I think the CO just knocked on my door. (page 2)

schnell

But hey, the upshot of calling us brothers and sisters is to replace family members who leave the Borg. I'd tell the groups that, too.

I know, I'm being deliberately over-optimistic and snarky. In reality, I'm just not answering the damn door.

Finkelstein

You don't have to play by their rules and regulations.

You actually have the choice to exploit those same rules for own circumstances

is the best way to go, in other words theoretically turn the table onto themselves.

In all seriousness, if the elders cared about my family or our associating with one another as family, they wouldn't have disfellowshipped my brother after he gave his wife the divorce and then baptized her in the midst of that divorce when nobody else was up for baptism.

They literally put their precious numbers ahead of my family. So, yeah, even on a personal note, fuck them.

Finkelstein

if the elders cared about my family or our associating with one another

The truth is they don't, they are power seeking individuals who are quite apathetic when families are broken apart and this concerns their own families if need be.

Conditional love comes first and foremost and the Elders are there to enforce that among members.

schnell

Well, it wasn't JWs. Phew.

I stepped out for my Saturday afternoon walk, and this fell at my feet.

scratchme1010

I really don't want to talk with them. Is there a chance I'll be announced as "no longer one of..." after he's left if I don't?

I think you shouldn't either way. The WT has no power or authority over you. None.By now I'm quite sure you have to be aware that their efforts to reach out to you have nothing to do with your well being. They may just want to check the box, or as many of them, they just want to have the last saying. They hate hate hate people leaving and cutting ties with them in their own terms.

Well, that is the rational part. However, I'd like to ask you, do you feel that there are unfinished business between you and them? I ask because on one hand you are not answering the door, but on the other you are mentioning things you'd like to tell them.

I know that as we build confidence and a life outside the WT we become less and less interested in whatever they have to say, so I guess I'm asking where do you feel you are in relationship to them as of now? I think that matters since the degree of attachment (or detachment) does affect your reaction to them.

schnell

However, I'd like to ask you, do you feel that there are unfinished business between you and them? I ask because on one hand you are not answering the door, but on the other you are mentioning things you'd like to tell them.
I know that as we build confidence and a life outside the WT we become less and less interested in whatever they have to say, so I guess I'm asking where do you feel you are in relationship to them as of now? I think that matters since the degree of attachment (or detachment) does affect your reaction to them.

In relation to them, I feel that I've outgrown them and seen them for what they are. Rationally, I know they'll continue on. I'd prefer to be left alone and for them to go away, and failing the former, I'd love a conversation with someone rational and curious who'll listen but I won't proactively seek it out in person. In all probability, I know it won't happen. They all seem tied up in the cult.

At the same time, I lost all my friends I had for years. So many nights out, so many battle scars, so many drunken adventures, and now that we're all married off, I'm cast out because I pointed out the cult. I bring up that we are married off, because newly wed JW men can get downright obnoxious with zeal. Suddenly, everyone wants to reach out and be an elder. I can remember conversations we had before they were married when these same friends expressed hesitance and reluctance at reaching out. Now they're all zealous, and at possibly the most academically anorexic period in Watchtower history. Way to go, gents.

A loss is a loss. If I opened my mouth to talk about the weather, they probably wouldn't listen to me now. Naturally, I'm trying to fill that void in other areas (online, at work, etc.). Is that unfinished business? Oh, it's just a set-up for a future adventure, whatever that may be.

Sorry

At least in my cong, every time the CO comes to visit, all of a sudden there's a need to do a "shepherding call" on the inactive or "spiritually weak". I know this for a fact because my best friend's father has been inactive since before I met them (which was nearly a decade ago), and every. single. time. the CO comes, they stop by their house to check on him. He's the KH social pariah and they wouldn't be caught dead glancing his way any other day, but they put on show whenever the CO visits. Since attendance has sharply declined in my hall and they can't blame it on the new KH being built anymore, it seems like it's their mission to speak with faders.

Depending on your reputation/how long you've been out, they'll probably just ask if you have considered returning to the hall and leave it at that. They don't even pry with my best friend's father anymore. If you are more well-liked or if you just left, keep your responses brief and deflective. Yes, he's actually discussed this with me before (he's advising me for my fade hilariously enough)

scratchme1010

A loss is a loss. If I opened my mouth to talk about the weather, they probably wouldn't listen to me now. Naturally, I'm trying to fill that void in other areas (online, at work, etc.). Is that unfinished business? Oh, it's just a set-up for a future adventure, whatever that may be.

In my probably unwanted, unasked-for opinion, sounds more like part of the process of reducing their influence to the minimum. That's not unfinished business. If there's no need for you to communicate and can let them go, considering that the conversation with them that many of us would love to have will never happen, doesn't seem like unfinished business.

I felt the same way when I started going to college and I'd hear people talking about the clubs they belonged to in high school the extracurricular activities they were involved in, the number of experiences that they all had that i never did. Looks exactly like what you describe about your friends that you departed from.

A few decades later now, looking back I realized two important things: (1) When I started taking a closer look at the realities of many of those people, not everything was great and fun. There were social pressures, family issues and a number of things that were not as great as they claimed their lives were, and (2) Most importantly, I now have a history with new friends, new experiences and pretty much an entire life that I now have after leaving.

How we move on and what we do really can help create an entire new wealth of good people and experiences.

schnell

Thank you, scratchme1010. You, I consider an online friend.

I think the CO just knocked on my door.

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