I need to vent

by blindfool 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • blindfool
    blindfool

    I haven't posted much lately, I've been busy with so many things. I'm really pretty well adjusted to being part of a JW family, my wife and all of her family are JW's.

    Sometimes though, it really gets to me. These people who say they are so full of love. My mother-in-law takes care of my sick brother-in-law all by herself. She's over 80 years old and he can't leave the house. No one from the congregation visits or even offers to help. Both of these people have been babtised witnesses for many, many years. It seems so crazy that no one will even come have a bible study or bring a meal over. I guess all the witnesses are too busy out in field service looking for new recruits.

    My wife tries to help, but we have children and I work a lot, so she can't devote herself to her mother like she thinks she should. Now she feels guilty for that.

    Where is all the LOVE we should see from these true "Christians!!!???"

    There are times when I really do hate the Jehovahs Witness religion. I hate what it has done to my wife. I hate how she feels guilty for trying to further her education, or letting our children play sports. I hate how we can't go to a friends birthday party because some idiot in New York thinks its wrong. I really hate going to the memorial every year because if we don't, all hell will break loose with my wifes family. I hate being held hostage by this stupid so called religion.

    I do love my wife and my family and I know I can deal with this. I'll be OK in the morning. I just needed to vent tonight.

    Days like today remind me why some people call me "blind damn fool."

  • cruzanheart
    cruzanheart

    I know how you feel. In a way when my mom got Alzheimer's (and very happily started celebrating birthdays at the nursing home) and then my dad died, I had a feeling of relief and freedom because now there is no one who is a JW to whom I have to answer. If I don't go to meetings, no one gives a damn and I won't get that little follow-up phone call demanding to know where I was.

    Not that I wish death and Alzheimer's on your family -- I'm just saying that I know how you feel! Hang in there. I'm sorry about your mother-in-law -- is there a government agency that can help? You are right -- the JWs are completely loveless and lifeless with no regard for their fellow man unless said fellow has his butt in a chair at the Kingdom Hall.

    Lots of hugs,

    Nina

  • Sunspot
    Sunspot

    Hi Blindfool,

    Actually, you don't sound very blind to ME! You are "seeing" how the WTS REALLY works, which is exactly what started me on MY way out four years ago. That LACK of love...it GOT to me. I had been a good and loyal JW for 30 years, and then I had very serious health problems which kept me housebound for months at a time. At first it didn't bother me, not having anyone call or stop in, but as time went on and the ONLY "calls" I got were two shepherding calls not too subtley "reminding" me about not to be forsaking the gathering of ourselves together, and to be at more meetings (like I was CHOOSING not to be there), and THEN only phone calls for five months.....asking me how much TIME I had to report. It was the last straw.

    There's a lot more, but basically our home is on the main road TO and from the KH (we live in the country) and the 7 or 8 JW families HAD to go right past here to meetings and for service....and yet nobody thought to stop to see if I was dead, alive or missing, ya know? Some of my husband's (he's a nonJW) friends and their wives would call to see how things were going, and offer assisstance, or to bring me places--wheelchair and all, and MY so-called "friends" from the KH ignored me. It slowly began to dawn on me that something was DEFINETLY wrong with this picture.

    I remember sitting alone here late one night and sobbing after everyone was asleep, and asking ,"WHERE is the LOVE of these so-called "true" Christians? NON-JWs had more caring and compassion than a whole KH full of my "brothers and sisters". That's why what YOU wrote struck me so hard that I choked up when reading it....because I totally understand how you feel and asked myself that same thing almost to the word! I'd be willing to say we have a LOT of company that has felt the same way.

    I really appreciated what you said and how you said it....but I feel bad for you and your wife that you've had to go through this. It really hurts, and you don't deserve this treatment (neither did I). I "gave it" a few more months...just to see if anything would improve (it didn't) and I finally sat down and wrote to the P.O. and explained that since the congregation has seen fit to ignore me for all these months (except for the loving calls for my TIME) that I didn't FEEL very loved, and now I had some "thinking" to do, and it was MY choice, that I wanted to be left alone----no shepherding visits---no concerned phone calls---no nothing. MY choice (boy did THAT feel good! Scarey--but GOOD) And I have never looked back or been sorry for writing just what I did.

    So I want to send you and your family a huge hug....cuz SOMEBODY DOES CARE.....more so because I've been there.

    Love and hugs,

    Annie

  • SheilaM
    SheilaM
    Where is all the LOVE we should see from these true "Christians!!!???"

    This is why Thunder and I left "can't you feel the love" NOPE none there in all the one's we went to it was the same. Every religion I know of at least tries to bring dinners etc. When my neighbor almost miscarried her whole congregation made meals (she was ungrateful isn't that always the way) I understand the frustration and glad you can separate it from your feeling for your family

    (((((((Cruzan))))))

  • gumby
    gumby
    I do love my wife and my family and I know I can deal with this. I'll be OK in the morning.

    Do not think for a moment that you are alone in this feeling.

    Everyone who still has CLOSE family members (especially spouses) who are still in the organisation and you have come out of the organisation ...or at least know it's bogus..............DEALS WITH THESE FEELINGS.

