When A Friend Lies....

pettygrudger

I have a question for you - what do you do when you catch a "friend" in a lie. I have a friend who I haven't known for a long time....and so far I have "caught" this person in 2 lies (no one on this board, or any board for that matter). Lies that weren't necessary. I believe they were told because this person didn't want me to see the truth, assuming I would "think" something bad. The lies weren't serious, but that's kind of what makes it so bad....if someone lies about little things, what will they do about the "big" things?

In all my life, I've always ended relationships based on dishonesty - I personally can't stomach it, and trust is difficult enough for me as it is. But for certain reasons, this one means something to me, and I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do I confront this person, or just let it go - or something else?

nowisee

a pathological liar is not going to change whether or not you confront him/her. so confrontation probably will not accomplish anything much.

is this person a casual friend? you may be able to go along and just consider the source when things are said.

is this person someone with whom you hope to develop a close relationship?? female or male? you should weigh this carefully. if it is someone with whom you hope to confide personal things you will never be sure a confidence is kept. if it is someone with whom you hope to develop an intimate relationship, you should realize that you may never be able to trust that person implicitly.

so you may want to consider the degree of friendship or the level of the relationship and go from there.

shera

Good GAWD I had my post done and I just have a new kitten in my home and he jumped on the Key board and deleted my post...lol I was just about to click on sumit post.....

Well lets try this again.

I would be uncomfortable having a freind like that and for myself, I cannot stomache lieing from adults too.

Its hard to trust people like that.,but I feel some people don't like who they are and lie about things just to make themselves seem more intersting and likeable. I deal with this woman and under circumstances I have to talk to her and I have caught her in many lies,just about everything she says to me I take with a grain of salt.I believe some people have mental problems and convince themselves that their lies are truth.Perhaps its habit to lie for some people.

pettygrudger

Thanks nowisee - I just hate dishonesty SO MUCH!!! I feel so angry with this person (and no - has nothing to do with an intimate relationship - that would make the decision easy). I know to keep it at a safe distance, but this person is pretty "acutely aware" of whether I'm distancing myself or not, and I have an impossible time of lying myself...or being very good at covering up my emotions.

Why do people lie to those they care about? It makes no sense to me. I can see telling a "white lie" to a girlfriend if her outfit makes her look atrocious, and you say its "okay - but I prefer the other" type stuff....but to out-n-out lie about nothing -blaaaggh!

rocketman

Your friend's name wouldn't happen to be Watchtower Society by any chance, would it?

starScream

pettygrudger,

it is refreshing to see someone who hates lies and dishonesty and much as I do.

Personally I make it my policy to NEVER lie. If a friend tells a lie to me to conceal embarrasment or something that isn't my business, I can forgive that. If they tell a lie because they swore to keep a secret I can forgive that also.

I'm not going to be friends with someone very long if they are just making stuff up especially for their own glory.

I think of the example of one former Met's coach that would tell 'Nam stories. One player in particular was so moved by his fibs he bought the man a Harley. Imagine the poor guy's heartbreak when the coach's wife who knew nothing of his stories revealed that the guy was never even in Combat.

To make a long story short that coach never coached again. No one will touch him.

rebel

Pettygrudger,

I have been lied about so often that I view it as an occupational hazzard. Don't let it get to you sweetheart. Some people thrive on telling lies and others thrive on listening to them. Just choose your friends carefully and remember that you derserve the best!

xxR

hurt

See, it's not true that if someone lies about little things, they'll lie about more important things. If a friend tells a lie that they knew wouldhurt you, that's bad faith. Some lies are told to protect the hearer;youmay not like this, but a good friend can have a good reason to do that. I will be careful with a friend who tells hurtful lies; and as friendship grows, the friend who lies to you will have to knwo you won't take it if you make that clear.

Tyler

Well, not knowing the nature of the lie or many details for that matter, it's hard to know. Here goes the benefit of my experience:

What friends I've had who have lied to me one way or another have also used me one way or another. Usually it has been money. Oh the lies I caught them out on had nothing to do with money, but on reftection they did tend to 'run out' of money on a night out and I of course had to pay their share of the rounds. Or more subtle things like expecting me to travel to them (costing money) but they always had an excuse not to travel to me, or something came up, etc.

Looking back I realised that catching them out on one or two 'little' lies was the warning sign for a flood gate of lies later on. My advice, make sure anything you have leant them is back in your safe keeping, and RUN LIKE EXPLETIVE DELETED

SheilaM

Don't tolerate liars well, not knowing the scope of what she was lying about, if it was ME I would probably distance myself. But I have friend issues

When A Friend Lies....

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