Divorce/Terms of Agreement (page 2)

carla

Get an attorney willing to learn about jw's and child custody, manipulation, abuses, etc...

go here as well-

Don’t Allow Your Children To Be Turned
Against You!

Giordano

"Long story short the JWs have created a void in our relationship and I have filed for divorce for a couple reasons, but I'm worried about the JW upbringing being inflected on my daughter. "

Since you are going to have some type of joint custody you should come out of this in decent shape. And have the privilege of helping your daughter to think for herself.

However what is a more serious influence are the personal friendships she may make in the Kingdom Hall with kids of her age who come from serious JW homes.

The counter to this is to encourage her to make friends at school and also get involved in after school monitored events. If she has a foot in both worlds she will have an opportunity to think for herself.

The JW's are terrible with children it's just not their nasty pedophile problem but their call for a life time of obedience to whatever they can dream up.

It doesn't sound like her mother is going to function on her own......nor stay committed to the strict beliefs of the JW's.

If the subject of getting baptized comes up do mention that Jesus was thirty years old when Baptized.

There is a bunch of stuff we can discuss based on so many of us who had to deal with and survive the JW world.

P.S. You need to talk about the JW ban on blood transfusions in your custody agreement and need to be immediately notified if she needs a life saving transfusion.

caves

I'll be implementing this clause into our agreement.
"Accordingly, the Mother and Father shall not directly or indirectly influence (child) so as to estrange them from the other parent. Each parent shall also not do anything that might prejudice (child) against the other parent or impair their regard for the other parent. To further support this commitment, each parent shall do everything in her or his power to prevent any of their respective family members from doing or saying anything might prejudice (child) against the other parent or impair their regard for the other parent."

How could the courts possibly come up with real "proof" to enforce this? You'd have to literally be a detective 24/7. May as well stay.

This situation sucks. Unless your wife/ex wife wakes up and leaves the jws she will sneak all around this. Its part of the programming. Which is well in place since she has "gone back to get reinstated so her friends can see her daughter."

I did what your wife did. Personally, I was dfed for marrying out of the "truth". Went back for my son and support. All it did was drill the brainwashing in even further into my head. Point being, your going to have to get ruthless. It sounds like you may have a glimmer of hope about the possible "honest" intentions or kind nature about jws. The culture breeds and has a certain thinking that once you are out of the immediate picture , you are nothing more than the walking dead, that legally she ,your soon to be ex, will have to let you see your daughter. Twist, the custodial parent may /can and could take you back to court at anytime and come up with her own list of amendments, ect, rendering the "clause" moot. Yet in the eyes of jws its already moot.

You will have to fight to get anywhere or even remain in a position to see your daughter at all.

There is however another route, but its drastic and I don't know which country you live in , to see if you could get away with it legally (I'm in the US). It probably would work just about anywhere. I wish I would have done it with my son sometimes. But I learned of it years later. You would have to have balls of steal man to do it. But if keeping you daughter safe from the jws is important to you, because they WILL teach her that you are dead basically, then pm me. May need more content first though.

Conversely, I don't mind typing it out here if others want to know , that might be in a similar situation. Warning: its all kinds of messed up yet legal in the US at least. I lost my battle due to not knowing I could have done this , doesn't mean others have to lose theirs.

Ding

The WT won't honor any non-estrangement clauses you put into a divorce decree.

If you try to enforce it against your wife, she'll say, "I'm not doing anything but practicing freedom of religion and raising my daughter in the faith. I don't control what's said by the elders or from the platform."

carla

You could let her know that if she insists on bringing kids to kh then you will be bringing kids every other weekend to various faiths of the world. One week will be Catholic, Temple, Hindu, Protestant and so forth....

Do not trust a jw to adhere to any agreement unless it is stipulated by a court of law. In order for a court to recognize that the jw's are in fact harmful to children you will need a good attorney and a child psychologist and possibly a cult expert. This is no joke. Many on this board have lost their children to the borg by trying to be a nice ex spouse and not make things more difficult. Tear that bandaid off and protect your precious child/children now. It's your job as a parent.

Biahi

Don’t know your child’s age, but being a JW child SUCKS. Chances are, this child will not remain in the faith, as 2/3 of kids raised JW leave. Show your child unconditional love, and the good life outside of the organization.

stan livedeath

The only ones coming out ahead will be the lawyers. My d/f son has burned 40k..so far..on legal costs to try to retain contact with his kids...to no avail. Lots of ex wives use the cult as a means to keep the kids and screw their ex husbands.

hybridous

Don’t know your child’s age, but being a JW child SUCKS. Chances are, this child will not remain in the faith, as 2/3 of kids raised JW leave. Show your child unconditional love, and the good life outside of the organization.

Good comment! Now, the successes are pursued and attained via the LONG GAME. Got to apply LONG TERM THINKING in dealing with your kid.

caves

@carla -You could let her know that if she insists on bringing kids to kh then you will be bringing kids every other weekend to various faiths of the world. One week will be Catholic, Temple, Hindu, Protestant and so forth....

That move could quite possibly end all contact with his child. I've sen this card played way to many times with disastrous results. Jws do not play fair! At. All !!! At best he'd be labeled as 'under demonic influence', and as such the child probably told to pray privately non stop while in your care. Or something of that nature. What a way to make the child have mental issues on top of navigating mommy and daddy's divorce.

@SFSDGUY - I have a some questions.

1. Do you have a family beyond your wife and child, meaning a support system?

2. Do you realize, based on what you wrote, the gravity of your situation?

3. What does your wife say with words and between the lines about shared custody?

4. Has she openly judged you about not joining her in the "truth"?

caves

@SFSDGUY- You wrote -Long story short the JWs have created a void in our relationship and I have filed for divorce for a couple reasons, but I'm worried about the JW upbringing being inflected on my daughter. We are currently in the process of divorce, and trying not to get a judge involved.

Not getting a judge involved? That can backfire in so many ways. Someone will have to pay childcare. Courts usually do not honor verbal child support agreements, and that's just the beginning. Whether you like it or not the courts WILL get involved. At least do some research man. The consequences of not knowing exactly what you dealing with will knock you down. The cards are stacked against you on both sides. I'd really hold off trusting doing this yourself with a jw soon to be ex-wife, coming out okay and it all working out in the wash. I guess you haven't experienced the 'jw flip a bitch, in a nano second' scenario.

This makes me sad. I smell trouble.

Divorce/Terms of Agreement

Share this