Back to the Basics

Mystery

If for the most part others are done with their arguing i have a sincere question.

My family has been going to a church for about a year. For awhile it was every Sunday, until I found and began reading this forum. Then my mornings were taken up with reading. I will never join a church again, but this preacher impressed me. Why?.... really isn't relevant.

Point is: this morning I got up and decided to go to church (we haven’t been in about 3-4 weeks because 1) my kids had spent the night away and we (me & hubby) slept late or we relaxed with no children around etc… Regardless we hadn’t been in a few weeks.

Anyway I get up this morning, with both of my sons home on a Sunday morning, wake them up and announce that we are going to church. Granted we had not been in several weeks. My 15 yr old said he was not going. He told me that since I did not believe in all of their teachings why in the *ell should he go? My husband, who is typically on my side, off to the side, tells me that my son is right. Yes, he is right, but I feel my sons should be, at least, exposed to religion. Since I do NOT know what to believe myself about religion I understand this.

So my question, what do we teach our children when we do not know what to expect of religion ourselves? What do we teach our children about God when we do not know ourselves? I do absolutely believe that they know of the Bible and God. I can not believe in atheism; But my son, is right in the account that “I don’t know what I believe”. How do "we" (I) teach our (my) children when “we” (I) don’t know what to believe ourselves?

Someone share with me; What do teach our children?

Simon

dunno / not sure.

Our littlest one went on a school trip to a church last week. He thought it was (and I quote) "rubbish and boring"

I think I'll tech them about the concept of religion and what people believe and why but also the dangers of religion and to use critical thinking to decide things for themselves.

It will probably be from an angle of "this is what some people believe" rather than "god is ..."

outoftheorg

Take those things from religious beliefs that you feel are good and useful. Teach these things to ones self and your children and ignore the rest. Then live this way of life in front of your children. Your acts will mean more to the children, than anything you teach them.

Consult among your selves as to what ideas and beliefs will make a person into a good person.

Include the children in these discussions and decisions and these beliefs will become their own.

One can add to or take away from these decisions as this progresses.

I wish I had done this for my children instead of being in the borg.

Outoftheorg

Mystery

but is it enough with "just mom" telling/discussing this with them? I have come to the understanding that "what mom says" just doesn't count. A friend of mine told my son the same thing that I have been telling him for months!! and it is like it is the first time he had heard it! Am I enough in teaching my sons about God? I can't ask my sons to believe a certain religion, becasue I believe in no religion myself. I have taught my sons in the "golden rules" but will this be enough for when they leave? Will I have taught them enough to know right from wrong?

They know right from wrong; if it can be stated that way. No stealing, no killing, respecting others etc.... but is this enough?

Mystery

I guess seeing who comes out on top (which no one will) is more important than the basic of this website.

More replies are given to "he says; she says" than the basic concept of this forum.

Pretty sad. I guess I just thought finding peace between X-JW's was the ultimate goal.

Our children are just now as important in our opinion of what was meant by whom.

Thank you Simon and outoftheorg, you gave me good suggestions.

I will/am trying this. I will just have to figure out a way so that they will listen. Thank you.

Aztec

Hi Mystery! This is sort of a problem in my little family as well. I'm a single parent of a wonderful 7 year old boy. I do not attend any formal religious gatherings and have managed to keep my son free of the repression it largely brings. My parents are witnesses and I allow him to visit them. Whenever he comes back from a visit he tells me about god and how much he loves god. I try not to interfere in his beliefs. I have considered taking him to a few differant churches, synagogues or whatever just to allow him to explore his beliefs a little. As he grows and matures I will share more of my experience with him but it will always be HIS decision on what he wants to believe. If I see him headed into something I see as dangerous I will, of course, step in and take action. I am the parent after all. :) ~Aztec

JamesThomas

"So my question, what do we teach our children when we do not know what to expect of religion ourselves? What do we teach our children about God when we do not know ourselves? I do absolutely believe that they know of the Bible and God. I can not believe in atheism; But my son, is right in the account that “I don’t know what I believe”. How do "we" (I) teach our (my) children when “we” (I) don’t know what to believe ourselves? "

