Trying to get your emotional needs met by people who are emotionally unavailable, immature and have a sick power balance with you is a bad idea.
Well said rebel8
DA myself to relieve great pressure?
by Isambard Crater 32 Replies latest jw friends
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Finkelstein
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Iown Mylife
There is so much good advice here for the situation you describe!
I know how that feels, when they look at you and the guilt feeling washes over you.
That's why as I began to go to meetings less often, that when I was there, I would keep a Bible open in my lap along with a notebook, and just kept my eyes focused on them, instead of looking at the speaker at all.
The less you're at meetings though, the less control is wielded over your thinking. It is a fact that your life is yours to control, nobody else's.
You have to remove yourself at your own pace. Just remember you have no obligation to the WT cult whatsoever. You deserve to be free of the ridiculous burden they put on you.
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Incognito
A large problem is, you are not IN enough to be considered a good and acceptable witness, but you're in enough to continue under the critical eye and control of the entire congregation, R&F and elders alike. Many JWs criticize other JWs on all levels as they seem to think picking out another person's flaws, elevates themselves.
The only way to become more accepted is to get busy and become a super JW, otherwise, stop placing yourself under their control. You already acknowledge this cult is harming you mentally. When are you going to stop purposely subjecting yourself to this harmful situation?
As you didn't mention family except your elder father, it appears his acceptance is a concern. You are not 9 years old. You are an adult and need to mentally grow-up and set your own course in life, to live on your own terms. There are going to be things you do that your father may not like. Too bad for him. He's a big boy who is responsible for his own behavior and actions. He is no longer responsible for you and, you are not responsible for how he reacts to your decisions. You are not obligated to coddle him or protect his feelings at your own expense.