This is how it was

by SheilaM 14 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Xandria

  Shelia,

  I can so relate to all of it too. It is not easy to put your story into words. An the truth of the abuses suffered still sting. I have not gotten around to really putting it all down. Besides I really don't think people on this board would believe me, if I did. An the last thing I need from any one is to be called a liar when and if, I decide to tell my story. OR even worse argue with me about it. Because it is not up to them to decide wheither it is right, wrong, or true. Does that make sense?

  I have seen a lot of people use things against others in the heat of a arguement or a failed friendship, and even flame wars. So in that thought it is hard to just let out and trust. Lest it be used against you later. I have had enough people betray me in my own family. I have given glimpses.. but never the full story for that very reason.

  Lady Lee has recieved a bit of the my history. I could not lash out or stop the person harming me. Nor did the adults around me protect me and CPS certainly failed. As far as they were concerned, as long as it was a shack and I ate rice every day I was being cared for. It is sad, that some will not stand up for a child and allow the abuse to go on or are afraid to get involved.

  You are right about how a child see things. Children can look at things with great understanding and shocking wisdom at times. Just by being simply a child. It is sad that a parent cannot always see through their children's eyes. I think that is what angers them at times... they see how they really are and they want to kill that ugliness. But instead of changing it from the inside out. They beat the messenger. ( thier child). Instead of taking the responsiblity for who they are, they project it on to the child. An expect the child to love them unconditionally regardless of how they treat them. Anway..

  I applaud your courage Shelia in at least addressing this. Hope to read more.

  Xandria
• 

  SYN

  Good post Sheila!
• 

  LyinEyes

  I enjoyed your post Sheila,and it also took me back to my very young years. I remember those stockings,,,,,,,,omg, i just had a memory from them, just this very second as I write this. I have to tell it because I cant believe I forgot this.......it's kind of funny. My sister had a yellow pair and I had a red pair, we are playing house as usuall but since our mom always cut off our hair,,,,,,,,we put the stocking on our heads and pretended to have long ponytails ,,,,,can't ya just picture how goofy we must have looked? I have to tell my sister about this tomorrow, she is gonna die laughing.

  But,I was glad to have those darn thick stockings on for those cold days in field service, with long johns hiked up to the knees on, so no one would see them. Funny how ugly they were and we didnt even know it back then.

  I can relate to so much you said in your post,,,,,,,,,about no one telling you why, about anything you thought of,,,,,,,Maybe we were too scared to ask, or bother our parents, for fear they may actually speak to us,,,,usually that wouldnt be a good thing,,,,,,,silence was a killer thou.

  It seemed growing up, I was in my own world , not because I wanted to be , but who eles was there to listen to me,,,,,,,I had so much energy and questions and wanted to do so much. Many times I was locked in my room for many hours, at a young age my mom was addicted to pain pills, so she slept forever it seemed. In fact many of my memories from the ages of 4 to about 9 are very vague of her. I can remember her doing things, some bad memories , sad things, but not much communication and I swear I can think of a time she hugged me in those years, or snuggled me, or sat by me ......nothing.

  I think that is why I drive by kids crazy with hugs, telling them I love them often,laughing with them, listening to them into the wee hours if need be,,,,,,,,,,,, just so they can say,,,,,,,Mama was there....not just physcially but emotionally especially.

  ((((((((((((((((((((((((((SheilaM)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
• 

  SheilaM

  Besides I really don't think people on this board would believe me, if I did.

  ((((((Xandria)))))) You know I understand, I want to send this to my sister Shirley but she has such a different view of how we grew up. See 13 years changes people sometimes for the better sometimes the worse. She can't fathom my life anymore than I can look at pictures of family dinners and understand hers. Please, put your thoughts down it took me forever to share mine with people. But, this forum has given me the confidence. Also, anyone that should be negative to what you have to say I'll kick there butt OK IF you want to write and send it to me privately my email is [email protected]

  BigTex: Thanks as always

  Syn: Thank you

  just so they can say,,,,,,,Mama was there....not just physcially but emotionally especially.

  Lyin: That is what counts I know I tried so hard to BE THERE for my kids, when I was sick I wasn't in 2000-2001 but I know I was there for them cause they were really pissed when I wasn't. Keep up the good work, I know it's hard cause you are giving something you never received but the rewards are priceless. (((((((DeDe)))))) We have so darn much in common huh some good WildT Thunder Some bad my Moms problems and your Moms

  the story about your tights was so funny LOL Never did that LOL Cut some up thoughLOL
• 

  SheilaM

  Besides I really don't think people on this board would believe me, if I did.

  ((((((Xandria)))))) You know I understand, I want to send this to my sister Shirley but she has such a different view of how we grew up. See 13 years changes people sometimes for the better sometimes the worse. She can't fathom my life anymore than I can look at pictures of family dinners and understand hers. Please, put your thoughts down it took me forever to share mine with people. But, this forum has given me the confidence. Also, anyone that should be negative to what you have to say I'll kick there butt OK IF you want to write and send it to me privately my email is [email protected]

  BigTex: Thanks as always

  Syn: Thank you

  just so they can say,,,,,,,Mama was there....not just physcially but emotionally especially.

  Lyin: That is what counts I know I tried so hard to BE THERE for my kids, when I was sick I wasn't in 2000-2001 but I know I was there for them cause they were really pissed when I wasn't. Keep up the good work, I know it's hard cause you are giving something you never received but the rewards are priceless. (((((((DeDe)))))) We have so darn much in common huh some good WildT Thunder Some bad my Moms problems and your Moms

  the story about your tights was so funny LOL Never did that LOL Cut some up thoughLOL