. You have to sit down and seek out the best way of doing this. I don't know much about Alambs. Do they help legally at no cost?
I need to be englightened folks. There are so many different family law scenarios in these situations.
CJ "of the wanting to help class".
I think bluesapphire has an interesting point and I'm glad she brought it up.
Get a restraining order on your sister for your daughter. If your ex goes against the restraining order he might lose his visitation because he would be ignoring the law. He would not be able to take her to meetings or family gatherings where your sister is.
This is a drastic solution but what they are doing is drastic - known as spiritual warfare
Putting a child in a situation where she has to choose between her mother and extended family goes against everything that is decent. You have every reason to be upset but try not to let him see this. Don't give him power over you. And try not to feel like a victim. Victim thinking says I can't fight this. Survivor thinking says I can and I will
Well...after another chat, my ex has had a change of heart. Rather, I should say he was driven to tears after I showed him something Alamb sent me! He said that I was 'unbelievably low' to 'threaten him' and "use him" this way. I tried to explain it wasn't about him, but that it was about my sister's behavior. My husband tried to explain that as well, but the ex refused to see it. He has said though that he will 'comply' (interesting he used that Borg term!) he hates doing it and is only doing so because's he's being forced. Because he's so afraid I'll take him to court and restrict his access to take my daughter to the Hall. He flatly denied ever telling my daughter I would die at armageddon (course he swore also to my husband that the Society doesn't judge people! HA!) He went so far as to dramatically 'forbid' my daughter to say that she'd heard such a thing again.
As I type this, my ex just called and told my husband that he phoned my sister (something I did not want, or ask him to do, he is creating needless drama, another way he likes to stir up problems) and informed her not to call, write, mail, or contact my daughter when she is with him. My sister had the guts to ask if that "meant her husband, too?!" !!!!!!!!!! Can you say, already looking for a way around my ex!
I fully expect this isn't the end of this. He's going to pitch a fit eventually, and I fully expect my phone to ring tomorrow and my sister to call. I'm going to wait a few days to answer if she calls, I need to gather my thoughts, so my husband and I can tell them, together, that as long as she maintains these views that I am bad just because I am not a JW, that she cannot, and will not, have access to my daughter.
But...I wish I believed this could last. I don't think it can.
Thanks everyone, for everything. I am grateful ((((((((((alamb)))))))) you're a gem.
love,
essie
Hi Essie,
It seems that you may already be on the road to gaining control in this situation. If I may, I'd like to suggest one other thing you might consider doing.
(By the way, I don't recall your daughter's age, or if your EX is a JW - he sure sounds like he is.)
I suggest that you need to innoculate your daughter against the ideas, fears and misrepresentation that her (JW?) Dad and his family will eventually try to fill her head with.
I suggest that you have a "book study" with your daughter. The book I would recommend for starters is "Visions Of Glory" by Barbara Grizutti Harrison, which is available FREE online at http://www.exjws.net/vg.htm.
Set aside some time each week - or a couple of times a week - to read the book with your daughter and discuss what the book has to say. "Visions Of Glory" is extraordinarily well-written and doesn't get hip-deep into the dogmatic sludge - but it gets deep enough to give your child an understanding of how wrong people can be fanatically wrong. It is also a very human story that I think will interest her more than "Crisis Of Conscience" would.
After you have finished reading "Visions Of Glory" together, then you might want to consider "C.O.C." if you feel your child has the interest to pursue the material in such depth.
I understand how some very well-meaning people might suggest that all you need to do is study the Bible with your child, but that will not get to the crux of the matter - which is the Watchtower history of error and arrogance - and you might also not feel that you want to impose another set of erroneous superstitions on top of the JW dogma.
I believe you will find this 'innoculation" to be supremely effective, and your child will be "protected" in more ways than are at first apparent.
Refuse to be a victim. Take action. Let the girly-man who is your ex cry and hyperventilate.
Best wishes!
Ghost - my sons were 3 & 4 when I left my husband (not a JW). He has played mind games, made promises, anything to take them mentally away from me. My sons have never heard me anything "bad" about their father to them.
They are 13 & 14 now. Two years ago they decided to stay at home with me for the holidays (they typically fly to his house Christmas and summers). Last year they decided to stay with me for the holidays. This summer they are staying with me for the summer.
Meaning - they don't WANT to see their father much at all anymore.
He pushed them away by downgrading me. He ruined any type of relationship they had by blaming everything on me. I showed them love and caring. (OH yes - I got really upset at times. Screaming and yelling and telling him what a sorry SOB he was! But - the boys didn't hear me. I would sit in the car and tell/yell/scream at him of how he only cared about himself and hurting me. I would go way back in the back yard. Anywhere that I knew the boys would not hear me.)
Regardless of what you do with your sister and X; just always remember that kids don't forget. My 14 yr old still remembers things his father said to him about me and has now ask me about it. Your daugher, I believe you said in your previous thread, is 7. Just let her see your love. Fake your emotions if you have to. Go out and have a BIG HUGE banana split when you feel your worse; the ice cream and your daughter will make you feel better.
Just don't make the mistake my X made; she will grow up to be a beautiful, smart lady that knows her mom's love is unconditional; her aunt and fathers isn't.
Wishing you only the best.
