Loo and behold! A great and wondrous sign appeared before me: a golden sea, brilliantly illuminated, clear as crystal, yet refreshing to taste. Beer!
Revelation 13
1 And the dragon stood on the shore of the sea.
The Beast out of the Sea
2 And I saw a beast coming out of the sea. At first it looked like the Lochness Monster but when I took a closer look he had ten horns and seven heads, with ten funny hats on his horns, and on each head a blasphemous name (like District Overbeer or monkeywhore). At that moment I realised that LSD and alcohol were not as good a combo as I had anticipated. The beast I saw resembled a beerkeg, but had feet like those of my granny and a matching mouth. The dragon gave the beast his power and his throne and great authority and finally a cucumber. 3 One of the heads of the beast seemed to have had a fatal wound, but the fatal wound had been healed. [The Prohibition: A law instituted by the Eighteenth Amendment (after the Volstead Act) on January 18, 1920, forbidding the sale, production, importation and transportation of alcoholic beverages in the Unites States of America. It was repealed by the Twenty-first Amendment on December 5, 1933 ] The whole world was astonished and followed the beast. 4 Men worshiped the dragon because he had given authority and his cucumber to the beast, and they also worshiped the beast and asked, "What is like a good beer? Who can fight it?"
5 The beast was given a mouth to utter proud words and blasphemies and to exercise his authority for forty-two months. 6 He opened his mouth to blaspheme Wine, and to slander his name and his dwelling place and those who live in France. 7 He was given power to make war against the saints and to intoxicate them. And he was given authority over every tribe, people, language and nation. 8 All inhabitants of the earth will worship the beast--all whose names have not been written in the book of non-alcoholic beverages belonging to the Lamb that was slain from the creation of the world. (Generally considered to be a bad move). 9 He who has an ear, let him hear. He who has an eye, let him see. He who has a finger, let him stick it up his nose. He who has an arse, let him get his arse down to the Amsterdamned Sinfest!
10 If anyone is to go into drunkenness,
into drunkenness he will go.
If anyone is to be intoxicated with the beer,
with the beer he will be intoxicated. This calls for patient endurance and faithfulness on the part of the saints. They will have to wait for the Saintsfest, some weeks later.
Behold! The True Prophet of the Dutch District Overbeer has spoken! Now, the true prophet will go into the wilderness to sleep off his hangover.
Greven