Mystery, that is a very wise question. From someone whose search for God/Truth is taken most seriously, I would say first off don't confuse truth, or God, or spirituality, with religion. Theology and philosophy are simply mans ideas and concepts about truth. Kind of like a menu compared to the food. The ultimate Truth is alive, or better said it is Life. If I had young children I would be teaching them how to differentiate between being very open and present with this moment of Life, as compared to being lost in a mental interpretation of life. What the word "God" points to is not absent from this moment, right here, right now. But it is only through presence and openness that this beautiful Truth is experienced first hand. If we are lost in the minds interpretations, ideas, beliefs and concepts, then we are not present with Reality. It is not God that is absent, it is us. There is a book that I know of which has helped many relearn how to be present, and thus changed their lives: The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. I also know people who read it and have nothing positive to say about the book at all. This makes sense in that they were looking for truth in a book, where there is none. The Truth is in us. The book can only help us look closer at ourselves. Or not. I hope there is something here that you may feel helps you in some way. JamesT

outoftheorg

Mi Mystery.

In the raising of children, there is only so much a parent can do. This is decided in many ways, by the situation one finds themself in. Of course it ought to be easier if there is both a mother and a father. Then this depends on both being of like mind in dedicating time and effort. Ones financial situation and health and education and many other things enter into this.

I assume from what you posted, that you are a single mother. We can only do what we are capable of doing, at a given time in our lives. Don't let yourself get caught up in feelings of inadequacy when you ponder what to do. Just doing something, trying to do your best, fulfills your responsibilities. Again, we can not do more than we are capable of, at this time.

Display for your children, the kind of conduct you would like to see in them. Being kind, caring, honest, forgiving, understanding, truthful, LOVING, strict when needed. All these attributes, are not only found in religion, but also in the society we live in, as goals to adhere to. follow your instincts, use your common sense and these will serve you well. Remember that each child is an individual and will be what they want to be, as they grow into adults. We may not be pleased with what results. However if we have tried and done our best, we have no need to feel guilt. I can guarantee, that you will face some dissapointments, with your children. This will bring on the "where did I go wrong" thinking. Remember, that we are only human and will make mistakes. Again if we did our best and tried, there is no reason to blame ourselves for what others, "our children" do.

Religion can be a help or a hinderance, in the area of raising children. If you desire a religious backing in your life, find one you can agree with and use what works for you.

To me, you come across as being overwhelmed, by this question of how do I raise my childen correctly. Believe me, all of us were overwhelmed, at one time or another. We also will be pleasantly surprised at times by the good conduct and behaviour of our children.

Just hang in there and do your best. Wish you all the good times and best of life.

Outoftheorg

Ravyn

If the children are young, expose them to as many open points of view as you can. The Unitarian Universalists got this one down pat---those people celebrate EVERY holiday that has ever existed! LOL And they teach the origin and purpose of each one too and the 'sunday school' is always packed.! However, by the time 'children' are in their teens, there is not a whole lot left you can 'teach' them about religion, especially if you are searching. Now if you look at that from the other side...searching out your own spirituality and experiencing different religions yourself is the best lesson you can pass on to any kid. Spirituality should not be closed into a religion. It should be open-ended, exciting, satisfying, enriching. Let the teenager come into a religion if they want to, on their own schedules. You can of course watch out for the dangerous stuff that is out there, you know better. But certainly if a teenager does not want to have anything to do with a religion at this time in their lives---they are probably better off than the ones who get entrapped into cults. The age most fundy groups snag their converts is around 16. If you laid a good foundation with your children when they were young children, whether it was JWs or not, that is what will come back to them when the hormones and thrill of adulthood wears off and they need to talk to Higher Being... a very wise XJW mom of 4 once passed on this gem: just because YOU were committed to JEHOVAH as god when they were young, does not mean THEY were. Most of the time all they will remember is that you were committed to god.

Ravyn

Introspection

Hi Mystery,

To start off I would say no teaching can replace a loving parent, and seeing as how you care enough to ask such a question my guess would be you are one.

Who says that parents need to have all the answers, anyway? I would say maybe the most refreshing thing is a parent that is honest and humble enough to admit "I don't know" about something.

Other than that I think others have covered things pretty well here, my big thing is the love. In a way I don't think love itself can be taught anyway, it is like it's transmitted directly. If you have love for your children, even if they disagree with you at times I think that will ultimately shine through. Although I have never been a parent and may sound kind of naive for saying this, I do think it is the most important thing, and it's probably about as basic as you can get.

Back to the Basics

Share this