...and I'm afraid. I know the result of reading this will most likely be putting the final nails in the WTS coffin....
Rosemarie
Got Crisis of Conscience Today...
by berylblue 18 Replies latest jw friends
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DFWnonJW
so what's to be afraid of then?
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berylblue
Well, that what I believed in for so long really, truly is not the truth...
Rosemarie
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StinkyPantz
I finally got mine about a week ago and I'm almost done. I'm glad that I got it though, it's a good read.
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drwtsn32
berylblue,
It will be the final nail in the coffin. But it will also open your eyes to the Truth about the "truth." It was hard learning that what I believed so fervently for so long was a bunch of crap, but at the same time it feels good to come out of it. I used to think it would be better to be ignorant and still in the org, but that feeling passes and you become so grateful that you are no longer part of it.
Leaving was the hardest thing my wife and I have ever done, but there's no way we could NOT have left after learning what we did.
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berylblue
Stinky, did any of it surprise you?
Rosemarie
btw, how ARE you!???
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onacruse
Rosemarie, I know how you feel. In the late 80s a friend of mine came over and gave me about 500 pages of research he'd done on the Flood, evolution and the Bible. My heart was beating about 150, and I can still "feel" the cold sweat I had on my forehead. I was so afraid to read what he gave me, but at the same time my own lingering (and, for other reasons, increasing) doubts about the WTS needed to be resolved. After studying his research I stepped back from believing those Biblical accounts...but, only privately. My whole life (and the life that I could have had, but didn't) had been invested in the WTS; so I continued to chase the bad penny.
Then, in the early 90s, I read CoC. This time, it was more anger than fear that motivated me. I felt ready for what Ray would say. Boy, how badly I'd over-estimated myself. It made me physically ill, and I tore it up and threw it away. Not because what Ray said was wrong (I knew from personal experience and research that what he said was right), but because I just wasn't ready to see the WTS for what it really is. It took me another 10 years to get out, and even then it was more like they kicked me out than that I willingly walked away. However I got here, well...here I am.
So, if I have any encouragement to offer, it's that you, and only you, must decide for yourself how to feel and what to think after you read CoC (or, perhaps, even to stop reading if it gets too heavy). It's your journey, for you to take at your own pace.
No need to fear, my dear lady, no need to fear.
Craig
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rocketman
Craig, I know that feeling. In the past, I'd turn a blind eye to anything that might cast doubt on what jws were teaching. I could literally feel my heart racing, etc.
Now, I am not afraid to look at evidence in support of other teachings, or evolution, or a local and not earth-wide flood, etc. I finally feel free to just examine evidence and keep an open mind instead of shutting it off.
beryl, it is good read.
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onacruse
rocketman, one thing that still boggles me: I knew so much about how the WTS had erred and how the NWT was skewed, but it was like I couldn't see what I saw.
Another example: remember that chart in the back of the "All Scripture is Divinely Inspired" book, one of the studies about the Bible canon? It had this great spreadsheet of Greek texts that did (or did not) include certain writings as part of the canon. Well, when I read that, what I saw was how God "managed" to preserve the Bible. Now, what I see is that this chart demonstrates that the NT (and, in fact, the entire Bible) was selected by men, over a span of many centuries, with considerable controversy, and frequently motivated by political, and not spiritual, agendas...and even more, selected by men in religious organizations that have always been classified by the WTS as apostate. So, then, the logical conclusion is that the NT canon is apostate (a topic that's been discussed here before).
Examining the evidence is one thing...letting yourself admit what the evidence proves is totally another thing, eh?
It does get daunting, at times.
Craig
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Dansk
I knew so much about how the WTS had erred and how the NWT was skewed, but it was like I couldn't see what I saw.
Craig, I'd say that just about sums it up for most of us. It's good to know one doesn't feel stupid alone!
Hi Rosemarie, my much loved friend, congratulations on your excellent purchase. This isn't just about putting the last nail in Watchtower, it's about your being truly set free. There isn't an ounce of bitterness from Ray Franz in his book, just plain facts and a love of God and his fellow man.
After you've finished reading it, your appetite may even be whetted to read his follow-up In Search of Christian Freedom, but one thing at a time. All you need can be found in Crisis - the rest, i.e., the empathetic support, you'll get from this board.
You've absolutely nothing to be afraid of now and your friends here are all with you. Well done on having the strength to proceed forward. Physio is currently reading Crisis, too.
Love and best wishes,
Dansk