Throw her arse under the bus and report her to the elders. Then lawyer up, and protect those assets you have worked hard for.
Unfaithful spouse
by Worstfear 23 Replies latest jw experiences
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WingCommander
Your wife is fucking another dude, and YOU up and leave the house?
Ummm.....NO!!! I'd be kicking HER dumb ass along with her man-whore right out the door!!!
WTF!!!! Stop being a doormat. Grow a pair and kick these fuckers to the curb!!!!
I'm in PA as well. Don't take this shit. Lawyer up, get print-outs of the texts from the cell phone company, get as much evidence as you can, clean her out. If you don't, she'll use your state of grief right now to CLEAN YOU OUT.
If you desire peace, prepare for war.
Good Luck.
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Simon
What a bitch.
Sounds like she actually is afraid of you contacting the elders which is why she tried to scare you off doing so ... which is exactly why you should. It's not harassment, its rules of the religion she signed up to.
Defend your assets. Check the business dealings you had with this guy to see if they were conspiring to divert funds.
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StephaneLaliberte
If you are an active JW, then, yes. Absolutely report to the elders! Otherwise, why would you, unless it was to deliberately hurt her? Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the sanctity of marriage and that people should work very hard on their marriage. But perhaps your wife tried for several years already to keep happiness in your marriage and was simply unable to retain it. As years go by, people change, and couples sometimes change in different directions. Its horrible to experience this, but it is far from being uncommon. The man you are today and the women she has become are, in her view, no longer compatible.
When there are no other options, the best is to divorce in good terms and be thankful to each other for the times you shared where you were happy. Surely, in those 12 years, there were such moments. Be thankful for these and understand that you now have a new life ahead of you.
As for cheating, well, if she did leave you before actually going to bed with that man, then, she didn’t cheat on you. This would be cheating only if you believed that people should never divorce. But does this really make sense? Should people who seriously try to make their marriage work only to find bitterness and sorrow not have the right to hit the “restart” button?
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mickbobcat
Tell the elders, this will free you to leave the cult one day and not have the DF thing hanging over your head. Also fuck her. Let her get DFed and what ever else you can to to mess with her and its still only a small thing compared to her being a slut. I would say fight hard to get your half, lie when you have to. This is a war and she seems ready to fight it to the max by her actions. Do not absolutely puss out and think of the good times. Those are gone and she destroyed it.
You will go through the 7 phases, and anger will be a part of it. GET AN ATTORNEY, do not even think about it get an attorney. She most certainly already has. If you don't you are bringing a squirt gun to a real gun fight. If you give in to any empathy or emotion other than anger you will be just setting yourself up for regret for the rest of your life. You can reset your life and find a good woman. but you need to get ready to fight.
Listen to your Attorney. They have been through this before many times. If you like the dogs she does not just get to take them. I would assume that you have no prenup and all the property is communal. You have at min half interest in everything. Move anything of value out of the house to your family's home and don't talk about it unless she brings it up and then just say I have no idea where it went. I assumed you took it when you left. This is a war and you need to get the mental frame of mind for it.
Do not talk to her with out at the very minimum assuming she is recording it and she most likely is and her attorney will tell her what questions to ask or how to lead you to get something to use in court against you. It would be the best to not talk to her. Just like when you get an issue with the police, never ever especially if you are innocent do you open up to the police. You always say I need to talk to my attorney first. If you do not get an attorney then bend over and grab your ankles because in the end you are going to get it up the rear end and no dinner first.
Also this will not stay quit as far as the elders go. They will know you are divorced unless you both move away and never contact anyone from you home town. The elders will know and don't put yourself in that position of getting DFed and letting the slut spin it to them before your side is told. You hold the card right now. DO NOT let her be the only side that spins her story. She very likely can use the you were abusive to her mentally and or physically. This will spring the empathy card with some. If you do not look at this as a war and arm up you are going to treated like shit and get steam rolled. Get mad get very mad and get an attorney and fight. Do what your attorney tells you to to the letter.
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Diogenesister
You didn't mention if you were active witnesses. I'm guessing not? Otherwise they would presumably know. Also, if you're not, telling the elders is kinda harassment. At least if they came around and bothered her it is.
