I have been to many of both. I have never been to a funeral where they actually spoke of the person as opposed to their religion's belief about the dead. My cousins funeral, who didn't go to a church of any sort was fairly personalized. All of his friends got up and said something about how he had influenced thier life. That was the only funeral I have ever been to where they actually spoke about the life of the deceased and not how the deceased was going to end up.
My first "Wordly" Funeral...
by confuzcious 13 Replies latest jw experiences
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Lady Lee
DJ when that time comes find a way for you to say your own goodbye. It would be perfectly acceptable to ask the funeral home director for a time alone with your father. Take it. If there are other non-JW family perhaps some of them would like some time for themselves too perhaps even arranging a short service of your own at a time convenient for you and others.
If your mother is still around and might be planning this I'm sure you will respect her wishes. If having time before the funeral service is awkward or impossible, have one of your own later. You could meet in a park or a favorite spot or even in your own home. Create something fitting to help you remember him.
When my father died (non-JW & non-believer) we approached a United Church. He knew upfront that my father never went to church and allowed us to design a service that met the needs of the family. Since my father was an abuser to everyone he knew we also told the minister we didn't want him up there saying what a good man this was. We didn't want to run him down but we needed some closure. The minister said a few words at the service - about 10 or 15 minutes - and then turned it over to us. No one wanted to do the eulogy so I did - honest but respectful and healing. It was a wonderful opportunity to bring some closure to this man's life and to a lot of the hurts he inflicted on people.
Different churches will handle a service differently. Some have more sermonizing; others talk more about the person and try to bring out the essence of the person.
Personally I have learned to take what I need and leave the rest
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oldcrowwoman
I am sorry you experienced the lack of concern and not acknowledging feeling with the loss of your friend. I find it appalling!!!! Whatever the higher or god gave each one us feelings to experience. We are not made to go around like robots.
Last night was a celebration of a co-worker life. She passed away week and a half ago. She died of breast cancer. She did'nt want a furneral. It was very empowering and a way to honor of each one of us and our connection with her. Burned candles. There was no mention of God or the bible.
Another co-worker passed away over the week-end, from suicide. His furneral is tommorrow out of state. That will be a more traditional funeral. Have'nt heard if they are having a celebration of his life at work.
A friend of mine who was DF'ed committed suicide. She was from out of town. A jw friend called me 3 weeks after her death. I was floored . She said "Well you would'nt have gone anyway". I said"No it would have been my choice" and it was all ready made for me. I was pissed. You know what? I would have definitely gone. The jws did not do the furneral. A DF'ed CO !! Of course their would'nt be any jw's there.
I thank whatever I'm OUT OF THERE!!
OCW
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Brummie
Brum, when my friend committed suicide, I was appauled when I was "counciled" for crying because my witness friend committed "self murder."
"self murder" This heartless label literally churns my stomach!
Tears are a healing for those grieving over loss, how dare they critisise ugh, imagine no one crying for a friend, it sounds so unatural. They are from another planet, a cold, unatural, uncaring place. Just thank God we all came back down to earth.
Brummie