An unexpected Consequence

by 40wastedyears 20 Replies latest jw friends

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  JamesThomas
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  outnfree

  LOL @ James' artsy-fartsy(?) welcome!

  Hi, Glen!

  One of the signs of depression can be a lack of focus and desire to do any of the normal/usual activities of one's life. Perhaps you shouldn't discount the fact that losing your religion is a major life-changing episode, and that despite the glee of freeing oneself from WT shackles, you have suffered a loss.

  I think the taking an inside sales job tip was likely a good one, as well as taking the time to discover yourself. Perhaps some of that self-discovery could be spent in therapy as I imagine it's difficult to completely express yourself with a wife and in-laws who are still 'in'. Grief-loss counseling might be in order for your loss of identity since so much of who you were for 40 years was being "a Witness."

  Welcome to the Board,

  outnfree

  P.S. Please humor these old eyes and use a larger font size next post, won't you?
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  garybuss

  Hi Glen, Welcome! You wrote:

  As a JW it was impossible to have long-term goals because there was never going to be a long term.

  So right on! I was in the same boat right behind you, rowing like mad, getting nowhere.

  For me, life changed when my mind was freed from all the delusions of ghosts and gods and deemins and freed from the labor of living under the threat of impending doom. I worked like I was always being watched and judged. I was not satisfied with just making money and I changed my job and my style of living. Now I get satisfaction from helping others in a friendly way.
  
  My frenzied drive is gone, replaced with an awareness of my limitations and an appreciation of solitude and peace. I read more. I spend time with my sons and my friends. I reflect on what has worked in my life and what has not. I want to be remembered as a good guy. I want to be respected and I want to be missed when I am gone. Success is friends and security is health. Happiness is momentary and comfort is a living choice.
  
  Fear is the best motivator known to man and contentment looks a lot like laziness to the observer.
  
  Many of us had a low level depression lurking just under the surface in the first few years after we exited. If your enthusiasm and energy do not pick up pretty soon, you may want to have that checked out. Many of us used the energy, the mania of the Witnessism to mask unresolved grief or unresolved issues like abuse. Witnessism was like a drug to us and when we took it away we had to deal with those unresolved issues.
  
  Best wishes and I look forward to more of your posts. Gary
  
  
  

  The Way I See it http://www.freeminds.org/buss/buss.htm
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  DanTheMan

  Welcome to the board.

  I too am not the most focused and energetic person since leaving dub-land. I feel like I fell so far behind in so many ways during those 10 insulated and mind-dulling years I spent on JWism. I feel a little overwhelmed trying to catch up.

  I think Gary is right on the money. I know in my case, leaving JW's was just the first step towards recovering my sanity. I'm seeing a counselor regularly, we talk about JW stuff a lot but there's a whole lot of other things too.

  Take care and I wish you much success in your transition.
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  Ravyn

  Dear Glen,

  OutnFree nailed it! You are depressed! You don't have to feel sad to be depressed. A major life changing event is stressful even if it is good. Talk to your doctor about it, if this is the first time you have experienced this sort of thing than it may be able to be adjusted on a temporary medication. It may be as easy as just taking a pill, and contrary to popular belief--that is not always a bad thing.

  glad to meet you!

  Ravyn
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  DJ

  Hi Glen,

  I have no idea how you got your letters that tiny!! I think that perhaps many here won't be able to read your post so, don't feel ignored, please. I understand your lack of enthusiasm, it is a major change to leave the watchtower. The people in the world that we used to think of as evil unbelievers are starting to just look like regular folks at times and that, in and of itself....... blew my mind!! Have you considered what it is that you do believe now or have you hung up all of your beliefs? I ask because I was severely depressed at first (LOL, about 2 years)....because I didn't know what the bible really taught and I felt lost. l knew that the jw's were wrong but I also believed that everyone else was too, so I became isolated. For me, finding out what the bible really did teach was the key because I needed to find God. Once I understood that I felt free and happy again, but it was a real struggle....that's for sure. You have been lurking for a while so I guess that you know that there are differing beliefs here. We have all taken different paths. You will find yours too. love, dj Welcome!
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  40wastedyears
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  40wastedyears

  Hello all,

  Thanks for the many kind words and thoughts. I really appreciate it. A few notes and comments:

  1) I have no idea how my lettering ended up so small. It wasn't by design. I can hardly read it myself. Fortunately, I have a pretty good idea of what it says!

  2) I am not sure exactly what I am doing. When I posted, I did not see my topic in the list. I reasoned that since it was my first post, it might have to be reviewed before appearing. The last page was listed as 1800. For some unknown reason, I later clicked on "Active Topics", and not only was my post there, the number of pages was over 2500. Maybe someone could help me out here?

  3) Once I found the post, I saw several responses. Again, I thank everyone who cared enough to write. A big LOL to JamesThomas for the visual welcome. Very nice.

