Not necessarily in order of importance:
Number One: Your Theocratic Ministry School had a "A", "B", and "C" school
then it had an "A" and a "B"
now it has only an "A"
Other Clues: many of the elder's wives aren't even in it. The Ministry School Overseer is tired of assigning talks
to sisters who won't show up because they "aren't speaking to each other".
Number Two: Your elders are mostly "zeros" - The original purpose of a zero is as a "place-holder". In this case, most of the
elders are "ministers -without-portfolio" who do nothing. This status is especially popular with elders who already
hold a title that is questionable - like being called "Doctor" as a chiropracter, naturopath, or herbologist. You won't
find these guys as Secretary or P.O. or Ministry School Overseer - because they involve regular attendance and
effort.
Another Clue: Note how many of the elders are gone nearly every weekend - doesn't help the attendance , does it?
Number Three: Your congregation is almost entirely attended by those related to the elder body. In effect, THEY ARE the
congregation! This is almost humorous as it creates a congregation that is almost "self-referenced- further isolating
it as a cult apart from any neighborhood it's in.
Clues here? Do much of the congregation have the same last names? If you wanna be an elder ( and you aren't
one of the local "nomenklatura", you and your family might be put under a magnifying glass , examining any thing
remotely critical. If you are Sister Welfare, expect that your kid will be quickly df'd for any infraction, while
Johnny Elderson gets away with everything.
Number Four: The Circuit Overseer is Upset ( newly appointed) or Quietly Resigned to the Fact that Nothing Will Change.(Wise Old
Timer) One of the funniest things that can happen is when a hothead C.O. wants to fire elders but can't because they are
all related - or strongly conspiratorial( good old boys / "made" men) OR NOBODY WANTS THE JOB!!!!!!! This later hilarity ensues
when Brother C.O. tells the body that Brother Accounts/Presiding/Secretary/MinistrySchool is out and everyone refuses the
assignment that's now open. They may actually turn on each other ( "I know Brother Next-To-Me can do it" - "No, I Can't!")
Number Five: Nearly all your bookstudies are held at the Kingdom Hall - because, of course, every elder's wife told her
husband - "NO WAY!". (See Feb KM for further details) Oh, Sister Welfare offered her tiny apartment
but that's in a dimly lit neighborhood that smells of urine and malt-liquor. Not a Good Idea.
Number Six: Your territory has disappeared. In some rapidly changing areas, a population may get pushed out by industry
or new homes may be "walled off" in private gated enclaves. The remainder get Witnessed - to- Death
( "You were here last Week!)
Number Seven: Your congregation is mostly "ghost publishers" - How do these people get their time in when you never see
them out in service? You may have "ghost pioneers" too. Somehow, hours get counted....
Another clue: Ministries/ visits to institutions vanish. Brothers stop going to Bible Studies in Nursing
homes and Jails because it requires real attendance.
Number Eight: Your Only Ministerial Servant has gray hair. Where's the elders of tomorrow? Where have all the young
gone? Once the deadheads die off, where's the team on the bench to take over?
Number Nine: The congregation has adapted to the exodus of young Witnesses. Everyone expects nearly every
Witness kid to leave or get df'd when their hormones kick in. Adaptation? Send 'em to college with
the threat that they have to 'stay in the truth'. Poorer familes MAKE SURE THEIR KIDS NEVER GET
BAPTIZED! This irks the elders - who can't do anything about it.
Elders' kids get baptized after Dad threatens that "if you aren't mature enough to get baptized, you may
not be mature enough to use the car!". It works - and being elders' kids, much of what they do can be covered up
(see number three)
Number Ten: Attendance slowly goes down - where's the elders on a weekend? Where are all these people who count as
publishers? They all show up for the Memorial and the C.O.! More Rice Christians in the "Truth"
Must be the influence of that dammed Internet.....
Have fun with these and add your own!
metatron