Thanks Christina for sharing your story with us. After 8 years of tasting all these congregations you are discerning and concluding if JW's really practice what they preach. You even noticed what scripture says about widows and orphans compared to the daily reality in JW land. That's your personal observation, not that of someone else...GOOD! Your conscience seems to be giving the answer. It means you are stilll honest and sincere. Good luck on your journey and this forum will be there 24/7 if you need it.
I feel like I'm losing my religion/faith
by christina1111 26 Replies latest jw experiences
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tor1500
Hi Christina,
I read all the comments and they are all trying to help you...follow your conscience...and it's ok to lose your religion, but keep your faith...If you believe in God don't let the witness experience take that away from you, if you want to, if you don't believe in God anymore, that's another story, only you can answer that.
You must ask yourself why you are there and what do you want....are you looking for the truth...Christina, hate to bust your bubble there is no truth in a building an organization or in any specific doctrine....the truth is in you, The bible leads you to the truth about you, are you unforgiving, are you quick tempered, do you judge people yet get angry when someone does the same to you...THE TRUTH IS...DO YOU NEED TO CHANGE TO BE A BETTER PERSON...the meat and potatoes of the bible is ....love God and love one another...but that's too simple of humans, we must make it more difficult then it is...stand on one foot and recite the lord's prayer backwards on one foot, yep, that's us humans...ain't happy unless we are challenged.
The truth has led me to the truth about me and how I need to straighten up some things about me, according to God, not man....you will find the org. makes some good points but then you'll see where they make no sense at all and it's only their propaganda...That's where you have to be discerning...I started to see different things even before I got baptized but, I wanted to learn the bible and I did, but I learned it according to the spirit of which it is written...The org. constantly re-writes their bible to fit in words like governing body, body or elders, just rewriting to fit themselves into the picture. Then they tell us that Jesus was talking to all regarding the door to door, but since the org. likes to divide and conquer, certain scriptures apply to this group and certain scriptures apply to that group...phooey....when Jesus or was it Paul sent out the 70, these were supposedly the anointed, so us sheeps ain't gotta go because this scripture wasn't for the sheep, if read in the context.....
Trust your conscience, you see and feel something, then acknowledge it, don't stick your head in the sand and hope it get's better because it won't not unless you put in your slip for full time ministry, and you go out in service more, then they'll love bomb you again, especially after your name is announced as so & so will now be a full time pioneer, oh, they will clap, and then after the meeting, they will be all over you again, you will be included in pioneer stuff, like a secret society, then depending on your personality, you'll start looking down on folks who were once like you....or maybe you won't. But if you want to be loved again...go on put in your pioneer slip, full time slip, no half stepping with the aux. They will be all over you but not for long because you only aux. Yep, if you want them to really pull out the red carpet go for full time...but just remember, that will get old too...the publishers will talk about you too, if you become a pioneer, look at her, she just starting coming to the meetings and out in service now she is a full time pioneer, haters...you will never please the friends, but if that's the type of person you are that is a crowd pleaser and needs validation all the time, for any little thing...then stay a witness..I'm not saying all this to put you down I'm trying to help you help yourself, to find your motives.
I've so outgrown being a witness, I feel my calling is more than just knocking on doors, most of my time is encouraging the congregation, because some of them are so down and out...so for now, I have this delusion that some of them need me, because I'm easy to talk to and don't judge...but again, I feel I have a different calling....I want to leave but yet stay, because I have made some nice conditional friends....for now....if I leave I will miss them but since they were only my friends because I was a witness...to be honest....no lost...I'll be sad, but I did keep my friends that are not witnesses...
Lots of luck on finding your path...as someone said, this site in avail. 24/7....It has helped me in so many ways, I'm not that great of a writer as some are on here, I'm not to phlylosophical as some are here....I'm just say what I say....can't even spell the word...phly....LOL...Again, this is a great site for venting, even if you can't leave the org. right now, you see things, and sometimes you think you are crazy or spiritually weak, this site helps.
Tor (again)
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scratchme1010
I don't even feel like going out in the ministry....because why preach about something with a group of people that pretends to be your best friend when you're not a witness so you can join the group.. but yet when you become a witness they're no longer your best friend?
Hello. My two cents. As others have mentioned, follow your conscience. I'd suggest not to make drastic decisions. I know that it's overwhelming having all this awareness, but you have been there for many years now, so undoing that is a process, regardless of what you decided to do (I have known of others who feel that way but decided to stay JWs).
Many of us know exactly what you're going through. I hope you can find some comfort and a place to express your thoughts freely here in this forum.
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Mum
Yes, Christina, we've all seen the "love bombing" turn to self-righteous harassment.
I recently watched a TED talk by a young Muslim woman who grew up in Norway. Her father wanted her to be accepted by the white culture, so he decided that the only way that could happen would be to make her famous. The two ways he considered to become famous were through sports or music. He chose music. When she was seven years old, all of her toys were taken, and she was given a small Casio keyboard and began learning to play. She had experienced attacks of hate from white people, but, after becoming a somewhat well-known musician doing public performances (while still a child), she started being attacked by Muslim men as well. They would say things like, "You're making our daughters think they can do anything they want!"
What I'm saying is that JW's are not the only ones who behave this way. But they are the ones who did it to us. I hope this experience is making you a more compassionate, caring person. If you need to make changes in your life, just do it. If you need to talk to a professional counselor, do so. Do what you need to do to make yourself happy. Best wishes!
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Vanderhoven7
My two cents: Throw out the bathwater (religion). Keep your faith/ relationship with God and His Son.
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cofty
Keep your faith/ relationship with God and His Son
Why?
Better to pursue a life based on evidence. Faith is not a valid basis for determining what is true. Losing your faith is a disconcerting process but I have never regretted it.
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Math2561
I am new to this forum .... actually , .I am a JW .2 years . I have never been so disappointed with "my brothers" . Some non -JW are really nice people . .... Religion doesn't change anything ..... I don't want to be JW .