It seems all rather sudden. If it really played out as you say, I'm sorry. But I only have your side. For all we know you may be abusive, controlling etc etc Please don't get angry for saying it.... it's just my father tells huge sob stories about my mother leaving him to raise two kids...he just forgets to mention the bit about breaking her nose, throwing her out every five minutes and her sleeping in the car etc etc
Taking things at face value I think Stephen LaLiberté said it best. Look back with fondness, try not to be bitter because it will destroy you and try to remain friends. " Jehovah's arrangement" may well be the reason it ended. Husband's being the head is an old fashioned and frankly damaging attitude. It's misogynistic to say the least. Perhaps if the two of you saw it as a partnership - and kept Jehovah out of your marriage bed - you may have still been together. It's a fact JW have the same rate of divorce as secular people, actually in some cases a higher divorce rate.
I wish you the very best. Take care of yourself, maybe get to know yourself without cult influence, ensure you split things fairly and maybe find something you've always wanted to do/experience but couldn't due to commitments. You only live once and if you really love her you'd want her to be happy and she you. Be the bigger person and believe me you will be a winner in the end
Meanwhile, research JWfacts.com.
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pistolpete
She was always so level headed and sincere
Welcome Worstfear, Sorry you are going through this.
Humans are very unpredictable! Sometime we are rational and sometimes we totally lose it.
That may have been the case with your wife.
I think people are starting to find out this fact. There is even a new group of men that seems to be growing in leaps and bounds. They call themselves "MGTOW" or Men Going Their Own Way
There are tons of sites where men discuss why "marriage is not working anymore"
I think the old idea of finding the Prince or Princess and living happily ever after was more of a fairy tale than reality.
Humans face all kinds of obstacles that make it very difficult for this to come true in ALL CASES. A very few do find a soul mate and live some 50-80 together, but that's not the norm in reality.
As sad as this is for you, you must try very hard to move on. There are literally hundreds of millions of women who have also gone through the same experience you are going through right now. In their case, their husbands pull the same crap your wife pulled on you.
What everyone told you here about protecting your assets is very important. Get a lawyer immediately to help you navigate the laws in you State and what she might try to do to you.
Here's a little experience from a MGTOW site.
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truth_b_known
Worstfear:
I am sorry for the suffering you are experiencing. Your wife made a choice and now you both will suffer. However, your suffering can end sooner by coming to terms with reality - happiness comes from inside of us and not from an external source. Do not put your happiness in her hands or the hands of anyone else. When you do you become that person's slave. She made her choice and her actions are hers alone to own. It is not your fault.
You are asking for advice on what to do. I recommend first and for most to take care of your health, both physically and mentally. Be sure to eat healthy, exercise, and get sleep. Find someone to talk to and seek the help of a therapist is if you feel the need.
Second, seek legal counsel to assist with the divorce. I would not seek revenge or be spiteful as that will only bring you down and cause regret down the road. Love is the sacrifice of the self for the other with no expectation of reciprocation. Romance is the wanting of someone else to satisfy your wants, cravings, and desires. Romance is the craving of joy or pleasure from someone else physically or in a way that builds the ego.
Adultery is the only Biblically approved reason for a divorce. It doesn't mean you have to get a divorce. She made the choice. Everything is on her.
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Sigfrid Mallozzi
I went through something similar a few years ago and am now divorced. Read "Women's Infidelity", by Michele Langley, it is an eye opener. One spoiler, is that men have it in their DNA to spread their seed all over the earth and women have it in their DNA to go and gather it up. I also found out that women are like apes swinging from vine to vine in the jungle, they won't let of one relationship go until they have a firm grip on the next relationship. -
FedUpJW
Protect your assets and throw her under the bus JW wise .Make sure the Elders know it was her who brought reproach on Jehovah's Organization .It`s no time or place to be sentimental or "christian" you know what I mean, don`t turn the other cheek.
This /\ /\ /\ /\ /\.
There is a saying, "Don't get mad, get even." Well do not buy into that. My saying is ,"Do not get even, get AHEAD!" This is the time to coldly and logically formulate a plan to crush the conniving b----. Then live your life happy to be free of the weight.