I know ur depressed. I have read yur posts, posted TO you, pmed you, I have really tried to reach out, but I can't help you if you don't respond to me, so I am not really sure what to say.
I know what depression is, all too well, so I am not blowing smoke up your azz talking from my azz. You are not going to lose it, but if you want help from me, you are going to have to answer my messages to you. There reaches a point where you HAVE to go to people who are reaching out to you, or at least reacho out to those you feel would understand. They can't fix it, but you would be surprised how much just discussing things can help. DEpression is an ugly black hole, and it is so freaking hard to get out of, but you CAN do it.
If you want to talk, I will listen.