Perhaps Not All is Darkness

Robdar

I want to thank all of you for your advice, well wishes, support, love, private messages, late night phone calls, etc. I didn't mean to alarm any of you. When I wrote my post, I felt I was asking a valid question. I didn't expect such alarm and such an outpouring of good will.

Just when I felt that I had finally seen enough, and that nothing would surprise me anymore, I was surprised. Surprised that there are so many kind, caring, loving, people who empathised with my misery and offered their time, help and willingness to listen to my problems.

I am feeling somewhat better. Although I still feel "punch drunk" so to speak. I know that I will have periods of ups and down through this divorce, but I have got to find a way to somehow get through this.

I want to thank Aztec for calling me a couple of nights ago. Aztec, your sweet nature is refreshing and sorely needed in this world.

SheilaM, I want to thank you for lighting a fire under my butt and for letting me vent without telling me that I am a big baby or that I was stupid for feeling the way that I do. Since you know my soon to be ex, I felt that you gave me valid input as to what he is trying to do to me. The terror of the disruption going on in my life is still haunting me, but maybe, just maybe, it will all work out.

I had hoped that this divorce would get him out of my life, but I suppose he will not go away for a while. Not until he feels that he has extracted his vengeance, anyway. Thank you for listening to me go on and on last night. I feel that a tremendous load has been lifted from my shoulders. Thank you for letting me know that I am not a bad person to hate him as much as I do.

Having never really hated somebody, this anger that I feel towards my ex, is a new experience for me. I have had several relationships that haven't worked out for one reason or another but we have always parted as friends and remain friends to this day.

I have attempted to be loving and reasonable towards my x, but if he won't have it any way other than warfare, so be it. I pray that in time, we will at least be able to wish each other the best. Even if he hates me for eternity, I hope that I will not always feel so bitter towards him.

This hatred has been difficult on my psyche. I feel estranged from life and from God. I have a hard time praying and getting to the intimate level that I have always enjoyed with my creator. I find myself reeling from the shennanigans that my x and life are throwing at me. I still feel rather numb. I thank you all for your phone numbers that you sent to me via private email. I will attempt to call this evening/weekend.

I am going to get on anti-depressants. F**k the x, if he can't take a joke. And a joke it is. A big, fat, cosmic, disruption.

Thank you, everybody. I am blessed because of you.

Robyn

Thunder Rider

So thats why Sheil didn't come to bed???

Cool, glad to hear your gonna be OK

Thunder

onacruse

Robyn: Katie and I are very glad that you're battling through this.

Divorce is hell.

Craig & Katie

freedom96

Many of us have an ass for an ex. For me it was quite helpful to have a support group of friends, who would stand by me always. And remember, for jerks like him, there are many out there that are good, decent, stand up people. My ex has put me through hell, but I am blessed with an awesome wife now, even though there were many times that I wondered if she existed. Hang in there, and things will get much better for you.

jgnat

My ex convinced me there is such a thing as evil. I have spent the rest of my life thumbing my nose at the darkness. Hey, there is nothing wrong about hating evil. Go for broke, sister, and get scrappy. Fight back.

Some men grieve this way, and become total jerks. Some snap out of it, a year or so later, and being men, have no idea how to repair what they have broken. A scrappy, nasty man will not value conciliation. But he will respect a good countermove. Have any assets you can snap up before he finds them?

bikerchic

Dear Robyn,

I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time with the divorce. It really does a number on you, I know it did on me. My biggest hurtful feeling was how could someone who claimed to love me be so mean? It gave me feelings of unworthiness and I felt so unlovable. I mean I vertually knew this man from the time I was 13 years old, gave him the best years (or so I thought) of my life and 5 beautiful children, I was sickened to the core of my being as to how he could do the things he did to us. So I do understand the heartache, the physical, emotional hell you are going through. It does pass hun, take care of yourself, go easy on yourself during this time and remember you are a wonderful person!

I had hoped that this divorce would get him out of my life, but I suppose he will not go away for a while. Not until he feels that he has extracted his vengeance, anyway.

I'm not sure if you are in a position to do this but one thing that got me out of my X's clutches was to dissappear. I had the opportunity to leave him and go where he couldn't find me. I hung low for several months, he had no idea where I lived. It posponed settling things until he could calm down and accept the divorce was proceeding. I was safe and didn't have to hear him and all the ugliness. I also walked away from my house and all the "things" in it to keep from arguing with him about who gets what. None of it mattered to me and I left with my sanity and life! Only my kids knew where I was and they were very sure not to let him know. For what it's worth maybe you are able to dissappear also?

This hatred has been difficult on my psyche. I feel estranged from life and from God. I have a hard time praying and getting to the intimate level that I have always enjoyed with my creator. I find myself reeling from the shennanigans that my x and life are throwing at me. I still feel rather numb.

Oh ((((Robyn)))) these are normal feelings during a time like this I too felt them. Reading your words brought it all back. I can't stress enough, go easy on yourself! Don't expect to feel comforted from the things that brought you comfort before, it will pass. It's just a momentary speed bump on the road to getting your life back. It isn't all darkness Robyn there is light at the end of the tunnel, stay true to yourself, stay hopeful, cling to the goodness we have to offer you here. One thing I can tell you for sure you will emerge from this hellish darkness a much stronger, wiser woman!

My heart aches for you Robyn. Take care, find peace and comfort for yourself and know you are cared about by many here. Most of us won't ever meet you but we care deeply for you.

Love,

Katie

Time to send some Canuck sunshine your way.

Take care, and thanks for posting the latest, it helps us to know how our 'Robdar' is doing.

We sure miss you when you aren't around.

Best wishes, and better days ahead. Just minutes away.

Perhaps Not All is Darkness

Robdar

Thunder Rider

onacruse

freedom96

jgnat

bikerchic

SheilaM

Aztec

StinkyPantz

RAYZORBLADE

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