Upbringing

punkofnice

I was brought up as a born-in(tm) here in the UK.

It wasn't until I was 50 that the scales fell from my eyes, I woke up, got DA'd from the cult and my wife was advised to leave me by the Elders whom I had served with on the BOE. One of which I know wanted to schtupf her. He died. I hope it was agony.

My dear old Dad became a Jobot after he was de-mobbed from the Marines (WW11), and was in quite a vulnerable state.

Yet still, even to this day, although I miss my Dad, I do hold a sort of resentment that he thought it was best for me to be a Jobot.

50 wasted bloody years.

I guess what I'm asking is, does it sound normal that I hold this resentment and am frustrated that I can't explain to him?

PS. I'm in the UK, we don't do all this 'therapy' schtick. We generally put up and shut up this side of the pond. Stiff upper lip and all.

joao

Yes, I guess it is normal that you feel that way. But, please, do your best to move on. We can't ever forget nor recover the years we lost, but we can live our lives happily and help others to do the same! 🙏

Biahi

Yes, you are perfectly normal. I feel the same, I had a lost childhood. And, all for nothing. And, I left at 23, not 50. Hugs to you, Punky. ☺️ We deserve 💵 from this evil cult.

truth_b_known

PunkofNice:

I know I do. It was worse in the past. I do take solace in the fact that more Witnesses are quitting. I had Witness friends in high school who are now our age. Their kids all stopped being Witnesses right out of high school.

I have a close friend who got our long before I did. He is uber resentful. He wants to file lawsuit against the Watchtower for all his time that was spent in the door-to-door ministry as a child.

I think it is natural. It is more of a matter of how much it is interfering with your ability to enjoy life now. Some time it does require some sort of resolution.

I haven't explained anything to my own father. I just made it clear in recent history that I will never be one of Jehovah's Witnesses again.

luckynedpepper

i too am 50. I've really come clean with my waking this year, but it did begin as long as 10 years ago.

I dont know how much time has past since 50 for you, but it does seem like you are carrying a lot of anger. Perhaps that is when you are making a point, or and need to get your feelings out. I feel like i am moving past it already. Do you feel like your feelings have improved at all since waking?

DesirousOfChange

50 wasted bloody years.
I guess what I'm asking is, does it sound normal that I hold this resentment and am frustrated that I can't explain to him?

Sounds about like our story (wife & me). Both born-ins. My father even took an early departure from the military (and the pension he would have gotten) because, well, you know.........Armageddon was "right around the corner" and he didn't want to be on the "wrong side". Mom is still in. Which is a good thing for her situation. Her friends are there.

As far as anger/resentment against my parents -- I can't say I have any. They were wanting to give their kids (me) what they felt was the best circumstances for the future. Sure they were misled and misguided, but can you hold them at fault? I was slow to awaken and I live in the age of the internet. They didn't have websites or CoC available at the click of a button. They only had crazyass apostates (Evil Slave, they were called then) marching around at conventions with placards. (You think everyone would have found better ways to help awaken others today.) They did they best they could with what information (or lack of it) available back then. (I do kind of resent whoever gave/sold great-grandpa the Studies in the Scriptures.)

OTOH, my wife's parents bailed after the failed 1975 prophecy. Yet, they supported/encouraged their kids who remained active JWs. Now THAT is pissy! Evidently (WT TM), they saw something long before we ever did. WTF didn't they share all that with their kids who assumed that they just didn't want to live the JW lifestyle (smoking, drinking, etc). Yes, she has some resentment when talking about that.

The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!

Gorb

In was 25, when the "this generation" change opened my eyes. Became PIMO. Full fade since 2008.

My feelings are in balance. See the good things of the cult, the "education" became a good speaker, our family had a good and balanced view.

Since I noticed all the changes in the 90's, it was not longer the belief of my 4th generation family.

Later on I did the research on Hourglass, xjw.org, the Franz books and could not "obey" the GB anymore.

Did a lot of higher education and became succesfull in the business and now a manager at higher level.

So a "balanced" view of our history in the cult.

G.

DarleneGatus

I've come to the realization that the probable reason that I ended up in the JW religion was that I come from a rather dysfunctional family. Not that I'd blame my parents exactly, because they came to Canada seeking a better life from a Europe where they suffered the effects of war and starvation. Parents can't give you what they never had themselves, now can they? So many of us came to what we hoped was a warm and loving religious community to have our unmet needs met and hoping for the security of a personal relationship with an almighty God.

I put off having children because I was trying to be a good JW but at the age of 49 I had to wake up to the fact that the religion was harming my sons and I had wasted the best years of my life.

As a single mum, I can't see myself paying $200 an hour for therapy so I've been reading a fair bit and am slowly coming to terms with the issues that led me to that dysfunctional religion in the first place. Am I the only one who sees the JW leadership as more and more narcissistic over the years, in terms of a GB that is more out of touch with the needs of ordinary people and families and more grandiose than ever?

For more information about narcissistic traits, I would recommend the following as quite helpful:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V87G95bGTTk

One thing the therapist says in this video that really resonated with me was that prolonged exposure to people with narcissistic traits is harmful to your mental health in the same way that exposure to second-hand smoke is harmful to your physical health.

Would anyone else here be interested in a new discussion thread on narcissism in JW leadership?

(BTW, so sorry, punkofnice, that creepy elder you reference sounds narcissistic to me.)

FedUpJW

Am I the only one who sees the JW leadership as more and more narcissistic over the years, in terms of a GB that is more out of touch with the needs of ordinary people and families and more grandiose than ever?

No, I do not believe you are. They are getting more bold about speaking out of both sides of their mouths and being extremely opinionated. Think of Tight Pants Tony spouting off in his arrogant high pitched whiny voice about how if someone doesn't like what he is saying they can, "Take it up with my brother, Jesus!" and sadly the rank and file just slurp up whatever bile spews out of the mouths of the governing body and their helpers.

Zilgee

People in dark ages were subject to inquisition when religion controlled them fully. Atleast we are better off. Congratulate yourself for taking the courage to leave jw and start over again. There are so many who are still in there more sadder and depressed.

Upbringing

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