  4) Randy, your site is awesome! I spent about 5 hours there and will visit again. Very interesting and very informative. Keep up the good work.

  5) A couple of people felt that I may be depressed. I am not a psychiatrist, and I imagine it’s possible to fool oneself, but I don’t feel that I am depressed. After so many years of being taught to judge “outsiders” and non-confomers I have now adopted a laissez-faire attitude. I am not discontented. In fact, if anything I am TOO content. Too laid back. Am I irritated with myself for this lack of focus? Yes. In need of a kick in the pants? Probably. But depressed? I don’t feel that is the case.

  6) Some suggested inside sales. Funny thing is, my job would be classified as inside sales. In fact, basically just telephone sales. I own a small commodities brokerage and part of the job description is acquiring new clients. I excel at and enjoy customer service (which hasn’t suffered at all). Sales is not my forte, a necessary evil to me, but I have always been able to do it just well enough to get by. (For that matter, I never enjoyed, or felt particularly effective in service either.) It is in the acquisition of new business that I have fallen down on the job. A career change? Nothing’s impossible, but at 41 it wouldn’t be easy. Besides, other than the sales aspect, I love what I do. And of course, as a good JW, I certainly did not go to college and do not have a degree. A change I am at least considering is working for someone else. I think that part of the reason having my own business was so important to me was that as a JW, you have so very little self-determination in any other area of life. You are told what to think, what to do, where to be and when. Working for myself provided the only sliver of freedom that I had. But now, I no longer feel like a robot. I have self-determination in other parts of my life. Having someone to be accountable to, at least in the workplace, might not be a bad thing. Hard to say though. Has anyone made this transition? Any advice or experiences?

  7) I have taken up some activities. I joined a couple of softball leagues, which is a blast. I suppose that I am pretty selfish with my time, but not so much that I don’t feel some need to help others. Many, many years ago I signed up for a program that was designed to help others learn to read (RIF, I think?) But before I got started a “concerned” brother advised me that my time was much better spent out in service. After all, what good would it do for someone to learn how to read and die at Armageddon a few months later? Converting him to the only true church would give him forever to learn. In hindsight, if I had helped only one person, that person would have had the joy of reading for 20 years now. And Armageddon? Still just around the corner.

  8) Had to laugh at DJ’s reference to “evil unbelievers”. Honest to God, when I showed up for my first softball game, I was literally scared. I just knew that these people were satanic and that surely demons would be popping up at 2 nd base during the game. What I discovered instead is that they were just ordinary people, no different than me. Some I liked more than others, but that was true when I was an active JW too. People are people. Which goes to show you why the WTBTS does not want you to associate with anyone else. If you do, you can’t help but notice that they are no different. No better. No worse. Just people, and no more in line to be summarily dismissed by God than any other member of any other religious group. Or any atheist or agnostic for that matter.

  9) As for what I believe now, well that is in a transition state. I don’t ever see myself belonging to any other organized religion again. I have come to feel that one’s relationship with God is an intensely private matter, and while fellowship and more importantly, honest and open discussion, is a good thing, wearing the label of any particular denomination is not. I did read the “New Testament” (it still sounds funny to say that and not “Christian Greek Scriptures”) in 9 different translations. It was very enjoyable and enlightening. Many WT teachings became clearly farcical. At the same time, many questions arose, as well. Whether these questions can ever be reconciled in my mind, I don’t know. I will continue to read and study and try very hard to do so without any preconceived ideas.

  Well, I am rambling again. I will close, and wish to say thank you again for your words and thoughts. Lastly, to the person who sent me a message, I appreciate your thoughts. You captured many of my feelings (and in much fewer words). If and when I figure out how to respond, I will do so.

  Take care,

  Glen
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  unique1

  Yes the urgency to get things accomplished quickly due to other pressing needs has diminshed a bit, but I will live longer now that I am not as stressed out so I will have longer to get these things done.
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  kproscts

  Change is not always an easy process, I was reading your posting and at first thought I was reading my own? With the exception I was DF'd, I asked to many questions and had the "Bloom of Youth" thing happen(never had sex - just sins of the heart and made out). Anyway, I had the same as far as focus and it was my brother that got me focused, he was younger (5-years) and I was now raising him so I was focused like mad. He passed a few years ago and man that hit harder than the DF'd at 18 and life to go - and had no clue of the world. Recently I have realized it's ok to focus on myself but being someone who always enjoyed helping or working with others, I started spending time with the Big Brothers and it is pretty rewarding and I look forward to it. These kids just need someone to talk with and show them they care. It seems we had the same sense of feeling regarding the "counseling" that was being done and I would imagine you enjoy working with others as well. Maybe look into some local chapters of various organizations and I mean, retirement communities, kids homes, etc. In any event, enjoy your journey and I wish you the best.