    Some become overcome by anger and blow it, some can't handle it and leave, others deal with it. I too love my wife and choose to deal with it and live for the day to see the borg take a big shit and go down.

    Stick around awhile and you will recover quicker than if you go it alone

    Take care,

    Gumby

  • Joyzabel
    Joyzabel

    (((((((((((((((((((BDF))))))))))))))))))))) sorry *blushing -"some people call me blind damn fool"*

    Haven't seen you for the longest time here, BF. Sorry to hear of your frustrations. The JW's have a corner on the market when it comes to making their followers feel guilty. (just a corner, there are others out there that can do a good job too)

    Please reason with your wife about the guilt thing. She needs to care for herself and her immediate family.

    Point out to your m-i-l the real lack of community spirit to the "orphans and widows", or the needy, imho.

    You know you are not going to crack any armour, just hurt your head banging against the tin! So, let it go. Pity them and do what you want with your family. Put your foot down, as head of the house, and let your kids do sports, birthday parties and you go to the church you want!

    Hugs, good to see ya again.

    j2bf

  • run dont walk
    run dont walk

    I know where you are coming from, I come from a complete family of JW's and I was the first to get out.

    Most important point about the JW religion (and most others but, not all) is they prey on guilt feelings and fear (my mom is the # 1 example). They make you so scared to live (don't go to parties, no worldly association etc etc etc) and so afraid to die. When I told my family, If I die I die, they were appalled. You have 70-80 years on this planet, you can enjoy them, AND be a great person in society without the JW religion.

    I heard the education crap back in the 70's and 80's (and so has everybody else on this site, GUARANTEED), and was the Watchtower right ?????? NO .

    The fact that you are on this site, shows you are seeing the true colors of the congregations and the Watchtower in general. Hang out here long enough, and really think about some of the questions that come up and form YOUR own opinion, because in the end it is the only one that matters.

    -they make a BILLION dollars a year (yet charge kingdom halls interest and rent for assembly halls)(how do you charge rent for something you already own, that is like charging your family for coming over for supper.) (let's see mom and dad you had two steaks, potatoes, veggies, that $45.00 and then we have to wash the dishes so that's another $10.00.) like where is the logic

    -scare you with family shunning

    -make you feel full of guilt for no reason

    -constantly changing their doctrine (blood issue, 1914,working in war)

    -the whole time in the JW religion, as much as I hated it and questioned it, I REALLY believed the saying "that the generation that saw these things would by no means pass away", well guess what, after years and years or saying we are in the last days (and predicting in the 70's watchtower that it is unlikely we will see the year 2000)(check out for yourself), they decided in 2000 that the word generation was misinterpeted. Why did they say this because most of the people have died from 1914, how many 90-year old people do you know ???????

    What sent me packing was Jesus said "the end is coming like a thief in the night, and no one knows the day nor the hour.", yet the Watchtower in their 125 year history has made prediction after prediction. 1874,1914,1925,1935,1974,1975,1995 (new light),2000.

    What did they not understand "no one knows the day nor the hour", could Jesus make it any clearer !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    The other one was, I had been a bartender and they thought this was not an approiate job for me to have. Yet regularly the brothers who worked at General Motors, missed meetings because they were on shift work, but that was OK, I made the meetings but that wasn't good enough.

    Finally I let an elder have it (all readers use this line, it works great), I said " if you are so sure of yourself and everything the organization stands for, then quit your job, sell your house, sell your car and go into the full-time ministry, God looked after Job, he will look after you, do you have faith in God ???

    I feel for you, if it was just you and your wife, it might not be so hard, but with children as well, it is not easy. I would never tell someone what to do. So the best thing you can do is : investigate ALL the information from (1879 - 2003), find contradictions (keep a file on your computer), ask questions (see if the elders say you are being disruptive, and YOU should not question God's organization). And after that talk to your wife and family, ask them questions, ask them what they are so afraid of on this planet. You know the world may not be perfect, but we all have to live here.

    It's late and my brain is dying, So GOOD LUCK, feel for ya !!!!!!!!!!!

  • run dont walk
    run dont walk

    one other thing before I hit the bed.

    Have you noticed at the kingdom hall, everyone has their own little group.

    Unfortunately for your mother-in-law she is in her eighties, and problay most people she knew and grew up with are long gone. And no one at the kingdom hall really cares, except for their own little group.

  • Maverick
    Maverick

    Boy, you hit this one dead on. I was in a bad accident, after I recovered I started a series of operations. (I'm like the 6 million dollar man, they rebuild me better than before.) Over a dozen procedures in the next couple of years. I was an MS at the time and told two Elders that I was going in for surgery, they both changed the subject! I disappeared for six weeks and not one of the Brothers called or came by! I moved to a new Hall after that. That bunch was no better. The reason? The letter that was sent from the old Hall stating my lack of appreciation for meeting attendance! Took six months to be an MS there. What a bunch of fakes! Maverick

  • DJ
    DJ

    I can relate. My father has brain cancer and has had it for 2 years now. He is rarely visited by anyone from the cong. He needs 24 hour care and no one offers any help. My mom had to go into the hospital last week and noone of them even visited her! My opinion is that they are just too busy with meetings and service to please Brooklyn aka their God.....such a scam.

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