Consequences for having a non religious wedding ceraminy?

Addison0998

Hey I was wondering if maybe someone who is an Ex elder or who knows a lot about these things could help me. My dad is an elder but I need to be cautious with questions I ask. Now that I’ve been woken up from my brainwashed love of this corrupt corporation and from my belief in the Bible, and my fiancé is starting to wake up as well, I really don’t want to have the sexist, overused, impersonal talk outline used for my wedding ceremony by some elder who is trying to show off his talk giving skills. We still have to be part of the borg until we move away, and we are both very close to our families and don’t want to run off and elope. So I’m wondering, what would happen if we didn’t tell anybody, keep it hush hush, then hired a non religious ordained person to give our wedding talk. Do you think people would flip out, get up and leave? Would we get sent to the back room afterwards? Lol, maybe im being dramatic and paranoid. Do you think they would even care? It won’t be at the Kingdom Hall of course, and I will be moved out from my elder fathers house, so am I free to make this decision? I can’t find anything about it in the elder manual. But I live around a lot of gossiping, controlling witnesses who are a great representation of the borg. Anyways, I appreciate any help, thank you!

Finkelstein

As in giving a marriage talk in a Kingdom Hall ?

freddo

I think your main worry will be close family and their attitudes.

I know of a couple who I believe are still jw's who eloped in the middle of the night in the early 1980's, went to Gretna Green and married in a civil ceromony and came back to the hall. Fait Accompli.

I know another jw couple who did the same but went off to Paris!

All they got was a verbal bollocking but no reproof or anything. The last couple - he became a pioneer a year later and then a few years after that MS then Elder.

As far as anyone knows the above couples had "clean" courtships in jw terms too. Just didn't want the hassle of a formal jw wedding.

Also I knew of couples who were "dealt with" by elders for sex before marriage and so not allowed to use the KH and so had a civil non-religious ceremony.

JakeM2012

Personally, I think you've got it. I wouldn't want a cold dead wedding by the organization book and some Watchtowers written in the 1980's.

I believe with the fait accompli method that only questions can be asked and you can just give simple "none of your business" answers.

Just make sure you have credible evidence to indicate that it was not because of premarital relations or that she is currently pregnant, (unless you are Joseph fathering the Messiah) which means you have to come up with a plan.

Questions will be asked of you even if you have it at the Kingdom Hall, even the day of the ceremony the speaker can ask you if you have "done the nasty" and good lord don't touch her breast.;)

Personally, I kinda like the edginess of running off and eloping. You know witnesses, they will talk no matter what until something else is news worthy.

Basically, you can say, "we didn't want the emotional pressure, the expense, and so forth, so that we could concentrate on spiritual goals, "we are trying to keep our life simple so we can pioneer together", (I've learned what the real meaning of the term, "Pioneering together" means)

You might add that local weddings have become competitive to out do the other and you didn't want to further the competitive spirit in the congregation.

In ancient times a man would just walk through the streets with his wife without a ceremony, everyone would know they were now married.

Make sure your paperwork is together to make it legal. IF, thats what you want to do. Also, There is nothing wrong with having a private ceremony having a person, not necessarily an elder, give your formalities, and inviting only your family.

If you are not currently the object of some "investigation" by the elders for suspicious behavior you will be all right.

Personally, I would give you a greater wedding present if I didn't have to go. I never liked the weddings. They have banished the liquor, dancing, and music at the reception; and drinking with a suit on in your car like you are a teenager is a drag.

scratchme1010

So I’m wondering, what would happen if we didn’t tell anybody, keep it hush hush, then hired a non religious ordained person to give our wedding talk. Do you think people would flip out, get up and leave?

I've been out for decades and haven't followed up on what they have changed, but I remember a couple who got disfellowshipped simply for completing their certificate of marriage before the wedding.

A lot of things depends on the criteria of the local elders. It might be a risk, but if you truly want to leave after you get married, then in some instances you might need to go along with their rules to avoid being under their spotlight.

Is both of you leaving before getting married absolutely out of the question?

JaniceA

I had a lovely mildly spiritual vow exchange at the local justice of the peace. It was absolutely perfect and would not offend any believer (,and I'm sure he would have adjusted nicely if we were unbelievers.)

It got the job done. It was short, simple and sweet.

Still married!(So it worked, I guess😌!

OneEyedJoe

It's none of my business but I would urge you to put off the wedding until your fiance is FULLY awake at the very least. Might be good to wait until you're out of the cult and stable. Leaving the cult can lead to people changing in unexpected ways as they settle into their authentic selves. I wouldn't marry someone that hasn't been allowed to be themselves yet.

I wish you the best no matter what you decide.

Finkelstein

OneEyeJoe makes a good point , some couples who get married as supposed faders later on one of the couple decides they want to remain or return to the JW religion and one doesn't , which unfortunately ruins the marriage and they inevitably get divorced.

dbq407

just have the wedding at a place that you like and given by the justice of peace. Nothing can be done against you for doing so.

dubstepped

My younger brother and his wife got married at a little place by some sort of non-religious person. Elders were present, my dad and her dad. People would get married by the justice of the peace. You absolutely do not have to have a JW wedding. Just don't do it at a Kingdom Hall. Find a beautiful place that you both enjoy. Have it just you two and family, or whatever you want.

Consequences for having a non religious wedding ceraminy?

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