The most upsetting thing that ever happened to me in field service was when a nice elderly lady who had been a return visit, who had recently had a death in the family, burst into tears at the door and asked me, "Why won't you just leave me alone???"
I was floored. All I could do was tell her how sorry I was and run out the door. Here I thought I had a "good" RV and she had been enjoying our discussions, and I was making her unhappy and putting pressure on her by talking to her about this stuff. I had been trying to put the "positive JW spin" on every objection she had, tried to turn all conversation to how my religion was right...and I'd hurt this nice little old lady...made her cry in front of relative strangers (I have a huge soft spot for little old ladies) The sisters in the car group kept talking about how she had the wrong view and we had the right view, but it didn't convince me. I knew I'd done something bad.
I felt sick. I wanted to go home. I never had that 'innocent joy' in service, where you think you're doing a good thing untarnished by cruelty, ever again. I realized that I was either an annoyance, a bother, an embarrassment (how do I politely get rid of this person) or a source of hurt for almost every person I ran into in service.
I couldn't ignore my conscience anymore, when I stood at a door and kept talking to some poor person who had the misfortune of being home and being too polite to refuse to answer the door or tell us to f*@& off, made them stand there talking to us and squirm, trying to figure how to gracefully extracate themselves from the conversation without us ever coming back and bothering them again.
If I did what my conscience told me and let them off the hook quick and dirty."You interested? No? OK, thank you!" I was being a bad JW and not acting like I really believed I was saving people from Armageddon...if I did what the society taught me I was supposed to, I felt like a louse. I was so glad to realize I could be relieved of that burden!!