For those who raised children "in the truth"

berylblue

whose children have left "the truth"....

I don't even know where to begin to broach this subject with my daughters (should they ever speak to me again. They are not Witnesses, and were never baptized, they are angry at me for something else)....

How do you even begin to apologize for trying to turn them into good little dubs?

Although I was hardly the poster girl for Witness Mother of the Month, I still enforced many Witness type rules on them, to their detriment.

Has anyone here ever spoken with their children and apologized for ....I don't even know how to say this..I guess for kind of damaging their childhoods (and possibly their psyches) by raising them as Witness children???

I'm far from being able to apologize as my daughters don't speak to me. But I'm feeling horrible about what I did to them. Of course, it was all done with the best of intentions, fearing, as I did, for their everlasting lives....I wanted them to live forever in paradise. I don't know what I believe as far as that goes anymore, but I do know I am so sorry for the stupid rules I enforced just because all the other dubs said I had to (although I have to admit I ignored a lot of them too, but children never see it that way, do they?)

Anyone?

Rosemarie

JamesThomas

Rosemarie, Please let it go dear. Hear what you are saying. You did at that time what you thought was the very best for them. You did it out of love. See that, and forgive yourself. Continue to share that degree of love with them. If you weren't so sweet and sensitive, I'd wack you upside the head. JamesT

gumby

I'm far from being able to apologize as my daughters don't speak to me. But I'm feeling horrible about what I did to them.

Hi rosemarie,

I think many of us carry the burden of contributing in aiding others in a dublife. I raised my daughter as one, she's still one, and can't speak with me. Had I not raised her a dub........we would be close friends and I could see my grandkids too.

Whether raising your daughters as dubs has anything to do with them talking to you isn't clear here.If they were never dubs, are now not living like dubs, and they are happy, then why feel horrible?

As for my daughter, her husband, and children.........they seem like a very happy family. My daughter didn't seem to grow up with any major problems from being raised a dub.......but!....... Had a blood transfusion or something similar came into play in their lives and resulted in a death from abstaining from one.........then I suppose I would be blaming my self for being a part of what she is much more than I do now.

No.....I'm not happy I raised her as a dub........but sometimes I wonder what she would be like were she not one.

Gumby

SheilaM

(((((Rosemarie:)))))) Yes, I have apologized over and over to them. Maybe if you wrote a letter.

I told them just what I have you all. I thought I was doing the right thing, if I could give them eternity I would. I also tell them I am sorry so much of their childhood was wasted with that crap.

Phil

Berylblue

I am on the opposite side of the fence. My wife and I raised our daughter in the "Real Truth" (not JW version). As far as I am concerned, we did nothing wrong in raising her. Anything we did throughout her life was with her welfare in mind. Then came good old JW. Based on her reaction to us I cannot help but feel that she cannot stand to be in our company for any length of time.

I am really interested in knowing what you would have done to appoligize for? Can you tell me the specific points that the org has told you, by direct instruction or inference, that you feel is wrong in raising your child?

Your reply will certainly help me in applying it to my situation. Hang in there babe.

Hapgood

Rosemarie- I'm going through the same thing. I still feel the guilt. My daughter never got baptised, she just left the "truth" when she was around 18. I like what some of the others posted and it is so true, that we did what we thought best for them because we loved them. We wanted our children to live forever on a paradise earth, it was, we thought at the time the ultimate gift that we could give our children. We thought that we were protecting them from all of the evils out there in the "world". The guilt I have I'm still working on getting over, I was raised as a non jw, I don't know if that is the reason why I feel so guilty, I didn't have to deal with all the jw crap as a child, but my daughter did. She claims that she is over it, she doesn't talk about it much. Right now we're working on having a normal relationship, and I'm trying to be the best mom I can be now, trying not to think to much about the past.

"Hugs" Rosemarie, your not alone.

Hapgood

rocketman

Hi Rosemarie,

I raised a child as a jw too, though now no longer appears interested in it, was baptized in the early teen years.

At time time, we did what we thought was right, and the thought of apologizing never occured to us. We do, though, make up for it in certain ways, such as allowing her to associate with good kids from all walks of life, allowing her to be involved in various school activities, planning for college and allowing her to pursue her career goals, etc.

It is sweet of you to want to apologize to them, but as the other posters have mentioned, you were doing what you saw fit at the time. Also, though you tried to toe the jw line on some issues, it appears that you were more liberal than many jw parents, which was a good thing. Try to give yourself credit for what you did do, rather than dwelling too much on what cannot now be changed - but can be perhaps made up for in some ways.

metatron

It may sound trite but, yes, I feel your pain.

This is the greatest failure of my life - trying to raise my daughter as a Witness. I kick myself for

how stupid I was not to see the simple reality of it all.

What could be more important than putting the greatest emphasis on love and compassion

in your childs' mind? What sort of response should you expect if you don't? Instead we filled them full of intolerant Watchtower nonsense.

If you think the sick, cold-hearted old men in charge intend any change,

look at the pictures in the new kids' book.

metatron

Blueblades

Rosemarie,as James Thomas said,"Let it go".I too have raised my children in the tru---err,LIE. They are out now and happily married to disgusting worldy women condemmed by the Society.

These daughters of ours by virtue of my sons marriage are two of the most beautiful woman a father and Mother in-law could want.My wife and I are so happy for them and contented,knowing that they are in good hands with their loving wives.

Our children do not blame us ,knowing that we were looking out for their everlasting happiness as we understood it back then.

Now they are balanced when it comes to religious discussions etc.They blame the Society ,not us.

They too have moved on with their lives.They are in their 30"s

Rest assured that you too did the best you could at the time,let it go and move on as many others like yourself ,including my family have done.

Take care of yourself, Blueblades

SheilaM

I think that some of you need to realize that apologizing is showing them how much you love them. I am never ashamed to apologize to my children when I am wrong. My kids in turn will apologize. It is much healthier

For those who raised children "in the truth"

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